Help me put everything in perspective... again!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 78
Help me put everything in perspective... again!
I had contact with my AEXB. At that time it seemed like a good idea and now, of course, I am just aching. I will be ok.
To be honest I am a bit confused, even though I am trying really hard to have it not be my problem because it is not. I just need wise advice to keep moving forward for me and not for him. So HELP!
He is 100+ days sober and he has NOT had any struggle at all. At least that is what he said. I find that odd, but it could be a possibility. He has done it with no program, therapy and he is only going to one meeting a week. He told me that every day is been seen as an opportunity rather than a struggle. Good for him! Right?
We then talked for a while and then I told him that if he is really that great and not struggling and he said, "it seems that you want me to be struggling". I was very honest. OF COURSE, I believe you are struggling. For four years that is all you did, how can I not think you are?! Especially because we don't talk. He got a bit defensive, so I kept my cool....especially because I saw a bit of manipulation. He seems to be doing great but I really don't get it. He is sober, but he really hasn't worked with the root of his problem that led him into drinking.
It has been hard letting go. He broke up with me. He said that the alcohol blurred him and that he was not in love. This after 4 years.. I read an article that alcoholics (sober or not) have a hard time being empathetic. I have no idea why I started bursting out my emotions to him. He said (which is true), I really don't know what to do or how to help you because I am a cause of the pain. I kept saying "you are right. This is useless". He just seemed very numb and with no ache or pain. Why is that? He said that he understands what I am going through because he has been in relationships that had ended before, I replied "no you don't understand what I am going through because you have never been in love" and to be honest "he has never been in love with an alcoholic"
How can he be so happy?
Starting from 0 with no contact because I am done feeling miserable for myself.
To be honest I am a bit confused, even though I am trying really hard to have it not be my problem because it is not. I just need wise advice to keep moving forward for me and not for him. So HELP!
He is 100+ days sober and he has NOT had any struggle at all. At least that is what he said. I find that odd, but it could be a possibility. He has done it with no program, therapy and he is only going to one meeting a week. He told me that every day is been seen as an opportunity rather than a struggle. Good for him! Right?
We then talked for a while and then I told him that if he is really that great and not struggling and he said, "it seems that you want me to be struggling". I was very honest. OF COURSE, I believe you are struggling. For four years that is all you did, how can I not think you are?! Especially because we don't talk. He got a bit defensive, so I kept my cool....especially because I saw a bit of manipulation. He seems to be doing great but I really don't get it. He is sober, but he really hasn't worked with the root of his problem that led him into drinking.
It has been hard letting go. He broke up with me. He said that the alcohol blurred him and that he was not in love. This after 4 years.. I read an article that alcoholics (sober or not) have a hard time being empathetic. I have no idea why I started bursting out my emotions to him. He said (which is true), I really don't know what to do or how to help you because I am a cause of the pain. I kept saying "you are right. This is useless". He just seemed very numb and with no ache or pain. Why is that? He said that he understands what I am going through because he has been in relationships that had ended before, I replied "no you don't understand what I am going through because you have never been in love" and to be honest "he has never been in love with an alcoholic"
How can he be so happy?
Starting from 0 with no contact because I am done feeling miserable for myself.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
mv, I think you are very wise and are doing the very best thing to protect yourself from further pain.
He may be "dry", but he is in no way recovering. Just over 3 mo. sober without much of a program is really just whiteknuckeling it. His attitude, alone (manipulation), is telling you that.
Good show.
dandylion
He may be "dry", but he is in no way recovering. Just over 3 mo. sober without much of a program is really just whiteknuckeling it. His attitude, alone (manipulation), is telling you that.
Good show.
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 340
who knows if he is happy or not. his life and his recovery are non of your business at this point. after all that I hope you are convinced about your decisions and the fact that he is not good for you in any capacity.
save up your energy for yourself. its crazy isn't it? letting go is hard since we get attached and many times it is just the attachment, the bond that we are dealing with regardless of what we rationally think, if they were good or bad for us etc.
save up your energy for yourself. its crazy isn't it? letting go is hard since we get attached and many times it is just the attachment, the bond that we are dealing with regardless of what we rationally think, if they were good or bad for us etc.
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