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After the EX

Old 07-05-2013, 09:42 AM
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After the EX

I've been seeing a lovely man for about five months now. We started out as friends but things moved on from there. XA was a good guy when sober but did become verbally/emotionally abusive when he drank. But we got along great for years until the drinking took over. New guy is wonderful. I've had some trouble getting used to it. He's generous, kind, and considerate. I often have to bite my tongue because my first impulse is to say "Oh, you don't need to do that" or "Are you sure you want to?" when he wants to help me or do something nice for me. But I do bite my tongue and don't say it, because I know this is how things should be with two people who care about each other. I'd forgotten what that's like. I know that I feel good when I can do something to make him happy, I'm sure he feels the same way about me. It's just so different from what I experienced the last few years with XA. But I AM getting used to it, and I like it!
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Old 07-05-2013, 09:47 AM
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Yay Akalacha! So happy for you today.

Old habits are hard to break, but sounds as if you are handling it all very well. Thanks for sharing.
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Old 07-05-2013, 10:32 AM
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Great post! Yes indeed, it's quite an adjustment getting used to a nice, healthy person...but what fun!
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Old 07-05-2013, 12:52 PM
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Yes...healthy! I knew that living with my now exA was doing me damage, but I didn't realize how negatively it had affected my confidence and self worth. Fortunately I'm working on and improving both of those things.
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Old 07-05-2013, 12:57 PM
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Thank you so much akalacha, for your powerful reminder.
Yes, we are worth it!

Fortunately I'm working on and improving both of those things.
I am grateful for you, happy for you and hopeful for me.
Love good relationship reports.

Beth
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Old 07-05-2013, 01:05 PM
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Happy for you!!
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Old 07-05-2013, 02:05 PM
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Awesome!

I'll bet you made it possible, by doing the recovery work--dealing with your own damaged self-esteem, learning to pay attention to red flags....

Gives us all hope, eh?
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Old 07-05-2013, 03:35 PM
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Yes, I have spent a lot of time and effort on my own recovery.
"Gives us all hope, eh?" Yes, that is the message of my original post. Not to gloat that I have found someone who treats me well, but that WE ALL deserve to be treated well. And that it may take a while to get used to after being in a bad relationship with an addict/alcoholic. But there is life after an A. And it can be good. We are all worth and deserving of a good relationship in our lives. I am pretty happy these days. I have to add that SR has been such a help to me while finding myself again. Thank you all.
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