What happened to our sex life

Old 06-25-2013, 08:27 PM
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What happened to our sex life

My husband has been in recovery for almost 2 years. There have been a couple of bumps. He fell of the wagon twice but was able to jump back on after a week or so and another time after a few days at detox. I attend Alanon every so often but not as much as I should. We have been married for 25 years. When we got back from rehab 2 years ago our sex life disappeared. I didn't want to push it as I was more concerned about him working on his recovery. But two years later I can count on one hand how many times we have had sex. It used to be fairly healthy but now I wonder how much the alcohol played into it. When I bring it up he says, "next weekend, I promise". I would like to see a counselor and he said he would go but hiswork hours are crazy. Help?
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Old 06-26-2013, 06:44 AM
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Winnie, if he doesn't want to see a counselor with you, go yourself. Remember your Alanon teachings about taking care of YOUR side of the street, about working on YOU? Obviously it takes 2 to make sex work out, but you can't change, control or cure this problem for him any more than you could the alcoholism.

You are likely right, he may not have any idea about sober sex--but again, he needs to want to address it also. All you can do is get yourself informed and see where you go from there.

Also, I would make sure to choose a counselor who has a lot of experience w/alcoholism and/or addictions in general, not just a regular marriage counselor.
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Old 06-26-2013, 07:09 AM
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Dear winnie1202, my suggestion, that you might want to consider, would be to suggest to him to have an appointment with a MALE urologist, first. Urologists are very versed in these issues and can give him a medical work-up at the same time as counseling him regarding this. Sometimes, men are terrified of performance failure (fear of fear) and that, in itself can be a cause for reluctance to engage. Men are more willing to be open and transparent with another male who they know will be very objective and not judgemental.

Reassurance alone from a urologist might be enough to instill confidence.

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