Am I just crazy?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Seattle WA
Posts: 134
Am I just crazy?
Hi, this is my first time posting in Friends and Family. I joined SR awhile back because I was concerned about my own drinking patterns. I am currently sober, after being a daily drinker (2-4 beers/day) for several years.
My reason for posting here is for support from those who are in/were in relationships with alcoholic/addicts. I have been so anxious and obsessing over this for the past few days and it's affecting many areas of my life. Maybe getting some feedback will help convince me that I'm not just crazy!
I have been with my husband for 15 years, married for 11 this month. He drank and smoked pot from the time I met him, as did a lot of our friends but never seemed to have a problem with it. Over the years his use increased. I am a classic co-dependent and enabled him I'm sure. In 2004, he went to rehab for marijuana addiction. After he got out, he started drinking more and more (trading addictions?). In 2006, we moved to a different part of the state where we had no friends or family. His drinking escalated to the point that in 2009 I put my foot down and said I would leave if he continued. He quit drinking - and started smoking pot again. He ended up being involved in the growing/selling industry while I denied and distanced myself (told you I was classic codependent). In late 2010 he quit his job because he couldn't pass a UA and then he went off the deep end. We decided to move back to the area where our families were and made preparations including entering into a contract to buy a home there. He was living there part of the time, presumably "looking for work", and coming home once a week or so to see the kids and get things ready to move. Then on Memorial Day 2011, three weeks before we were scheduled to move, he dropped the bombshell (over the phone) that he had gotten wasted and had sex with a hooker and contracted an STD - and I needed to go get tested. I kid you not, it was like a Maury episode. I was devastated. My older kids figured out what was going on and were devastated. I kicked him out and proceed with the move by myself and with the 4 kids. He got sober from everything. A few months later we started counseling and last May, after almost a year separated, I took him back. He promised he would never smoke pot again. He started drinking again but seemed to be able to keep it under control and said that he didn't think it was the booze he was addicted to, but the pot, which he would never do.I told myself "it's not that bad". Well, it appears that it got worse. On Sunday I walked in on him at a friends house, getting stoned. He came clean that he has smoked several times in the past year. He also admitted to drinking daily, from 2-10 beers per day again.
This time he has finally admitted that he is an addict. He says he knows he can't drink or smoke, ever again. However, he is not doing AA or any other program. He's going to kick it on his own :/.
I am heartbroken at being lied to again.
I am not going to leave at this time. Despite his addictions, he is a good person and a good dad to his kids (7 and 9). He coaches our sons football team. He works hard, every day. He pays all his bills and provides our families medical insurance. And we are upside down in our commitment with this house we purchased, and can't sell it for at least three years without taking a huge financial loss which we can't afford to do.
So, I'm staying for now. Am I crazy? How do I take care of myself, living with this anxiety and always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because I know it will.
Thanks for reading this long post. It feels good to get it all out. I appreciate that you are here and I will be here for you as well.
My reason for posting here is for support from those who are in/were in relationships with alcoholic/addicts. I have been so anxious and obsessing over this for the past few days and it's affecting many areas of my life. Maybe getting some feedback will help convince me that I'm not just crazy!
I have been with my husband for 15 years, married for 11 this month. He drank and smoked pot from the time I met him, as did a lot of our friends but never seemed to have a problem with it. Over the years his use increased. I am a classic co-dependent and enabled him I'm sure. In 2004, he went to rehab for marijuana addiction. After he got out, he started drinking more and more (trading addictions?). In 2006, we moved to a different part of the state where we had no friends or family. His drinking escalated to the point that in 2009 I put my foot down and said I would leave if he continued. He quit drinking - and started smoking pot again. He ended up being involved in the growing/selling industry while I denied and distanced myself (told you I was classic codependent). In late 2010 he quit his job because he couldn't pass a UA and then he went off the deep end. We decided to move back to the area where our families were and made preparations including entering into a contract to buy a home there. He was living there part of the time, presumably "looking for work", and coming home once a week or so to see the kids and get things ready to move. Then on Memorial Day 2011, three weeks before we were scheduled to move, he dropped the bombshell (over the phone) that he had gotten wasted and had sex with a hooker and contracted an STD - and I needed to go get tested. I kid you not, it was like a Maury episode. I was devastated. My older kids figured out what was going on and were devastated. I kicked him out and proceed with the move by myself and with the 4 kids. He got sober from everything. A few months later we started counseling and last May, after almost a year separated, I took him back. He promised he would never smoke pot again. He started drinking again but seemed to be able to keep it under control and said that he didn't think it was the booze he was addicted to, but the pot, which he would never do.I told myself "it's not that bad". Well, it appears that it got worse. On Sunday I walked in on him at a friends house, getting stoned. He came clean that he has smoked several times in the past year. He also admitted to drinking daily, from 2-10 beers per day again.
This time he has finally admitted that he is an addict. He says he knows he can't drink or smoke, ever again. However, he is not doing AA or any other program. He's going to kick it on his own :/.
I am heartbroken at being lied to again.
I am not going to leave at this time. Despite his addictions, he is a good person and a good dad to his kids (7 and 9). He coaches our sons football team. He works hard, every day. He pays all his bills and provides our families medical insurance. And we are upside down in our commitment with this house we purchased, and can't sell it for at least three years without taking a huge financial loss which we can't afford to do.
So, I'm staying for now. Am I crazy? How do I take care of myself, living with this anxiety and always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because I know it will.
Thanks for reading this long post. It feels good to get it all out. I appreciate that you are here and I will be here for you as well.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by 27cougar 
How do I take care of myself, living with this anxiety and always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because I know it will.
My first suggestion would be to find a local Alanon meeting. You'll meet a ton of people who have been or are now in your shoes. You can learn a lot there about daily coping and how to keep your own serenity/sanity.
Please do as much reading on this site as you can find time for, and be sure not to miss the "stickied" notes at the top of this page.
Again, glad you made it here, altho very sorry you find yourself in the situation you're in. Keep reading, keep posting and definitely look into Alanon, OK?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 821
Welcome to SR.
No, you're not crazy. I now know that I'm not crazy.
I too have that "waiting for the other shoe to drop" feeling. I hate it. It sucks. It's such a trap.
So it kinda sounds like he'll run roughshod over you and not give a hoot. Is that right? You also snuck in a tidbit about him cheating on you. For me that would be a deal breaker. I have a boundary in place on that. I have boundaries in place on lots of stuff. Sometimes they're broken but I'm getting better at setting boundaries that work for me, not against my AW. If that makes sense. Anyway, are you setting any boundaries yourself?
Oh and you didn't ask but since you have kids, I needed to toss this out there. It's a concept that I took to heart.
You need to be #1. Your kids #2.
No, you're not crazy. I now know that I'm not crazy.
I too have that "waiting for the other shoe to drop" feeling. I hate it. It sucks. It's such a trap.
So it kinda sounds like he'll run roughshod over you and not give a hoot. Is that right? You also snuck in a tidbit about him cheating on you. For me that would be a deal breaker. I have a boundary in place on that. I have boundaries in place on lots of stuff. Sometimes they're broken but I'm getting better at setting boundaries that work for me, not against my AW. If that makes sense. Anyway, are you setting any boundaries yourself?
Oh and you didn't ask but since you have kids, I needed to toss this out there. It's a concept that I took to heart.
You need to be #1. Your kids #2.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Seattle WA
Posts: 134
Thanks for the replies.
Shellcrusher, funny you should bring up the cheating. That was a deal breaker for me as well and is the primary reason I kicked him out. It was just TOO much. During our counseling, he stressed that the only reason he cheated was because he was wasted and that since he would be sober from here on out, that would never be an issue again since he would never do that sober. I believed him and forgave him (that took a long time - well over a year - but it was very good for my soul) . Of course, now that he's been using again, my brain goes there
.
Boundaries are always hard for me, it's my biggest weakness. I am usually Susy Sunshine, always believing the best about everyone, and I have a big capacity for "gray area". I need to do better in that arena.
Shellcrusher, funny you should bring up the cheating. That was a deal breaker for me as well and is the primary reason I kicked him out. It was just TOO much. During our counseling, he stressed that the only reason he cheated was because he was wasted and that since he would be sober from here on out, that would never be an issue again since he would never do that sober. I believed him and forgave him (that took a long time - well over a year - but it was very good for my soul) . Of course, now that he's been using again, my brain goes there
. Boundaries are always hard for me, it's my biggest weakness. I am usually Susy Sunshine, always believing the best about everyone, and I have a big capacity for "gray area". I need to do better in that arena.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 821
I hear you. There are things my AW did while very actively drunk and said she'd never do again. She may not be doing exactly those things now, but my head goes right back to the old thing. So I get it.
Boundaries are tough. We've had extensive discussions about them on this board.
Here's what took me forever to understand and I probably still haven't nailed it cold.
The boundary is for me. Not for my AW. I can't control my AW, nor do I want too, but since I can't control what she does, then I best not put a boundary on her that she has the power to break. It will only cause me more pain/anger.
Conversely, I put the boundary directly on me. I'm in control of what I'm okay with regardless of what my AW does.
Boundaries are tough. We've had extensive discussions about them on this board.
Here's what took me forever to understand and I probably still haven't nailed it cold.
The boundary is for me. Not for my AW. I can't control my AW, nor do I want too, but since I can't control what she does, then I best not put a boundary on her that she has the power to break. It will only cause me more pain/anger.
Conversely, I put the boundary directly on me. I'm in control of what I'm okay with regardless of what my AW does.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Oakland CA
Posts: 8
Hi 27cougar, I'm so sorry to hear about what you've gone through and your kids as well! You are definitely not crazy and i think you have experienced trauma through these unpredictable and challenging circumstances. So many congrats on stopping drinking!! My anxiety, codependency, and unfortunately drinking went through the roof with the stress from the three issues you mentioned, which are in my current fiance: alcohol, pot, and sex issues (as in sex issues involving paying for sex). I think pot is his main issue, although it is somewhat in remission now, which has really upped his temper and alcohol use. I now have almost 2 days sober. It is so hard to be lied to and betrayed by multiple types of addictive behaviors. I have empathized and also codependently stood by my fiancé, but seriously had I known the extent of some of his acting out before now, there is no way I would have bought a house and gotten engaged.
Personally for me I've had the most trouble with the sexual behaviors, even though he didn’t go through on most, and it was just “scratching an itch” or whatever excuse. The lying is so hard to deal with . My fiancé apparently went to 2 sexual massage parlors on lunch at work (gross), although he also e-mailed a craigslist casual encounter at a time when he was really high and drunk and didnt follow through and promised at that time that wasn’t the person he was etc. Before I was with him he finally admitted to me that he did pay for sex with a prostitute while really drunk. This is just so hard because with the sex type things you really just don't know when the next shoe could drop, maybe even more than the drinking or drugs! This is extremely stressful and nothing anyone should have to worry about that. With drinking and pot I’d like to think that you’ll eventually know what’s up by seeing the bottle or smoke etc. Also the unemotional cheating is not clear cut for me which makes it really hard, as it doesn't reflect on you, but the bad part is it is so behind your back and it made my mind run wild. It is really good your husband came to you though and let you know and also that he admitted to being an addict. My fiance didn't admit anything until I got a positive test for HPV, which was later found to be a lab error. It made me call off our wedding and really escalated my drinking more than finding him smoking pot again though, but that was the first tip off that he was still lying.
As hard as this is, it is not your fault at all! If you at any time find yourself needing to get to a more peaceful environment I can see that being justified and taking care of yourself first being really important.
Personally for me I've had the most trouble with the sexual behaviors, even though he didn’t go through on most, and it was just “scratching an itch” or whatever excuse. The lying is so hard to deal with . My fiancé apparently went to 2 sexual massage parlors on lunch at work (gross), although he also e-mailed a craigslist casual encounter at a time when he was really high and drunk and didnt follow through and promised at that time that wasn’t the person he was etc. Before I was with him he finally admitted to me that he did pay for sex with a prostitute while really drunk. This is just so hard because with the sex type things you really just don't know when the next shoe could drop, maybe even more than the drinking or drugs! This is extremely stressful and nothing anyone should have to worry about that. With drinking and pot I’d like to think that you’ll eventually know what’s up by seeing the bottle or smoke etc. Also the unemotional cheating is not clear cut for me which makes it really hard, as it doesn't reflect on you, but the bad part is it is so behind your back and it made my mind run wild. It is really good your husband came to you though and let you know and also that he admitted to being an addict. My fiance didn't admit anything until I got a positive test for HPV, which was later found to be a lab error. It made me call off our wedding and really escalated my drinking more than finding him smoking pot again though, but that was the first tip off that he was still lying.
As hard as this is, it is not your fault at all! If you at any time find yourself needing to get to a more peaceful environment I can see that being justified and taking care of yourself first being really important.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Seattle WA
Posts: 134
Thank you karakyle. My anxiety is crazy right now too, I am only 4 days sober and feel like I want a beer - but I know it will only make the anxiety worse. Plus I think I feel like I need to keep myself in control since he is obviously not.
Thanks for reminding me that it's not my fault. I certainly put the blame and guilt on myself a lot. Its hard not to take it personally.
The peaceful thing really hurts because that's all I really ever wanted out of life was a family, kids and a peaceful little home and there is no way that will ever happen.
I wish peace for your in your situation as well.
Thanks for reminding me that it's not my fault. I certainly put the blame and guilt on myself a lot. Its hard not to take it personally.
The peaceful thing really hurts because that's all I really ever wanted out of life was a family, kids and a peaceful little home and there is no way that will ever happen.
I wish peace for your in your situation as well.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
The peaceful thing really hurts because that's all I really ever wanted out of life was a family, kids and a peaceful little home and there is no way that will ever happen.
but I have no doubts you can have a family, with kids in a peaceful little home.
That could be your goal. Keep your dreams for you and your kids at the forefront of
your mind. It is your one and ONLY life.
I have real hopes for you!
What I have read so far about your husband seems that he is little interested in these
things, or is not willing to put down the substances to do it.
Your kids need one sane and sober parent.
This, I hope is you!
You seem ready to separate the booze from your life.
Despite his addictions, he is a good person and a good dad to his kids (7 and 9). He coaches our sons football team. He works hard, every day. He pays all his bills and provides our families medical insurance. And we are upside down in our commitment with this house we purchased, and can't sell it for at least three years without taking a huge financial loss which we can't afford to do.
I had an alcoholic father, and just because he paid the bills and provides insurance does
not make him a good father.
Neither does this 'good person' and 'good dad' who coaches little league.
You can expect all of that to hit the bricks when his addictions start taking over his life.
And it will. Just a matter of time. It is progressive.
Being in the car with my father was a terror, knowing he was drunk.
He took us on dates with his girlfriends. Put us in a movie for a couple of hours.
This was my experience with my alcoholic, cheating father.
No, none of his problems are your fault. Absolutely not.
Now the hard part. Put down his obligations and just take care of yourself and the kids.
Go to meetings.
Find some face to face support.
Learning this is what saved my sanity, keep the anxiety at bay.
I had to take anti depressants and still do.
Wow! I have gotten the bossies today.
You can do all this and more, you just have to get your priorities in order.
As do I.
It is tough to say no, after years of giving in or looking away.
Beth
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Originally Posted by 27cougar
Thanks for the replies.
Boundaries are always hard for me, it's my biggest weakness. I am usually Susy Sunshine, always believing the best about everyone, and I have a big capacity for "gray area". I need to do better in that arena.
Boundaries are always hard for me, it's my biggest weakness. I am usually Susy Sunshine, always believing the best about everyone, and I have a big capacity for "gray area". I need to do better in that arena.
You sound like you could be be my identical twin! And I fight with anxiety too. I hate living this way like I'm waiting for the anvil to drop. One day he says he's done, and the next day he'd back at the bar, spending too much money, out all night, and blowing off work the next day. And he wonders why he can't get ahead. But like yours, mine is a good guy too. Good guy with a big heart and a big problem he can't quite control.
Wicked is right, this is your one and only life. Do what you need to do to be happy, with or without him. You alone are responsible for your happiness. (I know, I need to practice what I preach right? lol)
I wish you peace and serenity.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Seattle WA
Posts: 134
An Update on Me
Hi SR friends,
Wow reading my post from 3 years ago is an eyeopener! And surprise - here I am again! Still with my AH who has continued to drink, and unknown to me, started smoking pot again "occasionally".
The most recent update was last Monday when he called from work to say that he had to take a random UA and didn't think he'd pass, because he had smoked over the holiday weekend. Not passing a UA for him means losing his job for at least 3 months.
By some miracle, it appears that he may have dodged the bullet on that because he hasn't gotten a call from HR yet and they usually let you know within 3 days if there is an issue.
So, he says that this has been a real wake up call for him and he has realized how depressed and unhappy he has been, he hates himself, he knows he has to get sober and blah blah blah. Same story! He has not had a drink now in 6 days and is meeting with a friend for breakfast tomorrow who has been sober for 7 years, hoping to get some advice from him. Which is great, and I am voicing my support and how proud I am of him but inside I am SO ANXIOUS again and just ANGRY! It sucks how you want to believe them but you just KNOW that it's going to happen again , only a matter of time!
I also know that getting sober is only part of what he needs to do, he has serious mental health issues (depression, PTSD) that will need to be dealt with as well as the fact that being sober doesn't change his lovely narcissistic tendencies which are annoying as crap.
BUT - I have been around long enough to know that he needs to do him, and I need to do me. Can't control it, didn't cause it and sure can't cure it.
Which brings me to my question for you all - what do you do for self care? How do you manage the anxiety that all this causes for the families? I have not been to Al-Anon despite previous advice, no excuse just too lazy to seek out a meeting I think.
Any advice or simply your thoughts are appreciated .
Wow reading my post from 3 years ago is an eyeopener! And surprise - here I am again! Still with my AH who has continued to drink, and unknown to me, started smoking pot again "occasionally".
The most recent update was last Monday when he called from work to say that he had to take a random UA and didn't think he'd pass, because he had smoked over the holiday weekend. Not passing a UA for him means losing his job for at least 3 months.
By some miracle, it appears that he may have dodged the bullet on that because he hasn't gotten a call from HR yet and they usually let you know within 3 days if there is an issue.
So, he says that this has been a real wake up call for him and he has realized how depressed and unhappy he has been, he hates himself, he knows he has to get sober and blah blah blah. Same story! He has not had a drink now in 6 days and is meeting with a friend for breakfast tomorrow who has been sober for 7 years, hoping to get some advice from him. Which is great, and I am voicing my support and how proud I am of him but inside I am SO ANXIOUS again and just ANGRY! It sucks how you want to believe them but you just KNOW that it's going to happen again , only a matter of time!
I also know that getting sober is only part of what he needs to do, he has serious mental health issues (depression, PTSD) that will need to be dealt with as well as the fact that being sober doesn't change his lovely narcissistic tendencies which are annoying as crap.
BUT - I have been around long enough to know that he needs to do him, and I need to do me. Can't control it, didn't cause it and sure can't cure it.
Which brings me to my question for you all - what do you do for self care? How do you manage the anxiety that all this causes for the families? I have not been to Al-Anon despite previous advice, no excuse just too lazy to seek out a meeting I think.
Any advice or simply your thoughts are appreciated .
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
welcome back! really sorry that your situation remains in upheaval. addiction will do that. over time the addict becomes the center of the universe and we get sucked into the vortex. 
how about you give that ole Alanon thing a try?
i see you are in seattle -here's a link to the TONS of meetings held every day.
http://www.seattle-al-anon.org/Meeti...l_Meetings.php
you could probably leave the house blindfolded and stumble into one.
i think it is very important that you take stock of YOUR current life and ask if this is what you want. it is perfectly ok to say NO MORE. even if they are currently not drinking and swearing off. if all you hear is Yada Yada Yada, you may have reached the end of your proverbial rope!
how about you give that ole Alanon thing a try?
i see you are in seattle -here's a link to the TONS of meetings held every day. http://www.seattle-al-anon.org/Meeti...l_Meetings.php
you could probably leave the house blindfolded and stumble into one.
i think it is very important that you take stock of YOUR current life and ask if this is what you want. it is perfectly ok to say NO MORE. even if they are currently not drinking and swearing off. if all you hear is Yada Yada Yada, you may have reached the end of your proverbial rope!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Didn't he swear all this stuff before? I'm not sure how much good meeting a sober friend for lunch will do, unless his friend drags him to AA and he jumps in with both feet. This feels a bit like a show of commitment--minus the commitment.
But yeah, get yourself to Al-Anon. Are you staying sober, yourself?
But yeah, get yourself to Al-Anon. Are you staying sober, yourself?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Seattle WA
Posts: 134
Thanks for the links to the meetings, I have a lot of anxiety about everything right now and the idea of walking into a room full of strangers is UGH! but might be what I need.
Yep, it's same story different year. I keep learning a little more about this disease and my co-dependency but have yet to figure out how to actually feel healthy and at peace with my decision to stay in this relationship. Because truth is I'm not going anywhere at this time. I don't know what the future will bring but for now, I just need to feel ok with me.
As for my own sobriety I drink on and off, sometimes I feel like I need a drink to ease my anxiety which I know is not a healthy reason to drink. Currently I told my AH that I won't have any alcohol in the house so that will curtail my drinking as I don't go out much. I have definately been isolating myself, I don't feel like doing the holiday thing or being social right now
Yep, it's same story different year. I keep learning a little more about this disease and my co-dependency but have yet to figure out how to actually feel healthy and at peace with my decision to stay in this relationship. Because truth is I'm not going anywhere at this time. I don't know what the future will bring but for now, I just need to feel ok with me.
As for my own sobriety I drink on and off, sometimes I feel like I need a drink to ease my anxiety which I know is not a healthy reason to drink. Currently I told my AH that I won't have any alcohol in the house so that will curtail my drinking as I don't go out much. I have definately been isolating myself, I don't feel like doing the holiday thing or being social right now
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
As someone who's eight years sober after having alcoholism creep up on me after MANY years of seldom drinking (due to marriage to sober alcoholic), I'd suggest you go back to not drinking. I drank to celebrate my freedom after my divorce, then drank with a new partner who turned out to be an alcoholic, then drank to cope with my divorce when he went back to drinking after almost dying of it, then drank to cope with stress of NEW relationship. Before I knew it, I was a full-blown alcoholic with severe withdrawals when I quit.
So trust me, it can sneak up on you.
Al-Anon will help you get your head screwed on straight. It is a simple program that will spare you a lot of the do-it-yourself aspects of "figuring it out." It WILL help you feel OK with you. It's not guaranteed to save the relationship, but whether you stay or you go you need to have your eyes open and be taking care of yourself.
Believe me, the idea of walking into a meeting is WAY more stressful than the reality. You will be warmly welcomed by people just like us--just like you. They get it. They know how it feels to be new, too. You don't have to say anything until you feel ready. If they go around the room or somebody invites you to share, all you gotta do is say "I just want to listen tonight, thanks." No pressure. No worries if you cry, either. People have been known to cry through the whole meeting. Those folks are usually new or dealing with some fresh disaster. People laugh and kid around, too. By no means all doom and gloom--the idea is to have a HAPPY, satisfying life.
Give it a shot--six meetings, at least. If you don't like the first one, try another. Each group is a bit different and each meeting is a bit different. Even the best groups can have an off night.
So trust me, it can sneak up on you.
Al-Anon will help you get your head screwed on straight. It is a simple program that will spare you a lot of the do-it-yourself aspects of "figuring it out." It WILL help you feel OK with you. It's not guaranteed to save the relationship, but whether you stay or you go you need to have your eyes open and be taking care of yourself.
Believe me, the idea of walking into a meeting is WAY more stressful than the reality. You will be warmly welcomed by people just like us--just like you. They get it. They know how it feels to be new, too. You don't have to say anything until you feel ready. If they go around the room or somebody invites you to share, all you gotta do is say "I just want to listen tonight, thanks." No pressure. No worries if you cry, either. People have been known to cry through the whole meeting. Those folks are usually new or dealing with some fresh disaster. People laugh and kid around, too. By no means all doom and gloom--the idea is to have a HAPPY, satisfying life.
Give it a shot--six meetings, at least. If you don't like the first one, try another. Each group is a bit different and each meeting is a bit different. Even the best groups can have an off night.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Seattle WA
Posts: 134
Thanks for the replies, it means something to me that you take the time to reach out. I don't have anyone IRL to talk to about this. I feel better and stronger already and ready to face tonight without a drink .
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
lexie brings up a very good point.....we have to watch for the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality. i did that with hank and crack. TRUST me, you don't wanna drink the koolaid!!!!
here's a plan for that first meeting....set out early, find the place, maybe drive around the block once or twice. park in the lot and wait for other cars to arrive.....notice that when other cars pull in, carbon-based lifeforms get out the vehicles! just like you! after the first few humans go in, follow them in - they will be setting up the room for the meeting. let them know you are new and scared.
the rest will take care of itself.
here's a plan for that first meeting....set out early, find the place, maybe drive around the block once or twice. park in the lot and wait for other cars to arrive.....notice that when other cars pull in, carbon-based lifeforms get out the vehicles! just like you! after the first few humans go in, follow them in - they will be setting up the room for the meeting. let them know you are new and scared.
the rest will take care of itself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 42
Hi Cougar - I am in the same situation. I decided a long time ago that I was not going to leave my AH. He gave up the pot smoking in order to remain employed, so we don't have to deal with the job uncertainty. He is a hard worker and a good dad. He's not a mean drunk. I think going to a meeting is a good idea. I have never been, but AH's drinking is bothering me at this point in time and I have been thinking about going. Hugs to you.
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