CompletelyLost4

Hi all! I haven't been on here in a while. Been super busy with normal summertime fun with my kiddos. I had planned a Myrtle Beach vacation back in January before the craziness with STBXAH began, and I decided to keep that commitment for the boys. It was awesome! My parents went along, and it was so relaxing, stress-free, the kids had a blast. . .we were just blissfully happy and the distance from STBXAH was nice for a week. It was just what we needed.

On the other hand, STBXAH has been a real ball of joy. He has been served papers, which is fantastic. Now I have a date to look forward to - July 29 this divorce is final whether he signs or not. A relief for sure, considering he is making the custody agreement a real chore. He keeps coming up with minute details to change, excuses, etc. and I finally came to the realization last week that the guy doesn't have a lawyer, he just keeps having some random paralegal read through it. . .I'm not changing another darn thing!!! Like it or not, he's an alcoholic, no matter how much he wants to play the "poor me" card, and the more I'm away from him the more I'm convinced he's crazy. Just delusional! What I'm asking for is fair and reasonable considering his current status, and if he won't sign I'm going to ask for what I wanted in the first place - sole custody.

A brief summary of the past few weeks: we had bought Cardinals tickets for him and my FIL for Father's Day when STBXAH went into detox. The date was 90 days from his release. . .should have been a celebration. My boys are HUGE baseball fans, and this game was against the Rangers - their other favorite team. STBXAH comes by the night before, the boys are pumped, and he tells them he's not taking them. The boys are devastated. My cousin and his wife end up taking the boys instead, but still - another thing they will never forget.

The icing on the cake (to top lots of random A crap) is that the day we leave for Myrtle Beach, I start getting text after text, call after call. When I finally check them, it is STBXAH. . .he has quit his job. Since he quit, no unemployment, which means no child support. It also means no insurance for the boys since he turned down Cobra. I have put the boys on our state's kid plan for now, but I am enraged. How many manipulative games can he play at the kids' expense? Who wouldn't want to support his children?

On the plus side, I'm not letting it weigh me down. I'm still reading, meditating, running, practicing yoga - whatever I can do to keep me focused. Plus, I am giving lots and lots of hugs to my boys. I am determined to not let their father's choices affect our daily lives. We are playing outside, watching movies together, spending time with family, and trying to heal. For the first time in a long time, even though there is crap and stress I feel optimistic that better days are on the horizon. When this is all said and done, I hope my boys can look back and say the bravest and best thing I ever did for them was remove them from an alcoholism- fueled home.

Sorry so long. . .just a lot to share.

laurie6781

Thank you for checking in and letting us know what is happening to you and the boys. I would make sure the Court knows that he QUIT his job and did not get Cobra as the Court will probably STILL order Child Support and the more he gets into arrears the more consequences he will have.

It really sounds great how you have and are working on you, good job!!

Just remember we are here for you and are walking with you in spirit.

Love and hugs,

Tuffgirl

Welcome back! In my world, this seems to be common. I think its a power play - the only one left. Just think about it - it puts you in a terrible bind, maybe you will go running back and admit how wrong you were and how much you need him.

I've seen men do this for years. Work under the table for cash, live like a pauper, as long as they don't need to pay anything to 'that woman'.

Stay strong!
~T

Sally3127

Bravo!