Blogs


Notices

he's drinking again

Old 07-08-2013, 08:11 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 454


I'm so sorry, Wishful. I hope your first day back at work went smoothly, other than the return home, of course. Keep focusing on yourself and your children, your next steps and future plans will come from that. Al-Anon would be good for you...I'm wondering if Alateen would be good for your daughter. Do you have some support around you to reach out to? You always have support here.
CarryOn is offline  
Old 07-08-2013, 08:27 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
HopefulinFLA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Hi Wishful,

I sure do know how you feel. I felt so up when my AH quit drinking for 4 months, and sooo down when he started up again right before the holidays. I love the guy and I'm always hopeful that when he says he's done, he means it this time. You're not stupid because HE's drinking again.

In the mean time, I've found a really great blog that's given me a lot of perspective. It's several years worth of postings by a woman in Al-Anon, her thoughts and experiences etc. I've found it very comforting to read. I'm too new here to post links, but if you Google Through an Al-Anon Filter you'll find it.

Hang In There!
HopefulinFLA is offline  
Old 07-08-2013, 08:27 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
 
dandylion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 15,539
Whishful, you don't have to make a decision tonight. You are stunned and unprepared for this shock. First get some sleep. Like Lexie said, say you won't even discuss this right now.

Get to an alanon meeting--with the baby. Begin making a plan. Realize that you have more strength than you have ever realized and you WILL live through this. You can come out on the other side of this.

Hang on to the serenity prayer, right now.

dandylion
dandylion is online now  
Old 07-08-2013, 08:39 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
BoxinRotz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,721
Originally Posted by Wishful133 View Post
No I will not allow my children in the car, BoxinRotz. No worries there. He has been sober so I didn't have a problem with him driving but now it's changed. Please don't misunderstand that.

He told me when he stopped drinking he had hit his bottom and it wasn't pretty. I can't believe it wasn't his true bottom. I'm very close to mine, so close I'm very uncomfortable and scared.
I told my husband I am done riding the Harley with him! He said, that's your choice. I said, You made that choice for me!!! He wrecked it that day n damn near killed himself! He's still at the trauma center right now telling me he's done. If he's not, I gotz to goooooo! Ya know?!!!

I can't keep going on like this! I'm tired n scared, even right now because I've become the soul provider.
BoxinRotz is offline  
Old 07-09-2013, 11:52 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 43
Thank you everyone for helping me stay strong. I wasn't able to get to a meeting last night, but I was able to read some Al Anon literature and between that and everyone's support I got thru.

I laid out my boundaries to him - told him if he was actively drinking I could not be around him and would not have a conversation with him, and that if he had our children in a vehicle with him I would call the police without hesitation. I think he was truly shocked at how calmly I said those things and he knew I meant business. I have never been so calm and detached with him and his drinking before, and that made a real difference.

This morning was not the usual after-drinking morning, he simply said to me, "I slipped, I relapsed, and I'm sorry." Usually it's over-the-top apologies, embarrassment and shame, this time was matter of fact and to the point. He says it only causes heartache.

He has some fences to mend also with our daughter. I told him that she was confused and disappointed and left it at that. He can take it from there, and I'm sure she will fill in the blanks.

This time *I* felt different. I didn't buy into the arguing like before, I didn't play his game. I felt mature, grown-up almost in a way. Also sad and just done-for. I haven't made any decisions yet, but I have prayed a lot to my Higher Power for guidance and strength. I will trust whatever direction I am taken, but at the moment my HP is telling me I need to be here. Who knows about tomorrow, right? So I will trust the feelings from my HP and go from there.

Thank you so much, everyone. I so greatly appreciate the support without judgement. I was texting a friend last night who quickly judged both me and DH and it hurt. I needed to have somewhere soft to land, and this was it. THank you.
Wishful133 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Wishful133 For This Useful Post:
honeypig (07-09-2013)
Old 07-09-2013, 12:13 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
honeypig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,540
Originally Posted by Wishful133 View Post
This time *I* felt different. I didn't buy into the arguing like before, I didn't play his game. I felt mature, grown-up almost in a way. Also sad and just done-for. I haven't made any decisions yet, but I have prayed a lot to my Higher Power for guidance and strength. I will trust whatever direction I am taken, but at the moment my HP is telling me I need to be here. Who knows about tomorrow, right? So I will trust the feelings from my HP and go from there.
Yes, yes, yes, Wishful! It sounds like you did exactly what you needed to do and are exactly where you need to be right now.

So glad you experienced this, and having done it once, you know how to work towards it in the future.

Great job!
honeypig is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:53 PM.