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i apologize for coming off like the jerk, but psychology is here to stay it seems...



i apologize for coming off like the jerk, but psychology is here to stay it seems...

Old 07-10-2013, 03:01 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by FireSprite View Post
If that's the way you see it, that's fine.

Not so complicated to me. My very Sober Mind recognizes it as yet another fatalistic excuse to justify, deflect and redirect blame, but that's me.

So, how long have you been sober and in recovery, iwh?
Or like those of us who like to "dumb down" and simplify recovery in AA say:
Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink.
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Old 07-10-2013, 03:04 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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i made the point long ago that pointing the finger is not what i do, am about or can concede to.
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Old 07-10-2013, 03:07 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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the above was a response to FireSprite.

Carlotta, no drinking.

thanks,
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Old 07-10-2013, 04:00 PM
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iwh,

Gently asking here, are you still actively drinking?
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Old 07-10-2013, 04:28 PM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by marie1960 View Post
iwh,

Gently asking here, are you still actively drinking?
no. i do go to meetings but i need out sometimes & i kiss the ground that SR walks on for it.

i go to meetings and i just can't get to the level of talking like everyone else yet.

now i'm supposed to second guess what i just said. there was nothing offensive about it and i mean nothing offensive about it.

i'm in a tricky situation until i find a therapist to work with. even then, i would like sober friends to help keep sober.
SR's good like that.

thank you all for your responses. if you need help with anything feel free to ask me.

i'm really not new at sobriety, alcohol or life.

thanks.
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:08 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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Hi iwh,

After reading your posts, I am not getting the feeling that you are trying to blame your parents. I am getting the feeling that you want to understand how a dysfunctional family can mess you up. I feel that you are trying to look at your alcoholism from the beginning and trying to learn about yourself.

Reason I am thinking this, is because a friend of mine is also looking for answers. He doesn't want to blame his parents, justs wants an understanding for why he thinks the way he does sometimes, why he reacts the way he does sometimes. He is looking at all the abuse he went through as a child, and he is beginning to re-parent himself.

I may be totally off-base here, but this is what I was feeling while reading your post.

You stated your childhood was abusive, and a lot of what goes on in an abusive childhood is very similar to growing up with an alcoholic. First, not all alcoholics are abusive, and not all abusive people are alcoholics.

Will back off now since I may be totally off-base.
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:14 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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wow, you are not off base at all, you hit a homer there. thanks amy,
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:22 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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Can you perhaps tell us a little more about yourself, how old are you? would you say that you are a codependent? I don't know, just a little more about you so that we can get to know you better.

Also did you check out the forum right below this one for friends and family adult children of alcoholics? Even though you said that you parents are not alcoholics, I think you might be able to relate to that section.

The friend I was talking about started in AA, still goes, but he also added in 2 ACOA/ACA meetings each week.
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:28 PM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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haha, not sure what to do now other then sort it out in therapy. fist bump? be my sponsor? anyway, i know i come off rude in type, but i say these things with humor as someone else noticed. i mean no offense, it's how i talk, i'm a city person or something.

that was brilliant amy.

to be extremely honest i have a total 'now what' mind now.

'thanks'? like that's not enough, but thanks.

very good analysis, now what...

you've stumped and relieved me, i'm sure some will get a kick out of the former.

i guess if anything, credit your work. i know it wasn't easy to just sum it up like that or to have that gift, so thank you for sharing it.

any advice on what to do next from anyone is appreciated, but i understand it really depends a lot on what happens too.

i try to only ramble like this on my own threads, i'm friendly even if rude sometimes, it's how i am.

peace, love and thank yous to everyone.
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:29 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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damnm you posted while i was typing, this keeps happening!

i'll read it over...
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:34 PM
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I don't find you to be rude at all. I find you to be inquisitive.
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:47 PM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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i started writing a lot and being very honest about it in textedit. not that it would be censored, but i don't know if i should share this stuff online. i recently had an issue with that.
i could PM it, but i know that makes it no fun for everyone, lol.
what do i do, i can maybe censor some, but then people will be like 'oh, no problem here', i can't. WTF
WTF
i either show it here or bring it elsewhere, unless you present other options.
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:55 PM
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Please, just share with us what you feel comfortable with. Also, please note, I am not a therapist. I picked up on that so fast, because I am going through this with a friend. I just listen to him, I don't try to theraparize him. (Don't think theraparize is even a word). What you were saying just sounded familiar to me. He wants to work on his whole self, not just the stop drinking part of it. He is almost 7 months sober. If you feel comfortable talking to me, a pm is ok. Just know I am not a therapist, I am a good listener, and I have a lot of empathy.

But also, keep posting here as much as you feel comfortable with. There are many people here with a lot of wisdom, a lot more then me.

BTW, I was a previous city girl, now live in the country.
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:57 PM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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f, i'd love to share it, but this is just not that safe or private.

i shut up now.

thank you every one for coming & have a nice day.
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:58 PM
  # 55 (permalink)  
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haha, you always type when i type
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Old 07-10-2013, 06:02 PM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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i reread it, i can't post that here. i'm trying to use good judgement.

i want to post it & i want the help, but i can't post that here.

sorry & thanks everyone.
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Old 07-10-2013, 06:05 PM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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iwh,

please also check out the Adult Children of Addictive/Alcoholics. Read the stickies there. We are always here for you.
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Old 07-10-2013, 06:12 PM
  # 58 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by iwh View Post
i reread it, i can't post that here. i'm trying to use good judgement.

i want to post it & i want the help, but i can't post that here.

sorry & thanks everyone.
If you change your mind we are always here.
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Old 07-10-2013, 07:27 PM
  # 59 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
I have known hundreds of alcoholics in my life, but I've never known anyone who became an alcoholic because of his/her upbringing.

And I'm not about to blame anyone for being an alcoholic--I'm five years sober, myself. Nobody asks to become an alcoholic.

Still, it doesn't really matter what "made" you an alcoholic--the solution still requires hard work by YOU to change. And having a dysfunctional family doesn't make you an exception to that. Plenty of alcoholics recover despite having dysfunctional families. What are you doing for your own recovery?
And, there are just as many alcoholics that come from perfectly "normal" families too.....
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Old 07-10-2013, 07:55 PM
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iwh.....just curious....are you currently drinking?
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