Wishful133

And I don't know what to do. After two months sober. I can't go down this road again. I am upside down, lost.

LexieCat

Man, I'm sorry, wishful. I can't say I'm surprised, though, after your post about his decision to quit his job. Are the two related? Do you know if he got fired?

You are gonna be OK. I know how you are feeling right now--been in your shoes. Here's what I did--I got myself to every Al-Anon meeting I could possibly get to, and hung in there until my head stopped spinning so I could decide what I wanted out of my life. And that was to get OFF the merry-go-round.

Just keep telling yourself, "I'm gonna be OK. No matter what, I am gonna be OK." And you will do the right thing for yourself.

Hugs, you sure have had a sucky couple of days.

Wishful133

Unfortunately I can't go to al anon, no one to watch the baby. I am so stupid to have trusted him. No he didn't quit or get fired.

Wishful133

When my HP wants to teach me a lesson wow does he ever. Today's lesson: detachment and trust. And I'm failing in both. I just know I can't do this again and I can't believe I trusted him. Stupid stupid me.

dandylion

Wishful, don't blame be hard on yourself. He drank--so you call yourself stupid. Thin about this. You have no control over his alcoholism. You didn't cause it and you can't control it or fix it.

I hear your heartbreak.

dandylion

honeypig

Wishful, many Alanon meetings have child care. Even if the meeting you attend doesn't have child care, I would surely at least ask if you could take your child to the meeting w/you. It's hard to imagine they would refuse you the support of a meeting b/c you have a baby with you.

You need to get some support for you, and while SR is truly great, sometimes you really need a live person right there with you. This might be one of those times.

Mountainmanbob

Wishful133

So now he's picking a fight in front of our 14 year old. I won't give in and argue but she's upset. She doesn't realize he's been drinking.

DreamsofSerenity

I'm sorry. I know how that feels. The disappointment is almost indescribable.

Please take care of yourself now. Shift the focus onto you as much as you possibly can.

Hugs

Wishful133

He's invading my space, wanting me to tell him it's ok, wanting me to make him feel better. And I can't. So what do I do now? Do I tell him my boundaries, that I will not be around him when he drinks? Damn alcohol. He's a good man. So upset about this.

DreamsofSerenity

I think getting clear on your boundaries and then enforcing them, whatever they are, would be healthy for both of you.

LexieCat

Take the baby with you to the meetings. You can quietly take her outside if she gets fussy. You NEED this--it isn't like you are going to a spa or taking an art class.

As far as what you do now, I would tell him you will have this conversation when he is sober. That's all. Just don't engage with him. Not your job to make him feel better. No point in arguing or discussing, either.

AnvilheadII

that lesson from HP about TRUST...isn't about trusting your AH, it's about TRUSTING your Higher Power.

you see what you see.
you know what you know.
he is drinking.
again.
still.
and on it goes.
he's made his decisions.
now YOU make YOURS.

Wishful133

But what are my decisions? I don't know. I'm in a tailspin. I have been avoiding this "what if"

Wishful133

So I think my decisions for the moment are I will not be around him when he drinks, and he cannot drive with the children in the car. The second one is hard, because I have been relying on him to take DD to camp and DS to daycare. I will just have to arrange things myself.

All I know is I cannot go down this road. When I got home and smelled the booze all over him I asked if he was drinking. He said yes, and he will be drinking every night from now on and he guesses the divorce papers will be in the mail. I said no, but now wondering if that should have been a yes. I don't want to make that decision now, but I do know I can't do this again.

I feel like everything is crumbling around me. 18 years of marriage, 22 years together, I've known him for more years than I haven't. I simply can't believe it's come to this. And I know many of you have been down this road, just never imagined I would be too.

BoxinRotz

Wishful. You keep those kids out of that car with him! Do not put those children through a hell ride with him because something bad will happen someday as I am living my worst nightmare right now. It will happen to him but you can stop it from happening to your children.

He has not hit rock bottom and neither have you. I know what rock bottom is because I am there right now. My husband is there right now. He can only go 6 more feet before it all over for him. What is your rock bottom going to be? Because I hope and pray it won't be him killing one or both of your children!

Wishful133

No I will not allow my children in the car, BoxinRotz. No worries there. He has been sober so I didn't have a problem with him driving but now it's changed. Please don't misunderstand that.

He told me when he stopped drinking he had hit his bottom and it wasn't pretty. I can't believe it wasn't his true bottom. I'm very close to mine, so close I'm very uncomfortable and scared.

izzyrose05

Wishful...I had/have all of the same feelings you have. I have just recently gone through the same thing. about 4 and a half weeks ago. The shock wears off and maybe then you can make a plan.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you too. Glad you are here though. This place is a wonderful support system and guide for me on my path to recovery. I'd be spinning my wheels without them.

wpasierb

I was exactly where you are September 12, 2010. My husband died from liver failure on November 4, 2011. I hope he stops before he hits that bottom.

I am so sorry for you. I remember that feeling and I know how helpless you feel right now.

LexieCat

My sponsor always used to say, "Every bottom has a trap door."

And she's right--up until the ultimate bottom--the one where there is no getting back up.