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Sad Tonight

Old 07-09-2013, 06:24 PM
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Sad Tonight

Today is our 8th anniversary. This is what I come home too tonight. A filthy kitchen (side effect of drunken munchies), no one brought in the mail, no one brought in the garbage cans (garbage pick up today), and a drunk AH passed out on the couch stinking up the house with the smell of vodka.

I asked him earlier what he wanted to do tonight to celebrate to which he replied less than enthusiastically that he just wanted to stay in and make dinner at home. Guess he knew what he was doing today.

I just don't understand why he must ruin our special days. He did this on my birthday, and Christmas eve too.

I know I should stop torturing myself with why because I'll probably never know. It just hurts knowing that I would never do anything like this to him. I'm trying to approach all of this differently and start focusing on me and my happiness, not letting him and his alcoholism bring me down. I'm just not very good at it yet.

Thanks for reading this, I feel a little better now.
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Old 07-09-2013, 06:32 PM
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And NEXT Year is #9.
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Old 07-09-2013, 06:33 PM
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I am sorry you are sad. If he is an active alcoholic, I wouldn't set yourself up for this kind of heart ache. Have you tried al-anon?
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Old 07-09-2013, 06:35 PM
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you might do "this to him" if alcohol was the most important thing in your life.
you have different goals, different ways of dealing with life. birthdays, anniversaries, holidays...for him, they are just another day to drink away. that's how he chooses to live his life...

doesn't have to be yours.
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Old 07-09-2013, 06:36 PM
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I've been reading a lot about Al-Anon, but I'm not sure the meetings are for me.The higher power stuff has just never clicked for me. I am finding alot of useful ideas and insights though.

What are your thought on Al-Anon?

By the way, I'm a Pats fan too!!!
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Old 07-09-2013, 06:41 PM
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Hi Lauren! Happy Anniversary! It's my Anniversary too. We should run away together since your ole man is passed out and mine is in the trauma center after eating pavement from being thrown off his motorcycle!

Where would you like to go? And do they take food stamps because I'm flat ass broke from this MeatHead!
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Old 07-09-2013, 06:42 PM
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Originally Posted by LaurenR View Post

What are your thought on Al-Anon?


Most Freakin' Wonderful Thing Ever!

Is that too direct?

For Real, just got back from a meeting. Good Stuff.

As far as the God/HP stuff. Have to tell you straight up -- Get Over Yourself.

Nothing harsh in that towards you, but maybe by year #10 or so you might be ready.

No rush. Alanon, HP/God, and the world are all very patient and will be ready when you are.
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Old 07-09-2013, 06:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Hammer View Post
Most Freakin' Wonderful Thing Ever!

Is that too direct?

For Real, just got back from a meeting. Good Stuff.

As far as the God/HP stuff. Have to tell you straight up -- Get Over Yourself.

Nothing harsh in that towards you, but maybe by year #10 or so you might be ready.

No rush. Alanon, HP/God, and the world are all very patient and will be ready when you are.
Seriously Hammer? I was raised in a religious household, I know what spirituality is all about, and it just doesn't work for me. I like the practical ideas behind Al-Anon though, trying to learn to put them into practice.
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Old 07-09-2013, 06:50 PM
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Originally Posted by BoxinRotz View Post
Hi Lauren! Happy Anniversary! It's my Anniversary too. We should run away together since your ole man is passed out and mine is in the trauma center after eating pavement from being thrown off his motorcycle!

Where would you like to go? And do they take food stamps because I'm flat ass broke from this MeatHead!
Maybe we could have a picnic somewhere? LOL!! I'm pretty broke too. Hope your AH recovers from his accident AND his alcoholism. I read your earlier post.

Hang in there!
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Old 07-09-2013, 06:55 PM
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All it is is that you/me/we cannot do it ourselves.

Sort of where the independent -- "IF IT IS TO BE, IT IS UP TO ME" -- thinking just jumps the tracks and crashes like a freight train trying to run down a dirt road.

I agree the religion crap is absolute shiite. We match. We good?

But this is when (and if) you finally get to the point where when (and if) you/we/me figure out that you/we/me cannot do it on our own.

If what you are doing on your own is working for you . . . keep doing that.

On the other hand if not, as the AA side of the house teaches . . . . "Contempt prior to investigation" is not such a good plan.
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Old 07-10-2013, 04:08 PM
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Originally Posted by LaurenR View Post
I've been reading a lot about Al-Anon, but I'm not sure the meetings are for me.The higher power stuff has just never clicked for me. I am finding alot of useful ideas and insights though.

What are your thought on Al-Anon?

By the way, I'm a Pats fan too!!!
Hey Lauren,

I'm sad to hear how your anniversary went.

My exA ruined every event too. Even when he wasn't drunk, like if we were at a music fest or something. The "Never being comfortable in your own skin." I guess.

But that is how it goes.

I highly recommend AlAnon. You don't have to buy in to the God stuff. I practice Buddhism (Nichiren school) and I let Higher Power mean, the Law, the Universe, Cause and Effect, Good Orderly Direction.....

Honestly, you are cutting yourself off from a wonderful source of help and nurturing and growth for yourself, by dismissing them based on old resentments. (Seriously, are you getting any nurturing from your AH? Doesn't sound like it. You probably need some by now.)
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Old 07-10-2013, 04:20 PM
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Lauren---just so you know---there are atheists in alanon. They just take what they can use and leave the rest.........

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Old 07-10-2013, 04:32 PM
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Best phrase ever in recovery..

take what you need and leave the rest.
thanks dandylion.

give it a try Lauren, you will get out of it
what you put into it.
More cliches!
Slogans!
Get behind taking care of you...just try this way.
I am not big on the religious deal either.

I gave up my "objections" when AA started to work.

Beth
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:29 PM
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Sorry you are sad. can you do something nice for yourself and just leave him sleeping in his own stink? Ice cream always works for me
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Old 07-10-2013, 06:05 PM
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Now, 27cougar I MUST go get ice cream, mentioned in two threads within two minutes.
Must mean something right?

Lauren,
You deserve better than this. Way, way better.
Yes, letting it out with people who understand does help me.
What can you do for you?
do something that will make you smile.

Beth
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Old 07-10-2013, 07:05 PM
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Arg, Dandelion, and Wicked.

Thanks for your caring words. I do see your point, and perhaps I'll give it a try some time in the near future. If an atheist can find it helpful, maybe I can too. (I consider myself agnostic)

And no Arg, I'm not getting much in the way of nurturing right now. Didn't even get an apology, just excuses about how he "fell asleep". Oh well.

27cougar Great idea! Gonna go hit the Ben & Jerry's right now!

Thanks everyone for letting me whine.
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Old 07-10-2013, 07:34 PM
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hey Lauren...
this is such a good, safe place.

Not many places let you whine and still love you!!!!

Actually, AlAnon does, too.

fyi; Check out several or more meetings, because every one has a different feel. Incase you go and your first one doesn't feel like a fit, don't assume none of them will be.
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Old 07-10-2013, 07:43 PM
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Thanks Arg! (laughing and sniffling)
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Old 07-10-2013, 08:46 PM
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[QUOTE=LaurenR;4060496]

I know I should stop torturing myself with why because I'll probably never know. It just hurts knowing that I would never do anything like this to him. I'm trying to approach all of this differently and start focusing on me and my happiness, not letting him and his alcoholism bring me down. I'm just not very good at it yet.

Of course, you wouldn't do something like this to your husband...
And that's because you're in a relationship with him and not the bottle...
Unfortunately, as long as he is drinking, his relationship is with the bottle, as sad as that is....
As long as he's addicted, he's not capable of having a healthy relationship...
Believe me, I KNOW how hard it is not to take his "less than enthusiastic" attitude about your 8 year anniversary, or your birthday holidays etc., personally, but try to keep in mind, that this is how he would behave regardless of whoever he's in relationship with...

I truly feel for you....
And, may I respectfully say, that an 8 year union is still so fresh for him to already be taking you for granted...
That is unacceptable....

Let him stay on the couch, if that works for him....
In the meantime, surround yourself with people who DO value and appreciate you!

All the best,



Linda

Last edited by Diva76; 07-10-2013 at 08:47 PM. Reason: I left out a word..doh!
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