MetallicThorn

A statement was made,"There's something you aren't telling us some strange motive for your behavior in your posts.

In dire reflection of the idiosyncratic dichotomies that have morphed from archetypes of yore synthesized here I am unequivocally convinced you are wasting everyone's time."

This bothers me deeply. I joined this site in hopes to gain some awareness about alcoholism, in hopes of expressing my feelings and thoughts on my relationship and in hopes of broadening my consciousness to possible paths my relationship could go down. Yet at every turn I somehow seem to be apologizing for how I'm being perceived though my intentions were pure.

I have been open and honest throughout my brief time here. What I know for sure is that I have broadened my awareness of alcoholism, I have vented about my relationship and I have broadened my consciousness to possible paths my relationship could go down.

Now, I feel as though my time has run its course and though I'm not delighted to go, I feel that is the right thing in this case.

My greatest hope is for everyone hear to find their path, my greatest wish is that everyone here find awareness and my greatest blessing is that everyone here remember that empathy is revolutionary.

Thank you all for reaching out to a stranger. I have been both humbled and honored by each and every one of you.

DreamsofSerenity

Hi Metallic Thorn,

I hate to see you lose a support system if you need it, but agree that nothing positive seems to be coming from your posts. I find them mildly entertaining, but in a perverse way that makes me feel badly about myself.

Maybe you should just take a break from SR for a while. Take some time to try to really understand how the SR community has felt about your posts. And let your relationship with Hero progress. I would like to think if you need to come back here for real support down the line, we will be here for you.

I don't mean to be rude, just honest; you kind of seem stoned to me. Your posts don't make any sense at all, yet they seem to make perfect sense to you. And then you have that peaced-out attitude on top of it. My ex used to write me stuff like you write, baroque stuff devoid of any logic. I'd read it and think "WHAT the F is he even talking about???" It was the kind of communication that made me fantasize about talking to a tree instead of him. Anyway, that could be another reason you are triggering me.

I agree that therapy would be a good option for you. Also there are a lot of forums on line, about all sorts of things. So there are definitely other ways you could write and communicate online if it is something you enjoy.

Take Care

Tuffgirl

The best advice I got in my psychology program was to take what I was learning and apply it to myself before I ever ventured into working with others. "To thine own self be true".

Your perceptions on how you are being received here is an indicator of an area of reflection needed. It's not all that uncommon to have people post here who are already in the behavioral health field who try to counsel others, often from a position of book knowledge, not first-hand experience. It never works, similarly to counseling our addicted loved ones...that never works either.

You see - many folks here already have their PhD's in the School of Life, with minors in the School of Addictions. The collective wisdom here would be in the hundreds of years if we counted each individually. Maybe more.

You are getting some very good feedback. I hope someday you can revisit this and realize no one is openly trying to be hostile; just your style is a bit abrasive in its youth-fueled ignorance and flowery language.

If there is one thing that has served me well through my life its finding mentors that I learned from, with an open-mind and gratefulness for the opportunity. There are folks here who can serve that purpose. And I am sure many in your real life as well.

If you intend to practice someday in the field of psychology, learn now what works and what doesn't. You'll be a better practitioner for it.

Just my 2 cents. Take what works and leave the rest.
~T

Shellcrusher

My style doesn't always work with people here and I've been called out for it. It kinda sucked and I got quiet.
The greatest thing about this community is not what I can say or write but what I can hear or read from others.
If you are in fact going to leave the community, then I wish you the best and hope you find the outlet you're seeking.

TakingCharge999

MT

You are welcome to SR anytime you need. This is one of the things I like most about this particular place on the Internet. It was here when I hit rock bottom, when my suffering was so great, I had to be humble and be totally honest. It has been here many more times for me, I have been able to talk about alcoholism and many other situations that have bothered me or which confuse me. I have shared some great moments in my life, too. And it is still here for me, some years later.

There is no other forum who has so many wise, compassionate people, at least I have not found any other.

I recommend individual therapy as therapy has been my #1 source of sanity in my life. In fact, if you are planning to become a therapist, you have to take therapy yourself (at least that is how things are in my country). You could only benefit.

All the best.

Chickadees

Dear MT...

I wish you the best of luck on your journey. I hope you'll come back if need be.

I hope you'll take some time to reflect on the reactions to your posts here, especially if your plan is to pursue a career in counselling or other 'helping' professions.

Good Roads,
Chick

Recovering2

I also hope you give some real thought to the question you were asked by another poster..."what do you want out of life"? You answered it with a list of tasks to be accomplished. I have to say that struck my as very sad. Now, at 53, I am able to look back with some wisdom about what really matters in life so I see the question very differently than a younger person might. Nothing on your list spoke to any emotional/spiritual growth. A person can easily check off tasks on a list, and still find themselves unhappy and unfulfilled.

I would suggest you take the focus completely off your ABF, and start doing the hard work on yourself. The rewards will be much greater.

ShootingStar1

Metallic Thorne, I tried to send you a PM, but your mailbox is full. If you empty it and let me know, I'll try again.

ShootingStar1

Hammer

dunno, MT. Seems like some long-wind drama, but not that big of deal, either way.

Personally I am no longer too fond of drama, so have no part, but if that is your way of working through things, drama on. Who cares?

None of this is perfect or pretty. About like a duck landing on a frozen lake. Splat, spin and slide. Sometimes kind of funny sitting back and watching, but you know *we* ducks have to hurt doing this.

owathu

...in hopes of expressing my feelings and thoughts on my relationship and in hopes of broadening my consciousness to possible paths my relationship could go down.

What does this mean? That is the problem, I have no idea what you are expressing here. is english not your first language? If so, I get it, I am also a person who had to learn english as a child from a foreign country.

People sometimes make fun of my sentence structure. I call myself out by that many times. But, you cant put big words together and think that people will understand. Sometimes, putting things into simple words gets your point across easier. If you are not this, ok, but you are alienating people with your words.

Crazed

MT- many of your posts I understand. You are obviously a passionate writer, with a mastery of the English language, and your writings appear to be very romantic. But please note that this forum spans the world. Perhaps it is best to employ what I try in my job - K.I.S.S.- Keep it simple stupid!"

Focus on yourself, and what makes you happy. If you are happy with yourself, and content with Mr. Hero, than so be it.

BlueSkies1

Metallicthorn,

I have not gone back to read your posts, and don't remember a lot about them. I am not going to go back and read them to assess what is going on with what that person said to you--because it doesn't matter.
Why doesn't it matter?
Because you are here for yourself. Because you are your own person. Because those that would tell you that you are wasting "everyone's time" is not your higher power, nor mine, and not even their own higher power!

If there is any self-correcting to be done, you and only you are qualified to decide when and how.

I am fiercely independent. I won't cave in to agreement because of pressure, I won't cave in to agreement because that is the general consensus, I won't change my view to gain the approval of others. I am here for me. If I sometimes find that I vehemently disagree, or argue with someone, or even the group as a whole, so be it. I will not be bulldozed over by someone else's opinion, and neither should you. I have had a rift or two on this board. It is not surprising to me. I have never found a place, or person, in life, that I agreed with all the time. I doubt anyone else has either.

Don't ever be afraid to be yourself. Don't ever run away because of someone's criticism. Don't ever let others pressure you to be anyone but who you are. If we must fight for anything in life, it is the right to be ourselves. This is an excellent place to practice just that, especially because of the anonymity.

Whatever your story is, it is yours alone. Most people here have never met the person posting on this board, nor can they objectively assess the situation, partially because it is a one-sided story, and secondly because each of us carries our own biases. Don't forget that! It doesn't matter if the person criticizing you have 12 PhD's. I have seen those with PhD's spew such garbage out of their mouths I found it incredible.
Nobody here is more qualified to assess your situation than yourself.
Stand up for yourself. You have nothing to lose by doing so!

Kimmieh

Sometimes empathy is most revolutionary when you take a step back and direct it at yourself.

SecondMilitia

Thank you very much for this comment. I joined this forum to place my two cents in as well, but it seems that you're a very open-minded individual and far from judgmental and callously attacking a person simply because their view of the situation might be vastly different from yours. I appreciate the fact that there are people out there like this. I will admit, scrolling through the recent post and coming in contact with the excess drama among other things was a bit disheartening, but I do appreciate that you have stated so eloquently to stand up for what you believe in and it is very true; only that person can determine whether or not this is the right path for them. There's a fraction of me that is absolutely baffled that you did not receive more 'thank yous' or thumbs up for your response to this specific person's post.

It was interesting reading the post and I do appreciate this. I could only imagine how much of a strained this must have been towards you, MetallicThorn. Maybe you'll be able to find some source where you can have these open discussions without criticizing. Though some of the comments prior to mine were not direct towards me, I did not appreciate some of the comments. It came of accusative and condescending as if the way you expressed your situation was not good enough (though that is solely my opinion.) But, all I have to say about this and hopefully this is true across the board is keep an open mind and

LexieCat

Militia,

I'm not about to rehash anything previously posted by anyone. Suffice it to say that many of us had to learn some hard truths about alcoholism and our belief in the "uniqueness" of our situation. Often we had to hear, and see, repeatedly, the similarities we had with other people, in spite of surface differences in our situations, before we could benefit from the wisdom of others who had walked in our shoes.

This site also isn't a popularity contest. Getting, or not getting, a "thumbs up" or "thanks" does not necessarily reflect the value of the post. In addition, a post that is helpful to one person may not be to another.

Some of us bow out of certain threads because we think our continued participation is less than helpful to anyone. I did want to clarify, though, that this is an extremely supportive forum in spite of the fact that sometimes individuals react from a place of emotion. We're human--all of us. I have occasionally posted something I later regret, and when I do, I apologize. The same goes for the vast majority of the longtime post-ers. We also have some absolutely awesome moderators who keep things from getting out of hand.

Hope you will stick around and introduce yourself.

SecondMilitia

Lexie,

I appreciate your hasty response and I understand where you are coming from. I do agree to an extent of what was said and I have a handle of being human. At times I slip up and I have been guilty of being wrapped up in my own emotions and views towards a situation. Another thing I wanted to make note of was the fact that I was not trying to make that specific person's post popular or make it appear as if it were a popularity contest; by all means that was not my intention. In my opinion, I felt that the general mentality and tone should be across the board. Though we are flawed creatures, we are still held accountable for our actions and since it is a supportive forum for every person of all walks of life we should all (that goes double for myself) should at the very least attempt to be unbiased. Eventually, I will post up my own experiences and how I have dealt with a loved one's addiction, but so far I do not believe it has clouded my judgment and has not affected my ability to see that there might be more to the story. Besides that, I just hope that when my post is up and ready that there will be no 'flamers' at all, for I will not acknowledge or respond to them.

LexieCat

There are very few "flames" on this board, and those few that flare up are quickly doused by the mods. There is, occasionally, frustration or serious disagreement. Those are generally expressed in a respectful way.

And you are right, ignoring such posts is the way to go.