Brokentapestry

My life has been decimated by addictions.

AH is in the mental hospital after his fourth or fifth suicide attempt this year. I'm barely functioning. Yesterday morning I got fired. My employer has been incredibly kind and patient, but it's been almost seven months of hell since AH's relapse, and they can't keep me on any longer.

I'm in no shape to try and get another job, and so will go on unemployment, and be grateful to have this chance to try and rebuild my life without the additional stress of a 50 to 65 hour a week job.

But, after everything that has happened, this feels awful. I've been trying so hard to do the right things and put one foot in front of the other. To be told to stop is just almost unbearable.

I do realize that there are lots of people in much worse situations, I guess I'm just throwing myself a pity party. Want to come? No alcohol allowed. Party hats are required.

HopefulmomtoD

I'm so sorry brokentapestry. No words of advice except to try and take care of you. I hope something works out on the job front soon- I can only imagine the stress you are feeling.

Seren

If we are going to have a party, we might as well have a conga line!

I'm sorry to hear about this on top of it all, BT. Please take good care of yourself during this time--allow yourself to regroup, heal, and become stronger! Sending hugs and prayers.

honeypig

We have an oil lamp that we light when someone has trouble and needs help. I'll go light it for you now, BT. Sending you strength and serenity in its little flame.

Florence

Believe it or not, a similar thing happened to me too. I don't believe "things happen for a reason" but I do believe in our power to persevere.

In the meantime, be very, very kind to yourself. You are exhausted because of the stress and need some TLC. My therapist recommended that I actually do physically comforting things for myself -- to cuddle myself almost -- to help me through some of the darkness. Warm teas, fuzzy slippers, sweaters with large collars around the neck, soft blankets, a sweet kitty cat in the lap. Awesome in July, I know, but you get the gist. It did help.

LexieCat

I kinda think things DO happen for a reason. As you said, you need some time to regroup.

It hurts to lose a job, no doubt about it. I'm glad they were kind and patient for as long as they were.

Hugs, you will be OK. This is a dark spot in the tunnel, but there is light on the other side. Truly. Just take a breath and give yourself some time to process. Keep taking good care of yourself.

ACOAHappyNow

I hope soon you will have good reason to throw a grateful party! Until then rest and heal.

CentralOhioDad

Praying, and knowing, things will work out as they should for you.

C-OH Dad

Hammer

It can be hard to believe but some of my wiser Alanannies tell me that "Everything is right where it should be right now."

I so understand the employers that have to deal with *US* Geeezz. I missed almost three weeks for Mrs. Hammer's rehab. Almost 10 weeks after she came home and was a whack job with the kids. Missed other time, and they all understand.

Fortunately, one of the most Senior Engineers (84 years old) on the site, has been in AA for over 30 years, and completely understands and follows all that our family has been through. I see him every week at the meeting house -- he catches his AA side of things, I catch my Alanon.

So your suicidal hubby in the hospital? And now you have some free time to re-group and work on your stuff?

Gotta tell you, I think the Alananny Angels speak the truth . . . .

Everything is right where it should be right now.

FireSprite

I'm in the "everything for a reason" camp too - I don't believe life throws us too many true coincidences in reality.

I hope you can focus on your own recovery & healing ~ sending lots of positive energy your way!!!

wicked

I think Hammer is right, the Angels of Alananny are spot on,

I will call myself the AA Nana, and I say since your husband is where he should be,
(in a mental hospital after all those suicide attempts)
Then you are where you should be.

Yes, it sucks to be let go.
I was let go, and had a pity party for about two weeks, sulking and smoking and watching TV.
Then, I remembered I could go to school on the money I saved in the Army just for
that very purpose. I had taken this job (as a legal assistant, glorified secretary) out
of fear that my ex would not be able to support us, because he had fallen into the
rabbit hole of crack.

So, I have my party hat! Let's conga with hydrogirl while we take time to regroup and think about what you want to do from here.

I have to say that sometimes the government is good for times like these.
Help from DHS, and if you have that brilliant money making idea, small business loans to build your dream.

But, if you look at it another way, you CAN stop.
It has been hell and horrible the past seven months.
Your husband is safe and AWAY from you.
Now, you will be able to think, instead of just put one foot in front of the other.

You certainly have time to feel awful, and take time to do that.
I hope you feel better soon.

(I have a couple of procedures tomorrow, and I am grateful for the ability
to go and get the procedures done.)

Take care of yourself and I will be thinking of you.

Beth

Tuffgirl

When a door closes...another opens. This may be exactly what you need right now, albeit feeling like another smack in the face.

I like to call these moments my "do-over's". They never happen when I want them to, by the way! But when they do happen, its time for AFGE's (another f'ing growth experience). Always know the end result will be so much better than where you are now. But it's bumpy and painful going through it.

Prayers from me today,
~T

BoxinRotz

And the hallways are reeeeeeallllllllllly DARK!!!

MsPINKAcres

Yes they are ~ So try not to stay frozen in a hallway- maybe stay focused on the Next Right Thing and First Things First - One Day at a Time - trusting your HP for guidance and peace to walk you thru what is healthy for you.

Breathe Just Breathe ~

PINK HUGS!

sadielady

Broken Tapestry, sending big hugs and lots of love your way. I can only imagine how must mental anguish you have right now, and I want you to know how brave you are. I agree that sometimes the universe speaks to us through bad stuff like this, and I also wish for you some moments of self-care that you might not have been able to seize otherwise.

Will be thinking of you. LOTS.

Brokentapestry

You guys really are so amazing. And, I do believe that things happen when you need them. I found this site and all of you right before everything went horrible. It has helped me so much to be able to reach out to people who understand what addiction does to your life.

I'm gathering myself, the little one, and the dog, and we are going on a road trip today to visit family for the 4th of July.

I'm scared to not have a job, and it was a blow to be fired. But, I'm kind of excited. In the past 7 months my life HAS been decimated. Everything that we built has been blown up, and demolished. This means I have to rebuild, but I also GET to rebuild. All the stuff that was part of that old life, that I didn't like, but tolerated because it was part of the package, is gone. I can be really intentional about what I let back into my new life. That's pretty cool to think about.

Happy 4th to those of you in the USA! Happy week to all of you!

Florence

Word. This therapist that helped me so much used to tell me that the new Florence depended on how much we wiped out the old Florence. I do believe that. You get a clean slate. What do you want your life to be like? Who do you want to be? There are endless possibilities.

xx

sadielady

Wow Florence, I REaLLy like that about the new you relying on how much you wiped out the old you, makings space for all that growth! Wow, that really works for me. Thank you so much for sharing that with all of us!!

Florence

She kept telling me that we had to "clear out the debris." I think about that a lot.

4MyBoys

I love the saying, "Don't let your situation define you."

I think of that a lot as I am trying to figure out the new me.