How my day has been
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
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How my day has been
Just posting to let a little steam off.
AH had court this morning (not alcohol related)and as usual when he's stressed we all felt it. He's been a knobby tw*t all day and especially since court.
And of course he bought some booze....2 bottles of wine. within seconds of having his 1st glass he was telling me how he always gets the ****** end of the stick and how **** everything and everybody in his life is (oh but apart from our son obviously) then he started on about some guy who was in court for dropping a cigarette butt. He was like the government sells them to you then they fine you...I didn't say anything, then it was why do they make cars that can go over 70 mph and it went on like that for a bit.Then he was angry cos he said i was ignoring him and to be honest I was cos he was doing my head in being so negative so I told him that I felt like he was trying to pick a fight cos he was in a bad mood. Then he called me a f*cking ********. I told him not to call me names , I don't speak to him like that so I don't want him to speak to me like that. Then he was like well you are just wordsmart instead.
There was no winning or reasoning so I just said that I didn't want to argue and that if I was annoying him so much then he should go to another room , I couldn't leave cos I was cooking dinner for me and our son.
He just shut up then but sat with his legs across the sink so I had to lean over him to wash anything in the sink.
I've been trying really hard to respond differently to him and to not be a victim but its pretty hard, still I guess it's just day one.
His mum arrived while he was out in the caravan and I had to ring him to let him know that she was here.
He was trolleyed when he came in but she didn't seem to notice. He was just on the edge of slurring his words. The conversation was pretty negative and he told her that he hadn't been drinking. I had to say something but I shouldn't have. Then he was like I've had a couple of glasses of wine and straight away I said a couple of bottles. Again that was pretty dickish but I just came out with it.
Anyway when he started joking with his mam about dogging I left them to it.
I said goodnight to her but not him and went to bed.
After she left he came in to me and was like you in bed then yeah? I 'll just go to the caravan and do these hats (as in you lie in bed love I'll do the real work type of thing).
Obviously when I write it all down it comes across as pathetic interchanges and they are and I'm part of it.
Must try harder not to react like a dick.
Obviously the few days of not drinking and being sort of like a normal family weren't going to last but it's always a tw*t when it happens.
Anyway talk soon xxx
AH had court this morning (not alcohol related)and as usual when he's stressed we all felt it. He's been a knobby tw*t all day and especially since court.
And of course he bought some booze....2 bottles of wine. within seconds of having his 1st glass he was telling me how he always gets the ****** end of the stick and how **** everything and everybody in his life is (oh but apart from our son obviously) then he started on about some guy who was in court for dropping a cigarette butt. He was like the government sells them to you then they fine you...I didn't say anything, then it was why do they make cars that can go over 70 mph and it went on like that for a bit.Then he was angry cos he said i was ignoring him and to be honest I was cos he was doing my head in being so negative so I told him that I felt like he was trying to pick a fight cos he was in a bad mood. Then he called me a f*cking ********. I told him not to call me names , I don't speak to him like that so I don't want him to speak to me like that. Then he was like well you are just wordsmart instead.
There was no winning or reasoning so I just said that I didn't want to argue and that if I was annoying him so much then he should go to another room , I couldn't leave cos I was cooking dinner for me and our son.
He just shut up then but sat with his legs across the sink so I had to lean over him to wash anything in the sink.
I've been trying really hard to respond differently to him and to not be a victim but its pretty hard, still I guess it's just day one.
His mum arrived while he was out in the caravan and I had to ring him to let him know that she was here.
He was trolleyed when he came in but she didn't seem to notice. He was just on the edge of slurring his words. The conversation was pretty negative and he told her that he hadn't been drinking. I had to say something but I shouldn't have. Then he was like I've had a couple of glasses of wine and straight away I said a couple of bottles. Again that was pretty dickish but I just came out with it.
Anyway when he started joking with his mam about dogging I left them to it.
I said goodnight to her but not him and went to bed.
After she left he came in to me and was like you in bed then yeah? I 'll just go to the caravan and do these hats (as in you lie in bed love I'll do the real work type of thing).
Obviously when I write it all down it comes across as pathetic interchanges and they are and I'm part of it.
Must try harder not to react like a dick.
Obviously the few days of not drinking and being sort of like a normal family weren't going to last but it's always a tw*t when it happens.
Anyway talk soon xxx
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 352
I actually think you did really well keeping it together and not rising to his bait, especially when he called you a f#cking d#ckhead..... You're so good to not say something nasty back and play into his game. My A always used to start picking at me to create arguments to give him a reason to run off on a bender. I was rarely smart enough not to rise to it like you have.
Maybe his mum did know he was drunk but just didn't want to acknowledge it?
Maybe his mum did know he was drunk but just didn't want to acknowledge it?
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 68
Thanks KKE.
I got my courage to change al anon book on monday night so I was reading it voraciously cos I really want to change my situation and use the tools available to me to help myself but its hard.
Nobody said it would be easy though.
I hope you're doing ok.
xxx
I got my courage to change al anon book on monday night so I was reading it voraciously cos I really want to change my situation and use the tools available to me to help myself but its hard.
Nobody said it would be easy though.
I hope you're doing ok.
xxx
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 352
Yeah I'm ok thank you :-)
So do you think that book is worth getting? I went back to alanon on Monday. Hadn't been for like 7 months and even then I'd only been to 3 meetings. Because my A is in recovery I wasn't sure if I needed to go but realised while he's working on him I need to work on me.
So how are things now? Has his mum left? Did the brothers come?
So do you think that book is worth getting? I went back to alanon on Monday. Hadn't been for like 7 months and even then I'd only been to 3 meetings. Because my A is in recovery I wasn't sure if I needed to go but realised while he's working on him I need to work on me.
So how are things now? Has his mum left? Did the brothers come?
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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I was loaned the book by the librarian so you could probably do that too and if you like it then get your own copy. It seems like most people at the group I go to have a copy.
It's got daily topics to read with affirmations and quotes. I've got to say that I'm not usually one for affirmations but I reckon I just need to take a bit more time to really feel whats being said and to listen to the wisdom.
His mum came on her own, both brothers dropped out (what a waste of my ire!! I feel a little embarrassed at how vile I felt.)
She 's staying til Saturday but is staying at his sisters home to care for her children while his sister is away working.
I'm just going to try to keep the focus on myself and my son.
I got up this morning and took my little boy to the softplay near our house as I couldn't stand just waiting for him to wake up. We woke up at 6am, he rang me at 10am.
He mum actually said to him last night that we must be living separate lives with him sleeping in the caravan and me sleeping in the house...she's so right.
His reason for sleeping out there is that he can't sleep through the night with our toddler and that when I wake up I can get back to sleep but he can't....he suffers from alcohol and drug induced insomnia.
To be honest I used to feel resentful about him sleeping out there but honestly now I prefer it because he's not a very considerate person, often shouting and swearing in the night if he can't sleep.
He's angry today because he wants us to have two stalls at a festival we're working this weekend and I told him that I felt we would be overloading us by doing so as it's a very busy festival and there will only be the two of us and our son and I am obviously going to be taking care of our son s can't commit to being able to look after a stall on my own. Anyway I've said my piece and we will have to see how it goes.
Some people who has recently fallen out with are going to be working there so he's getting very over the top about it...he was like 'my back is up against the wall' and 'i want to f**k them in the ear'.
My life is too weird.
I'm just trying to keep the focus where it needs to be.
He doesn't like it.
I am redoubled in my resolve to leave, he's not anywhere near ready to quit.
It's got daily topics to read with affirmations and quotes. I've got to say that I'm not usually one for affirmations but I reckon I just need to take a bit more time to really feel whats being said and to listen to the wisdom.
His mum came on her own, both brothers dropped out (what a waste of my ire!! I feel a little embarrassed at how vile I felt.)
She 's staying til Saturday but is staying at his sisters home to care for her children while his sister is away working.
I'm just going to try to keep the focus on myself and my son.
I got up this morning and took my little boy to the softplay near our house as I couldn't stand just waiting for him to wake up. We woke up at 6am, he rang me at 10am.
He mum actually said to him last night that we must be living separate lives with him sleeping in the caravan and me sleeping in the house...she's so right.
His reason for sleeping out there is that he can't sleep through the night with our toddler and that when I wake up I can get back to sleep but he can't....he suffers from alcohol and drug induced insomnia.
To be honest I used to feel resentful about him sleeping out there but honestly now I prefer it because he's not a very considerate person, often shouting and swearing in the night if he can't sleep.
He's angry today because he wants us to have two stalls at a festival we're working this weekend and I told him that I felt we would be overloading us by doing so as it's a very busy festival and there will only be the two of us and our son and I am obviously going to be taking care of our son s can't commit to being able to look after a stall on my own. Anyway I've said my piece and we will have to see how it goes.
Some people who has recently fallen out with are going to be working there so he's getting very over the top about it...he was like 'my back is up against the wall' and 'i want to f**k them in the ear'.
My life is too weird.
I'm just trying to keep the focus where it needs to be.
He doesn't like it.
I am redoubled in my resolve to leave, he's not anywhere near ready to quit.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 352
So what do you sell on your stall?
Do you think he will ever return to the bedroom/do you want him to?
It's not easy to keep the focus 100% on yourself when the person is there. I guess allinn good time. You sound very determined.
Do you think he will ever return to the bedroom/do you want him to?
It's not easy to keep the focus 100% on yourself when the person is there. I guess allinn good time. You sound very determined.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 68
We sell hats and headwear. I don't want him to return at the moment but maybe at some point. He's a disruptive element in our home when he's drinking and I usually breathe a sigh of relief when he leaves to go to the caravan for the evening.
I had a conversation with a member of al anon yesterday who told me that its recommended not to make any life changing decisions or moves in the 1st 6 months of being in al anon because so much can change when you start making changes yourself.........i felt well wobbly when I heard that because it's taken me so long to decide to leave that I don't know how I could manage if I thought there was no way out.
One day at a time I suppose.
My mother in law wants to babysit so we can go out while she's here. I would really like to go out but by myself because he's been drinking pretty heavily for the last couple of days. He drank from 2pm yesterday and the 2 bottles of wine that I thought he drank the night before was actually three. I found an empty bottle of wine behind the wheelie bin yesterday evening. I challenged him about it and he said he wasn't hiding it but then he went pretty quiet.
It's so sad.
How are things with your husband? And how are you?
Sending you love xxx
I had a conversation with a member of al anon yesterday who told me that its recommended not to make any life changing decisions or moves in the 1st 6 months of being in al anon because so much can change when you start making changes yourself.........i felt well wobbly when I heard that because it's taken me so long to decide to leave that I don't know how I could manage if I thought there was no way out.
One day at a time I suppose.
My mother in law wants to babysit so we can go out while she's here. I would really like to go out but by myself because he's been drinking pretty heavily for the last couple of days. He drank from 2pm yesterday and the 2 bottles of wine that I thought he drank the night before was actually three. I found an empty bottle of wine behind the wheelie bin yesterday evening. I challenged him about it and he said he wasn't hiding it but then he went pretty quiet.
It's so sad.
How are things with your husband? And how are you?
Sending you love xxx
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 352
I'd take the offer of a babysitter then go out and find a way to leave him while you go and do your own thing - "I'm just nipping to the toilet love" *three hours later* hahahaha! Nah, maybe you should just ask his mum if she'd look after your son anyway while YOU go out? Suggest it might be nice for her and her son and grandson to bond together?
I used to challenge my partner when I found "evidence". I don't know why I bothered really. Didn't change the fact he'd been drinking on the sly. I think for me it used to make me feel like that I was showing him that I'm not an idiot and know what he's up to. Not the best reason really.
Things are good my end. Trying to get some normality back after everything. Managed to put on half a stone with all the drama so focussing on getting rid of that, and some more! My partner is still sober and doing his AA stuff which is great too.
I used to challenge my partner when I found "evidence". I don't know why I bothered really. Didn't change the fact he'd been drinking on the sly. I think for me it used to make me feel like that I was showing him that I'm not an idiot and know what he's up to. Not the best reason really.
Things are good my end. Trying to get some normality back after everything. Managed to put on half a stone with all the drama so focussing on getting rid of that, and some more! My partner is still sober and doing his AA stuff which is great too.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
I went to two Al anon mtgs, and sent XAH out of the house directly after mtg 2.
There are no rules, just guidelines. Ultimately, you have to do what is right for you.
By the time I got myself to Al Anon, AH was binge drinking and being reckless and angry around me and the children. It was high time I got him out before he caused any more damage.
Then he went to AA and talking recovery speak. I let him back in a few nights and next thing you know, he threatened to kill me and terrified the children.
When it's time for him to leave, get him the h**l out!
There are no rules, just guidelines. Ultimately, you have to do what is right for you.
By the time I got myself to Al Anon, AH was binge drinking and being reckless and angry around me and the children. It was high time I got him out before he caused any more damage.
Then he went to AA and talking recovery speak. I let him back in a few nights and next thing you know, he threatened to kill me and terrified the children.
When it's time for him to leave, get him the h**l out!
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