Oninhope

On Saturday I said goodbye to my AH of 2.5 years. I have known him almost all my life.

Had a crush on him 30 years ago. He has been working on some things since leaving 6 weeks ago but still drinking.

Told him I am taking the measures to end the relationship with a man who puts alcohol over every relationship in his life. Two years sobriety is what I need to see.

Heartbroken...............

On to healing.........

CarryOn

Welcome Oninhope. I'm sorry to hear your marriage is ending, as I'm sure that is very sad for you, but certainly understand why when he has not made any commitment to quit drinking at this time. Now that you have set your boundary, are you prepared to enforce it? Also, what are you doing to take care of yourself? Have you read the stickies at the top of the forum, considered Al-Anon, are you figuring out who you are and what your wants/needs for life are?

Good for you for taking such a big step. You sound brave and confident! More so than me for sure...I wish you all the best in this journey.

funkynassau

Hi, I am new here too, because of an alcoholic friend. I've had to set boundaries as well and it hurts to have to do this but I've had enough. I think he'll choose alcohol over my friendship because it's easier.

Best of luck to you,
Funkynassau

dandylion

Oninhope, congratulations for making yourself a priority. You never would be as long as he is not in recovery (TRUE recovery) mode. Sure it hurt and is sad at the time of breakup---but, remember that you are doing the necessary short-term pain for long term gain.

dandylion

Tuffgirl

Welcome!

Sorry for the situation that brings you here, and many of us understand letting go of cherished relationships that are riddled with addictions. Sadly, those who have addictions are unavailable to have relationships.

You sound very grounded. Fortunately, heartbreak doesn't last forever. Hang in there!
~T

Oninhope

"Now that you have set your boundary, are you prepared to enforce it? Also, what are you doing to take care of yourself? Have you read the stickies at the top of the forum, considered Al-Anon, are you figuring out who you are and what your wants/needs for life are?"

Currently seeing a Christian Therapist. Reaching out to loved ones. Reading lots. Codependent No More. Surrounding myself with "persons of like mind" Who love and support me. I promise you I am engaging in lots of self care.

Thank you

BlueSkies1

Congrats for getting off the crazy train!
Well wishes for you and your recovery. I hope at some point he joins you. I really hope that you are fine with yourself, so that you are ok whether he does or not, your life goes on.

funkynassau

Wow, I love that phrase "unavailable to have relationships." How perfect is that!

Funkynassau

unsureoffuture

I'm sorry you are here and having to end you marriage. I am having to do the same for the same reasons. My ADH is still drinking too despite me asking him to get into therapy or AA. Although he is attempting to "cut down", he hasn,t stopped. I know how it feels when your loved one chooses alcohol over their family. It hurts. Keep focusing on you and your recovery. Its in you HP's hands now. Just wanted you to know you are not alone.