Which came first?
 

This is a serious question, one that I've been contemplating for a very long time.

I hear stories of my AH when he was growing up, and even at a very young age the stories about him all (as far as I'm concerned) show how selfish he really is. In fact most of his family are self-centered.

So my question is; do addicts become selfish or, do selfish people become addicts?

It seems to me at least in my AH case no matter what kind of trouble he got into growing up no punishment could make him change his behavior. In fact punishment made it worse. So if he got busted at school with alcohol or pot and his parents were "disappointed" he really didn't give a rats @**.

Just makes me wonder...

Opinions?

This is like the chicken and the egg... addicts are selfish, selfish people can become addicts, not all are. Have you seen the movie "trainspotting"? there's an excellent scene where one of the characters, Mark Renton, will not let a girl who just lost her baby take a hit before he does. How's that for selfish?

Without having much information sounds like his parents had lose boundaries and he never really felt the consequences of his actions. His parents probably enabled him more than they would admit.

I think it varies from person to person too. AXH is super-self-centered, but given that he started drinking daily in high school and never stopped, I can't tell you if he's addict-selfish or stunted-emotional-growth selfish

It's sort of an academic question though don't you think? You deserve better, regardless if why he is selfish.

Rather than concentrate on the selfish part, which I know is easy to do, I think it's more of a situation of dysfuntion breeds dysfunction and the self-centered trait is just a symptom of the dysfunction. My husband, who is an only child, was also very self centered, alcoholism just brought that out even more. His parents are also very self centered and self involved. There is addiction going back generations. Also not surprisingly, his parents were his biggest enablers.

But I also agree with lillamy, regardless, you deserve better.

I found that I got caught up in my loved one's rough childhood (which it was), and ALLOWED unacceptable behavior as a result.

I don't mean that to come across as unsympathetic, but I finally came to realize that unacceptable behavior is unacceptable. It does not matter the "cause" of it.

The which came first part of things kept me stuck...a long time in trying to make it better....and it did not assist my loved one in any way shape or form.

For me, it's one of those things that doesn't matter. Is it a disease? Doesn't matter. Is it genetic? Doesn't matter. Was I selfish first or after? Doesn't matter.

What matters is my readiness to be responsible and DO something about it. The rest is semantics.

Just my experience thus far.

I truly believe that all alcoholics/addicts are different, so i don't think there's a definitive answer to this.