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Almost knocked on his damn door tonight

Old 07-04-2013, 05:38 PM
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Almost knocked on his damn door tonight

I know he's still on his bender. His car never or rarely moves. Found myself on the way back from a date in his driveway. Took every ounce of strength I had to pull the car back out and drive away. I did it. But I'm still feeling weak. Want to text him or contact him. I miss the good guy. ****!!! I hate these kind of moments. I'm doing so well, and then BAM! Like a brick freaking wall, I'm overcome with emotion.

I'm OK. I'm OK. Just needed to vent and get some support. There's nothing there but a mean drunk who would probably hurt me if I stopped. I'm insane to even imagine otherwise. And yet, here I am, blabbing away with my childish codependent needs. I'm sorry.

I wish to GOD I DIDN'T GIVE A CRAP!!
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Old 07-04-2013, 05:46 PM
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I feel like that's our cross to bear...caring. Because, really...what did we love? A shadow...an idea...certainly not the person...because the "good guy" doesn't exist as we imagine them. The "person we love" embodies cruelty, pain and despair.

Vent away! And remember, you're NOT weak. You are strong. You didn't contact him. You walked away. It takes INCREDIBLE strength to read here, post here and ask for support.
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Old 07-04-2013, 05:48 PM
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It is so hard! I've been contemplating contacting my loved one today too. I know that no good will come of it.

What is stopping me right now is doing my recovery readings, writing, being here amongst those that understand, and texting my "champions" instead. Those that are truly on my side, healthy for me and support my positive life pursuits are my champions.

Maybe we can both just get through today. One day at a time, right?
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Old 07-04-2013, 06:09 PM
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I find myself in situations where I will text my thoughts to my ABF, he will respond by going on an alcohol spree and avoid conflict, and then I will after a few days (or the next) send the voicemail or text message asking how he is. It was a habit for me to be in communication with him all of the time over the past years and now I need to learn to break the habit especially when he is drinking and I have done nothing wrong. I admire you for backing out of the driveway. I was talked out of going to visit my abf by my recovering father who reminded me that a conversation with someone who is drunk is wasted time. Thank you for your post!
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Old 07-04-2013, 06:13 PM
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Thank you so much. This helps. Taking my baby to see some fireworks. This place helps my resolve to stay strong. You have no idea.
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Old 07-04-2013, 06:22 PM
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You showed incredible strength to take care of yourself first and forgo seeing him when you were as far as his driveway. I've given in to impulse in the past and felt worse as a result. It kept me strong to not do it again and get over him. The person you wanted to see isn't there. I understand. Stay strong you're doing great.
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