Sueski

Hi Heather. You need support - this is one great place, as you're seeing. (Welcome, btw. i wish you didn't need it, but I'm glad it is here for you.) AlAnon might be another good source of support for you. Check the library or local second hand stores for the books people are recommending. I'm sure funds are tight and that might help.

I totally get wanting to help, and I understand that you love him, but honey, you don't owe him anything at this point. You've tried but he doesn't want to pick up his own load. He wants you to do ALL the heavy lifting. I say this with love - the people you DO owe something are those three and a half little people, and yourself. Yeah, yourself. Take care of you and the kids. If he pressures you, you can try "no contact."

Take care of you. ...and we're here for you.

ETA: I didn't realize the emoticon said newbie!! I just wanted a bunch of smilies for you!!! I'm not so good with these yet, lol.

wicked

It is an excellent smiley face!
I just watched it over and over again!

Silly.

heather, it sounds like you are ready for some change.
that is a good thing.

Beth

Tuffgirl

Welcome, heather. I know you think you have an "alcohol" problem going on here, but honestly, from what you have written in your first post, I think you have more than that. I think you have a "trying to change a pig's ear into a silk purse" problem.

So you support him. And his ex supports him. How convenient for him! Why can't I find people to support me? Oh yeah, because I am a GROWN UP and supporting myself (and others when I chose to make a family) is my responsibility. So what kind of man lives off his baby momma's? An immature, irresponsible one. Is this the kind of man you want to have a future with? Hasn't he already shown you his true colors?

His getting sober is only the tip of this iceberg. Sobriety is not a "turn him into the man I WANT him to be" life altering event. It simply takes the booze and drugs out of an assclown, which is what you seem to have on your hands.

I think this is true and glad you can be honest with yourself about it.

Well, you are already pregnant, so that ties you to him in some fashion forever. But you do have the choice to run like hell in the opposite direction anyway.

What is it exactly that you love about this guy? You say he treats you like crap, manipulates you, sponges off of you. He's unreliable and untrustworthy. He didn't even want this baby. And you love this guy? Very much? Hon, I don't get it. Don't you think you deserve better than that?

Here's a gentle suggestion on what you can do now. Take a giant step back from MEN, and focus some serious energy on your kids for a while. All this back and forth relationship drama has got to be exhausting for them; they really need an emotionally present Mother. And dealing with the newborn to age 5 stage is challenging already. It is also the most important part of a child's development. Go be a Mom. Forget about guys for now. Take good care of your family. Spend some time looking at why you choose men who don't stick around long and treat you badly.

You will be glad you did, and your kids will have a healthy stable childhood with your time and attention on them instead of chasing after unavailable men.