CarryOn

Thanks for posting jstar, though I know some of these responses have been difficult for you to read. However, you actually received very good advise from the friends & family perspective.

1. Actions, not words, matter in this process.
2. You need to focus on yourself and your sobriety; your husband needs to focus on his recovery.

If there is one thing you may be able to tell your husband, it would be that you understand your alcoholism has become a family disease, and you both have recoveries to work. His recovery may include educating himself about alcoholism, Al-Anon, therapy, etc. Then leave him to it. Please understand the family members have often heard every excuse/story/explanation in the book and the words of the A are no longer believed or trusted. The truth is in their actions - do they continue to drink/hide/deceive/excuse behavior or do they take responsibility for their actions, seek help, and work a program?

If you are truly looking to understand what this disease is like for your family, read some of the threads on this forum and take a little walk in our shoes. You will see that the focus here tends to be on taking care of ourselves & recovering from our codependency, while learning to allow our A's to face the consequences of their own choices and work their own recoveries.

Should you read more here you will also understand the tone of this board (I don't read a lot on the other forums so I can't speak for them), TRUTH is spoken here, hard as it may be to hear. I just posted about this on another thread the other day...some posters are direct, almost abrasive at times, and others are very gentle. Frankly, it is what a lot of us need - sometimes we need direct, sometimes we need gentle and we generally get both. Everything here is from a place of support with good intentions in mind.

I wish you well in your recovery.

Ann

Jstar, I'm sorry the responses here upset you, you asked a question and got some good honest replies. I wish you all the very best in your recovery and in the end it doesn't matter much what anyone thinks, it's what you think of yourself that counts and you can be proud of yourself for reaching out for recovery.

And Ippochick, you have been asked nicely before to refrain from criticizing members here, and yet you continue and make this thread a debate between you and members here...it's not about you, it's about Jstar and her problems.

I am closing this thread until the moderator of this forum can decide how to handle the unrest that seems to have ensued between members.

Thank you all for understanding.