fedupbeyondall

Let me start with saying how theraputic SR has been for me. It's given me so much information that I'm able to make more informed decisions.

Afte I arrived home from work on Friday, sure enough, Mr. Wonderful was not there as promised. Where was he? I had no idea, I didn't call or text, what he was doing was none of my business. A couple hours later he arrived home......with an arm full of freshly washed laundry. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather as that never happens. But, then he dropped it on the couch and sulked off to the bedroom. Now, a few weeks ago I would have followed along like a kicked puppy wondering how to make things right. Not this time. I finsished the movie I had just started, decided I was hungry and asked him what he wanted on his pizza (my version of cooking as I can't cook without the firedepartment getting involved), when he said he didn't want to eat I walked out and orded what I wanted. If he wanted to eat fine, if not, oh well. I took the pups for a walk and while gone the pizza arrived, a piece was missing when I got back...(good he's eating, he doesn't usually prefering to drink his meals). I walked back into the bedroom, thanked him for doing the laundry (I was bored there's nothing else to do around here was his responce) I ignored his comment and went back to the living room.

Shortly thereafter he walked into the room and said we need to talk. I told him I was in the middle of something and I would talk to him when done. He shuffled back to the bedroom. After the show was over I walked in and told him I was ready to chat.

So, to shorten a long story to a not so long story, he actually admitted for the first time in the 7 years that I've known him, that he does have a problem and he would like to do something about it but that he wasn't quite ready yet. I told him I can respect and understand that. I also laid out some boundaries for him and gave him the consequences for crossing those boundaries. So, we shall see where this takes us. Another first, he willingly went without a drop of vodka for an entire evening, his decision, not mine. He did however, switch to wine the following night. Not sure what he is trying to accomplish with that switch but he knows where I stand so we will see.

Thank you to all of you for your continued support.

Sueski

Yeah, this place is a god-send.

Good for you for acting rather than reacting. More will be revealed, right? It's really hard to just live your life in the midst of all this, but it sounds like you are doing just that!

fedupbeyondall

Hard is an understatement HAHA. I just cannot believe he was able to actually admit he has a problem. From some of the things he said I know he is far from being ready to deal with it, but admitting the problem is the first step right? Now the question remains if he was just feeding me a line to tell me what I wanted to hear or not. I really felt genuine about his words tho, so we shall see. That's all we really can do right?

Oninhope

You actions, reactions and better yet the fact you did not react as well is .......... admired by me to say the least.

Way to go ! Woot Woot !

fedupbeyondall

Well earlier in the day I very much did react. Which resulted in his threat to not be home when I got home. A ploy for attention for sure but still. I think the best thing I could have done was not immediately start talking to him when he decided he wanted to talk. It gave me time to think about what I wanted to say and build up my defenses to whatever BS he was going to give me. I just have to keep reminding myself to do that whenever these situations come up in the future. And we all know it will happen again.

honeypig

Hey, you were not perfect, but you were sure as hell much better than in the past, right? Once you start to learn the right things to do, it will get a little easier every single time. Taking time is a huge thing for me too--not stopping my life to attend to his (non-urgent) needs, not upsetting my life to make sure he feels better, and taking a moment to consider my answers in conversations. VERY hard to do--but oh so rewarding when you begin to do it and see just how much better you feel.

Congrats, fedup, you're making progress and you'll only gain momentum as you go!

fedupbeyondall

Thanks honeypig. As they say, practice maks perfect.