timeforchange33

This is my first time posting. I've used this site for quite some time to help me deal with this emotional rollercoaster of being married to an addict. Today i decided to add my story. My husband has abused cocaine since he was 16 we are both in our early 30's. I was oblivious to this when we met. Needless to say quickly I became aware..his actions spoke volumes from physical abuse which hasn't happened in about 5 yrs, infidelity, verbal abuse, jail( multiple times) etc..Actions spoke loud but I continued to hold on to the few months of goodness a year that we did have(fooling myself) I lost who I was trying to hang onto our marriage and manage a household. I forgot to add I am a professional with a Masters degree( which I attained in the midst of all this) and he has barely held a job and when he did I had to manage his money.Finally i have decided to divorce him even had him served and he goes into inpatient rehab for 6 months!! Here I am something that I have prayed for I'm thinking I cant abandon him now..he has been there Two weeks I drove him there..brought him all his supplies..made my first drive and visit thinking he is really going to work this program..now Here i sit confused..he called me I reacted to something i found out that he engaged in before going into rehab he hung up on me..shifted the blame to me & says he wants nothing to do with me.I should be relieved..I'm free..but why do I feel betrayed & hurt??!!
Sorry so long & thanks for reading

Hammer

Well welcome.

Dunno what to say about that, or much of anything else.

Mrs. Hammer is back a little over 6 months from rehab, and I would likely send her back if possible. Sort of a botched mess, it seems. But dunno.

Was joking today that I may pick up an addiction. Damn near any will do. Seems easy. Spend some weeks in rehab in Florida, bytching about whatever, and blaming everyone else for my behavior. Someone else would pay for it all, right? That is the way this stuff rolls. Then come home, claim special status, and still not take responsibility for anything. Just act like an entitled a-hole. These addicts have their game down. We could learn something from them.

CarryOn

Sometimes it seems like the hurt and betrayal just keep coming and coming. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with that. This is all very fresh for you...it's possible you hadn't even had the time to process some of these events emotionally as they were happening (or you didn't know about them & are just finding out), and now you have that time. This topic came up at the last Al-Anon meeting I went to...one of the veterans assured us over time you are able to think about these things and move past the emotion...you've processed it all and are able to let it go. I hope to get there someday too, but it's good to know that it's possible and hopefully will get easier. I may be rambling a little bit now...but I guess I'm trying to say you are not alone.

Now you should turn your focus to yourself. I started counseling a while back, have a few trusted family & friends to discuss things with, attend Al-Anon, read here at SR, journal, etc. These things all help me process what has happened in my life, how I got where I am, and what I want out of my life and relationships going forward. I've got an advanced degree and a good career too...but I don't want those to be all I am, and those achievements didn't prevent me from being affected by RAH's disease. Since you've been lurking, you've probably heard all this before. Regardless, welcome, we're sorry for what has brought you here, but we're glad to have you!

timeforchange33

Thanks for the feedback. I woke up this morning and claimed today..it's a new day!! I'm going to focus on me..my first al anon meeting is tonight..Im excited & nervous but I will move forward!!

honeypig

Good for you! Wishing you strength, peace and clarity all day long.

Please do post here and let us know how the meeting went for you.

Hammer

[another] Good for you.

Alanon has been great for me and in broader terms, our family.

When the kids would ask about it, I would call it My Good Daddy Club -- where folks would teach me things to be a better daddy to them. They would giggle and tell me to study hard.

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ps sorry for the crazy We Should All Be Addicts post above. Had been running through the bowels of my mind, and wound up here. doh.