cam76

Hi guys
I've posted a few times about my xabf who I had to kick out of our home about 6 months ago. About 2 weeks ago I found out he has a new girlfriend who is also involved in alcohol and smoking weed.
This week he has been calling me alot but I avoided all calls until last night. He was working so I knew he was sober so I took his call. After work I met him, I know I shouldn't have but I guess curiosity took over me.
He told me some crazy stories that now have me worried about him. I guess since I kicked him out he is struggling for money, which I don't care about as he left me completely broke due to my enabling habits. He told me last night that he has started transporting large amounts of weed in our town once a month. He also said he sold cocaine last week and had a crazy bender on extacy tablets. It was strange when he told me because I felt completely disconnected from the conversation. I felt like there was no point in reacting any way other than to tell him I didn't want to know and that it appears to me that he is going down a dangerous path in life.
I spoke to him about his new girlfriend and advised him to be single for a while as he is probably using her rather than wanting to be with her.
Then today I woke up and the realisation of what he is involved in really hit me. I considered calling the cops on him but I have no proof of what he does, I considered contacting his family but they already avoid the fact that he is an alcoholic. I feel like I should do something... to help him or to make him realise how dangerous he is making his life. And then another part of me wants to ignore it all. But it's hard to ignore somebody you care about when they are putting themselves into such crazy situations.
I am completely anti-drugs, I am a Social Worker involved with young people and I have seen over and over again how all this can destroy people. As I work in the area it's difficult to ignore my xabf's issues. What the heck do I do?

akalacha

OK, just my opinion here-but he's your Xabf! What you do is let go and move on with your own life and leave him to his.

cam76

I know akalacha, I know I should! I just wondered was it some cry for help from him or something?? He knows I detest his lifestyle and why he would tell me these stories is what's troubling me I guess. He knows they don't impress me, I guess maybe I'm stunned that rather than hitting rock bottom he is just getting involved in worse behaviour that when he was with me. Sorry I know you are right, It's just difficult to accept that.

dandylion

cam76---I see a manipulation to suck you back in---which he did! Here you are worrying about him and trying to rationalize his behavior ("cry for help")! Nothing you do will change him---just drag you in deeper than you already are.

Dear girl---run from this burning house!!

I say this from the upmost caring.

dandylion

cam76

Thanks Dandylion... manipulation is what he is best at. Thank you for caring x

pravchaw

I agree its none of your business. If you feel the need to get it off your chest, get all your facts and details together and send it to the cops as an anonymous tip. They usually have websites for that.

AnvilheadII

he knows what he is doing. he knows it's dangerous. he is aware of the risks. these are HIS choices.

he reached out to see if you were still there....in case things with the new girlie go wrong or he gets in trouble and needs somewhere to run. he's setting the trap.

make that your LAST conversation or interaction with him. you know all you need to know...he hasn't changed, he's in deeper and he's with someone else.

akalacha

cam76, I KNOW it's easier said than done. Yes, it's difficult to accept. But it does you no good to get sucked back into his problems. Let it go, really, you can do it!

cam76

Thanks again, I spoke to a friend and my sister today. I guess both love me so much that they battle with speaking harshly to me because I am a softie. So thank you for the harsh straight talking. It's well received and appreciated x

NYCDoglvr

It helps to keep in mind that active alcoholics always try to hang on to enablers. Rescue me! The only person we can rescue is ourselves.