So worried about my daughter.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 7
So worried about my daughter.
Hello, this is my first post. I didn't know where else to turn. I am very worried about my twenty year old daughter. Since she was old enough to go to parties she has drunk to excess. Not day to day, just when out socialising with friends. Every time ( bar one ) I would get a call from a friend saying my daughter was completely wasted, could I collect her. She had to go to a&e one night because she fell and cut her hand badly on broken glass and another time she urinated on a sofa. It was horrendous but I hoped it was a phase that she would grow out of. Then she had a serious boyfriend who doted on her and she seemed to calm down a lot. A year into their relationship she fell pregnant. I have tried to be there for her and her and her partner lived with me and my husband during the pregnancy and for three months after my wonderful little granddaughter was born. Then they got a flat and I was so happy for them. The whole family helped decorate it and it made a lovely little home. So it all seemed good.
My daughter breastfed for six months but she was keen to stop at the six month mark and looking back I think she felt trapped because she couldn't drink because a month later she had a night out with the girls and got so drunk my husband had to drive to Brighton to collect her. I took one look at her when he and her partner got her home and told them to go straight to hospital. She was totally unconscious and unresponsive. They put her on a drip. Then a few months later, at midnight, I got a call from a girl I didn't know saying she was standing outside my daughters flat and did I have a spare key. She told me she had left her purse inside and my daughter, who was drunk, had lost her keys. I asked where my daughter was and she said she was with her outside the flat. The last thing I said was, please stay with her. So me, ,y husband and my 13 year old daughter, who I didn't want to leave alone, drove to get my daughter, with a spare key. When we arrived the strange girl was standing outside my daughters front door upstairs but there was no sign of Cathy. Immediately terrified I asked where my daughter was and she nonchalantly replied, "isn't she by the front door?" Meaning the front door to the block which we had just walked through. Well all three of us, me, my husband and my youngest, shot outside calling for Cathy, who had vanished. Thank god my husband spotted her about 50 yards up the road on all fours. She was in a terrible state but I feel bad about it now, but all the way to the car I was ranting at her for getting that way. All my adrenaline was bursting out. Anyway it was touch and go whether to take her to hospital, but she was more with it than before, so I sat up and watched her all night. In the morning I asked her whether she thought she had a drink problem, and she said yes, but I sensed it was said to appease me.
A few months later, our whole family went to Cyprus on holiday. It was lovely to get away, and my little granddaughter was a joy to have around. We had my mum with us and my ex mum in law ( my three kids other nan ), who I am still very close to. My son, who us my eldest at 23, came too. It was all going lovely until one night my daughter and her partner asked me to babysit. Thinking it was good for them to get some couple time in, I happily agreed. Anyway the next morning I was woken by my little granddaughter crying in their room. I waited for her to be settled but the crying just got worse and worse. So I knocked on their door, but their was no response, so I tried the door handle, but the door was locked. By now my husband and son were awake. The crying was hysterical but other than that there was not a peep from the room. I started banging on the door and shouting to be let in but still no response. I looked through their patio door, which adjoined our balcony and I could see them through the nets, not moving and by.now my son had joined me and was kicking the patio door, to which there was not a glimmer of movement. My husband started banging and shouting but still they did not move. I started to worry they were in a coma or even worse. Just at the point we were discussing breaking the door down, my daughters partner unlocked it and I was able to check on my daughter, who was still deeply asleep and comfort my screaming granddaughter.
Anyway that incident put a cloud over the whole holiday. My husband and son had their first row in 8 years, I think because of all their pent up tension and anger, and I started noticing how much Cathy's partner drank; drink he would buy and then go upstairs with Cathy to drink. I knew he had a troubled childhood. His mum (who has a drink problem) brought him to live in the UK when he was a young boy. Her and his step dad used to fight, and once he got so scared he called the police, and he was an outsider at school, who was bullied badly. He was a sweet polite lad, but very fidgety and hated sitting still.
Then after the holiday my youngest said that Cathy and her partner rowed badly almost every time she stayed over, ( Mia dotes on Cathy and loves spending time with her, which is understandable because Cathy is a wonderful person and a joy to be around ). I worried about it, but had no idea what I could do. I asked Cathy how things were and she had grumbles about her partner, but she seemed determined to make it work.
Just before Christmas there was a special screening of the muppets Christmas carol at a nearby cinema. We met up with my daughter, her partner and my grand daughter, but they reeked of alcohol, I mean really reeked. That was really upsetting, though I didn't say anything at the time. Then a few months later I rang my daughter one evening, but straight away I could tell she was drunk. I asked her where she was and she aid walking back from her partners mums with my granddaughter. I was worried sick for the safety of both of them so me and my husband went to the flat. No one was in, but then a taxi pulled up and it was my daughter and her partner. He was clearly drunk but not as drunk as her, and he was helping her out the taxi. It turned out they had left my granddaughter at his mums the night, which is what they always did on nights out. My daughter could barely stand so I told her partner I was taking her home so I could keep an eye on her. He wanted to look after her but I firmly told him he was in no fit state to look after her. He told me he looked after her many times and that she always gets like this, a very depressing thing to hear. Anyway he relented after following us for half a mile and getting aggressive and we took her home.
The next day I said to Cathy she needed to see her gp and discuss her drinking and she agreed. She said she wanted me to come in with her. During the chat with the gp, I could tell she was toning the truth down, but she admitted enough for the lovely gp to say though Cathy was not an alcoholic, she did have a problem and she gave her some info on ad action. I felt hopeful for a while, but after my youngest told me that Cathy and her partner said in her presence that Cathy did not have a problem, and that all young people get drunk, the hope died.
A few months later I got a call at one in the morning. It was my daughter ringing from the hospital to say her partner had head butted her. They had been out drinking with friends and some stupid incident escalated into a row, which they took outside the pub. That was when he head butted her, in a quiet street, then ran off, only to come back and shout abuse at the people who came to help her. My daughter and granddaughter have lived with us ever since, but I am always waiting for something horrible to happen because my daughter does not think she has a problem.
She went to a party recently, leaving my granddaughter with her ex and his mum for the night, and I knew she only left her there because she wanted to get wasted ( she knows I don't like babysitting overnight because I associate her going out with stressful horrible incident). One night she went out with a friend and got drunk enough to not hear her daughter crying out in the night, so my youngest who was sleeping in with her that night, had to get up to comfort her.
Then yesterday she asked me to babysit in the afternoon so she could go to the cinema at 4pm with an old school friend. I said yes, as long as she came back soon after the film. She set off at 2pm. By 8 pm she was not back, so I text her "are you on your way back" but got no response. I rang but got no response. I started to worry and called her dad at 9pm, he got no response. She got back at 10.40pm, having ignored 13 missed calls from me, my husband and her dad. She was drunk, but not falling down drunk. She would not tell me where she had been or with whom. Today she said she was with a guy she met at the party she stayed over at recently and she ignored all the calls because she was on her way back. I was furious with her and spouted all this stuff about her drinking and how I feel it is going to kill her eventually. And can't she get help for her daughters sake. She just blanked me which is how she deals with difficult things. She is such a lovely person and a great mum, but I am starting to feel so negative after years of worry and feeling powerless to do anything. I beat myself up all the time about how I mist be the worst mu. To have a daughter who hates herself so much she can't socialise without getting out of it. My aunt, my mums sister, ( now dead ) was an alcoholic, a lovely warm person, but my mum and her didn't talk for years, in part because of her drinking. My dads dad and mums were alcoholics and his brother died after falling down drunk and hitting his head. His sister died after falling down the stairs drunk and breaking her neck. My mum in laws dad was an alcoholic and her other son, Cathy's uncle, has a drink problem. Even her dad has always been someone who won't stop till he is drunk. So when people try to reassure me it's a stage of her life to do with being young, I find it hard to be reassured. I feel the worry about her is affecting my mental health. She has found a p art time job now and will be moving out in a few months, but instead of feeling happy for her like I should, I just picture her coming back to an empty flat to choke on her own vomit. I don't really know what anyone on this forum can do to help, but it has been good to get it all out and share some of this inner torment. I try to put a strong face on to the world but the mask is slipping and I am feeling angrier and angrier with my daughter and then hating myself for feeling that way.
My daughter breastfed for six months but she was keen to stop at the six month mark and looking back I think she felt trapped because she couldn't drink because a month later she had a night out with the girls and got so drunk my husband had to drive to Brighton to collect her. I took one look at her when he and her partner got her home and told them to go straight to hospital. She was totally unconscious and unresponsive. They put her on a drip. Then a few months later, at midnight, I got a call from a girl I didn't know saying she was standing outside my daughters flat and did I have a spare key. She told me she had left her purse inside and my daughter, who was drunk, had lost her keys. I asked where my daughter was and she said she was with her outside the flat. The last thing I said was, please stay with her. So me, ,y husband and my 13 year old daughter, who I didn't want to leave alone, drove to get my daughter, with a spare key. When we arrived the strange girl was standing outside my daughters front door upstairs but there was no sign of Cathy. Immediately terrified I asked where my daughter was and she nonchalantly replied, "isn't she by the front door?" Meaning the front door to the block which we had just walked through. Well all three of us, me, my husband and my youngest, shot outside calling for Cathy, who had vanished. Thank god my husband spotted her about 50 yards up the road on all fours. She was in a terrible state but I feel bad about it now, but all the way to the car I was ranting at her for getting that way. All my adrenaline was bursting out. Anyway it was touch and go whether to take her to hospital, but she was more with it than before, so I sat up and watched her all night. In the morning I asked her whether she thought she had a drink problem, and she said yes, but I sensed it was said to appease me.
A few months later, our whole family went to Cyprus on holiday. It was lovely to get away, and my little granddaughter was a joy to have around. We had my mum with us and my ex mum in law ( my three kids other nan ), who I am still very close to. My son, who us my eldest at 23, came too. It was all going lovely until one night my daughter and her partner asked me to babysit. Thinking it was good for them to get some couple time in, I happily agreed. Anyway the next morning I was woken by my little granddaughter crying in their room. I waited for her to be settled but the crying just got worse and worse. So I knocked on their door, but their was no response, so I tried the door handle, but the door was locked. By now my husband and son were awake. The crying was hysterical but other than that there was not a peep from the room. I started banging on the door and shouting to be let in but still no response. I looked through their patio door, which adjoined our balcony and I could see them through the nets, not moving and by.now my son had joined me and was kicking the patio door, to which there was not a glimmer of movement. My husband started banging and shouting but still they did not move. I started to worry they were in a coma or even worse. Just at the point we were discussing breaking the door down, my daughters partner unlocked it and I was able to check on my daughter, who was still deeply asleep and comfort my screaming granddaughter.
Anyway that incident put a cloud over the whole holiday. My husband and son had their first row in 8 years, I think because of all their pent up tension and anger, and I started noticing how much Cathy's partner drank; drink he would buy and then go upstairs with Cathy to drink. I knew he had a troubled childhood. His mum (who has a drink problem) brought him to live in the UK when he was a young boy. Her and his step dad used to fight, and once he got so scared he called the police, and he was an outsider at school, who was bullied badly. He was a sweet polite lad, but very fidgety and hated sitting still.
Then after the holiday my youngest said that Cathy and her partner rowed badly almost every time she stayed over, ( Mia dotes on Cathy and loves spending time with her, which is understandable because Cathy is a wonderful person and a joy to be around ). I worried about it, but had no idea what I could do. I asked Cathy how things were and she had grumbles about her partner, but she seemed determined to make it work.
Just before Christmas there was a special screening of the muppets Christmas carol at a nearby cinema. We met up with my daughter, her partner and my grand daughter, but they reeked of alcohol, I mean really reeked. That was really upsetting, though I didn't say anything at the time. Then a few months later I rang my daughter one evening, but straight away I could tell she was drunk. I asked her where she was and she aid walking back from her partners mums with my granddaughter. I was worried sick for the safety of both of them so me and my husband went to the flat. No one was in, but then a taxi pulled up and it was my daughter and her partner. He was clearly drunk but not as drunk as her, and he was helping her out the taxi. It turned out they had left my granddaughter at his mums the night, which is what they always did on nights out. My daughter could barely stand so I told her partner I was taking her home so I could keep an eye on her. He wanted to look after her but I firmly told him he was in no fit state to look after her. He told me he looked after her many times and that she always gets like this, a very depressing thing to hear. Anyway he relented after following us for half a mile and getting aggressive and we took her home.
The next day I said to Cathy she needed to see her gp and discuss her drinking and she agreed. She said she wanted me to come in with her. During the chat with the gp, I could tell she was toning the truth down, but she admitted enough for the lovely gp to say though Cathy was not an alcoholic, she did have a problem and she gave her some info on ad action. I felt hopeful for a while, but after my youngest told me that Cathy and her partner said in her presence that Cathy did not have a problem, and that all young people get drunk, the hope died.
A few months later I got a call at one in the morning. It was my daughter ringing from the hospital to say her partner had head butted her. They had been out drinking with friends and some stupid incident escalated into a row, which they took outside the pub. That was when he head butted her, in a quiet street, then ran off, only to come back and shout abuse at the people who came to help her. My daughter and granddaughter have lived with us ever since, but I am always waiting for something horrible to happen because my daughter does not think she has a problem.
She went to a party recently, leaving my granddaughter with her ex and his mum for the night, and I knew she only left her there because she wanted to get wasted ( she knows I don't like babysitting overnight because I associate her going out with stressful horrible incident). One night she went out with a friend and got drunk enough to not hear her daughter crying out in the night, so my youngest who was sleeping in with her that night, had to get up to comfort her.
Then yesterday she asked me to babysit in the afternoon so she could go to the cinema at 4pm with an old school friend. I said yes, as long as she came back soon after the film. She set off at 2pm. By 8 pm she was not back, so I text her "are you on your way back" but got no response. I rang but got no response. I started to worry and called her dad at 9pm, he got no response. She got back at 10.40pm, having ignored 13 missed calls from me, my husband and her dad. She was drunk, but not falling down drunk. She would not tell me where she had been or with whom. Today she said she was with a guy she met at the party she stayed over at recently and she ignored all the calls because she was on her way back. I was furious with her and spouted all this stuff about her drinking and how I feel it is going to kill her eventually. And can't she get help for her daughters sake. She just blanked me which is how she deals with difficult things. She is such a lovely person and a great mum, but I am starting to feel so negative after years of worry and feeling powerless to do anything. I beat myself up all the time about how I mist be the worst mu. To have a daughter who hates herself so much she can't socialise without getting out of it. My aunt, my mums sister, ( now dead ) was an alcoholic, a lovely warm person, but my mum and her didn't talk for years, in part because of her drinking. My dads dad and mums were alcoholics and his brother died after falling down drunk and hitting his head. His sister died after falling down the stairs drunk and breaking her neck. My mum in laws dad was an alcoholic and her other son, Cathy's uncle, has a drink problem. Even her dad has always been someone who won't stop till he is drunk. So when people try to reassure me it's a stage of her life to do with being young, I find it hard to be reassured. I feel the worry about her is affecting my mental health. She has found a p art time job now and will be moving out in a few months, but instead of feeling happy for her like I should, I just picture her coming back to an empty flat to choke on her own vomit. I don't really know what anyone on this forum can do to help, but it has been good to get it all out and share some of this inner torment. I try to put a strong face on to the world but the mask is slipping and I am feeling angrier and angrier with my daughter and then hating myself for feeling that way.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
I'm glad you are here, but sorry for the reason that brings you here. This is a wonderful resource of information and support. Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as often as needed. We are here to support you.
Some of our stories are in the permanent posts at the top of this main page. At the top of this main page is a section of approx 15 locked threads. They have a padlock symbol in the left column.
Those threads are called the Sticky Posts.
I am always finding strength from the posts in those threads.
Here is a link to one of my favorite threads:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I'm glad you are here, but sorry for the reason that brings you here. This is a wonderful resource of information and support. Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as often as needed. We are here to support you.
Some of our stories are in the permanent posts at the top of this main page. At the top of this main page is a section of approx 15 locked threads. They have a padlock symbol in the left column.
Those threads are called the Sticky Posts.
I am always finding strength from the posts in those threads.
Here is a link to one of my favorite threads:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
Posts: 468
(copied my response to your thread on alcoholism board)
I'm the mom of a 23 alcoholic son. He's almost six months sober at the present, but much of your story sounds the same.
The best thing you can do is educate yourself on addiction and alcoholism. You're probably figuring out that all of the helping and guidance that you've provided your daughter has not helped her. You are actually powerless over her alcoholism. We can not love them out of their alcoholism. In fact, the three major things you need to learn quickly are:
1. You can not control it
2. You did not cause it
3. You can not cure it
Your daughter will only stop drinking when she realizes that she is an alcoholic and decides she wants to do something about it.
Honestly, I'm more concerned for your grand daughter. Your daughter is not being a good mother and its very dangerous. Please do what you can do to get your grand daughter away from two alcoholic parents.
You will get lots of support on the friends and families board- there are quite a few of us parents over there learning how to deal with our children's addictions/alcoholism.
I'm the mom of a 23 alcoholic son. He's almost six months sober at the present, but much of your story sounds the same.
The best thing you can do is educate yourself on addiction and alcoholism. You're probably figuring out that all of the helping and guidance that you've provided your daughter has not helped her. You are actually powerless over her alcoholism. We can not love them out of their alcoholism. In fact, the three major things you need to learn quickly are:
1. You can not control it
2. You did not cause it
3. You can not cure it
Your daughter will only stop drinking when she realizes that she is an alcoholic and decides she wants to do something about it.
Honestly, I'm more concerned for your grand daughter. Your daughter is not being a good mother and its very dangerous. Please do what you can do to get your grand daughter away from two alcoholic parents.
You will get lots of support on the friends and families board- there are quite a few of us parents over there learning how to deal with our children's addictions/alcoholism.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 7
Thank you guys for your warmth and kind words of support. It was just what I needed. And pelican, thanks for the link. It really resonated with me, especially the bit about the things you neglect through the focus on the addict. For so long I have thought of taking up yoga, but I never get round to it. This week I will look up local classes and also I will seek out support groups for families of alcoholics. Thanks again. I will keep you posted. x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
Hi Rumbumtious,
That was such a heart breaking post. I could really feel your worry and pain.
I need to echo what Hopefulmom said and encourage you to try to get your granddaughter away from her parents. She does not sound safe with them. Could you take the little girl? Do you think your daughter would let you watch her on a more permanent basis until she can get her act together? Your daughter is going to have to hit bottom to get better. You don't want the child to be dragged down to bottom with her.
I don't understand why the GP told you guys your daughter wasn't an alcoholic but I guess that is really beside the point now.
Please work very hard on your own recovery. You will find a lot of support her so keep posting.
Hugs
That was such a heart breaking post. I could really feel your worry and pain.
I need to echo what Hopefulmom said and encourage you to try to get your granddaughter away from her parents. She does not sound safe with them. Could you take the little girl? Do you think your daughter would let you watch her on a more permanent basis until she can get her act together? Your daughter is going to have to hit bottom to get better. You don't want the child to be dragged down to bottom with her.
I don't understand why the GP told you guys your daughter wasn't an alcoholic but I guess that is really beside the point now.
Please work very hard on your own recovery. You will find a lot of support her so keep posting.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 199
Welcome, and please know that you're not alone. My 22 year old son is a recovering alcoholic and I know how scared and worried you are. Been there, done that. Unanswered texts and phone calls, missed appointments, reeking of alcohol, injuries, and a phone call from the hospital. It can be a real nightmare to deal with as a parent. I will say that the one thing I've learned through going to Al Anon meetings is that you can't control it as much as you want to. It's her demon to deal with. You can only work on keeping your own sanity and fending off the worry and anxiety. It's the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with as a parent, bar none. If you have Al Anon near you, please try to go to a meeting. And keep coming back on here. We know what you're going through. We know the fear and the pain.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, and welcome. Glad you're here.
I agree that your granddaughter is not in a safe situation. You say your daughter is a "great mum"--no, she is not. She is not CAPABLE of being a "great mum" at the moment. She is unreliable, passed out when her daughter needs her, and living with an abusive man.
I hope you will do something to protect your granddaughter. If all else fails, child protective services should be notified.
From your description of your daughter, I would say she is definitely an alcoholic. It will only get worse unless and until she is ready to accept her condition and get help.
In the meantime, I hope you will seek out Al-Anon for yourself. Yoga is great as a relaxation strategy, but it doesn't teach you how to deal with the effects of living with a loved one's alcoholism.
I agree that your granddaughter is not in a safe situation. You say your daughter is a "great mum"--no, she is not. She is not CAPABLE of being a "great mum" at the moment. She is unreliable, passed out when her daughter needs her, and living with an abusive man.
I hope you will do something to protect your granddaughter. If all else fails, child protective services should be notified.
From your description of your daughter, I would say she is definitely an alcoholic. It will only get worse unless and until she is ready to accept her condition and get help.
In the meantime, I hope you will seek out Al-Anon for yourself. Yoga is great as a relaxation strategy, but it doesn't teach you how to deal with the effects of living with a loved one's alcoholism.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 7
I would like to thank everybody for their responses. I also appreciate your concern about my granddaughter. I just want to clarify that my daughter left her partner and the father of her child three and a half months ago and has been living with me and my husband ever since. She has rarely gone out since living with us (maybe because of my reluctance to babysit), so when I say she is a good mum, I mean when she is sober, which is the majority of the time. But the incident on holiday really rattled me because it became clear she would try to mix parenting her child with a heavy nights drinking, albeit with the safety net of having her family around. From what I can gather, my daughters ex partners mum always had my grand daughter when they went out for the night. My daughter doesn't think she has a problem because she doesn't drink all the time and all her friends get drunk. But boy when she drinks does she drink, hence all the horrible dramas.
I really worry about the drinking escalating when she lives alone and I worry she is going to meet another drinker for a partner and how that will impact on my daughter and grand daughter. but the point of this post is to say day to day she is a good mum. I am with her every day and it warms my heart to watch her interact with her little girl. I just live in terror for the future and feel so powerless.
I really worry about the drinking escalating when she lives alone and I worry she is going to meet another drinker for a partner and how that will impact on my daughter and grand daughter. but the point of this post is to say day to day she is a good mum. I am with her every day and it warms my heart to watch her interact with her little girl. I just live in terror for the future and feel so powerless.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
The problem, of course, is that alcoholism is progressive. It won't always stay at the level it's at now.
I'm glad your granddaughter is under your roof, but living with your daughter's alcoholism is going continue to be one drama/crisis after another, as you have seen. At some point you may have to make some difficult decisions. All the more reason to fortify yourself with recovery tools.
I'm glad your granddaughter is under your roof, but living with your daughter's alcoholism is going continue to be one drama/crisis after another, as you have seen. At some point you may have to make some difficult decisions. All the more reason to fortify yourself with recovery tools.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
Judging my the drama your daughter's drinking creates I believe she may be a pretty far advanced alcoholic. Does she get withdrawal symptoms when she quits drinking? Daily drinking is not required to be a alcoholic. I once new a guy who would only drink around the date of his mothers death. He would not touch a drop the rest of the year. The problem was each year, like clockwork, the one day would turn into a 5 day bender and he would destroy things around him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 7
Hi justfor1, just to answer your question, I have never seen a sign of withdrawal symptoms. Here in the UK we would call her style of drinking, binge drinking. She can go weeks or even months without any alcohol, but if she starts she finds it hard to stop and chaos ensues. It's hard to not get angry and frustrated after several years of it because you can't help thinking just don't drink at all, but as I said before, binge drinking is so common among young people here in the UK she just thinks its normal, especially as she doesn't think it affects her little girl because she has arranged child care for her for the night. What she doesn't seem to get is if something bad happens to her through drink, it will have a devastating impact on her daughter forever. It is so frustrating and upsetting, but this forum has helped me so much already. So thank you guys for all your replies.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
Rumbumtious,
I lived in the UK for a while and know exactly what you mean about the drinking. The Brittish drink A LOT, and you're right, it's that binge style drinking where the intent is to get as wasted as absolutely possible.
I think drinking is just as out of hand in the US but maybe slightly less socially acceptable. Plus we tend to over dramatize and pathologize everything. (For example a hyper, out of control, kid in France needs more disclipline, while a hyper kid in the US has ADHD and is medicated.) When it comes to drinking though, I think we are right to label someone an alcoholic where the Brittish perhaps would not. Drinking just ruins too many lives, and alcoholism is a truly horrible disease.
I was surprised the GP told your daughter she wasn't an alcoholic because I feel like that kind of lets her off the hook for her behavior. My best friend here in the States got arrested for something insanely stupid she did while drunk. She was treated as an acoholic, went to AA for two years, and then realized she isn't actually an alcoholic. For the past ten years she has been able to drink a glass of wine here and there without any problems but still is veey careful because she has a lot of respect for how powerful the disease is. Anyway, she was definitely abusing alcohol but was treated as an alcoholic like everyone else in her group, and I think that is a good thing (as does she). It seems better to respond to the behavior of a drinker rather than their exact diagnosis.
Some of the things your daughter did while drinking were alarming, so I do think you need to work some kind of recovery program, if anything to learn how not to enable her, or contribute in any way to her drinking worsening. Plus, a recovery program will help you clearly see where your responsibility ends and hers begins.
I agree with Lexie that yoga can't teach you how to deal with the behavior of an alcoholic. If it could, I wouldn't be here. However, it does many things a recovery program doesn't (for me), like cures chemical depression, and heals wounds one might be carrying around in her body in the form of tension. Mainly, yoga gives me an inexplicable sense of deep, deep, gratitude that permeates every aspect of my life. I also feel more compassion for myself and for those who are struggling around me. When I don't practice enough, I can feel my resentments start to build. I get quick to judge and easily frustrated.
Anyway, I think it's great you want to try it. It has profoundly changed many lives, and maybe you are attracted to it for that reason. I am qualified to teach it (I don't, but went through a three year program to do so). If you want to talk more about it, PM me. I have lots to say, but don't want to overstep.
What I essentially wanted to tell you is that it IS possible to find peace when there is chaos around you.
Hugs!
I lived in the UK for a while and know exactly what you mean about the drinking. The Brittish drink A LOT, and you're right, it's that binge style drinking where the intent is to get as wasted as absolutely possible.
I think drinking is just as out of hand in the US but maybe slightly less socially acceptable. Plus we tend to over dramatize and pathologize everything. (For example a hyper, out of control, kid in France needs more disclipline, while a hyper kid in the US has ADHD and is medicated.) When it comes to drinking though, I think we are right to label someone an alcoholic where the Brittish perhaps would not. Drinking just ruins too many lives, and alcoholism is a truly horrible disease.
I was surprised the GP told your daughter she wasn't an alcoholic because I feel like that kind of lets her off the hook for her behavior. My best friend here in the States got arrested for something insanely stupid she did while drunk. She was treated as an acoholic, went to AA for two years, and then realized she isn't actually an alcoholic. For the past ten years she has been able to drink a glass of wine here and there without any problems but still is veey careful because she has a lot of respect for how powerful the disease is. Anyway, she was definitely abusing alcohol but was treated as an alcoholic like everyone else in her group, and I think that is a good thing (as does she). It seems better to respond to the behavior of a drinker rather than their exact diagnosis.
Some of the things your daughter did while drinking were alarming, so I do think you need to work some kind of recovery program, if anything to learn how not to enable her, or contribute in any way to her drinking worsening. Plus, a recovery program will help you clearly see where your responsibility ends and hers begins.
I agree with Lexie that yoga can't teach you how to deal with the behavior of an alcoholic. If it could, I wouldn't be here. However, it does many things a recovery program doesn't (for me), like cures chemical depression, and heals wounds one might be carrying around in her body in the form of tension. Mainly, yoga gives me an inexplicable sense of deep, deep, gratitude that permeates every aspect of my life. I also feel more compassion for myself and for those who are struggling around me. When I don't practice enough, I can feel my resentments start to build. I get quick to judge and easily frustrated.
Anyway, I think it's great you want to try it. It has profoundly changed many lives, and maybe you are attracted to it for that reason. I am qualified to teach it (I don't, but went through a three year program to do so). If you want to talk more about it, PM me. I have lots to say, but don't want to overstep.
What I essentially wanted to tell you is that it IS possible to find peace when there is chaos around you.
Hugs!
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