CentralOhioDad

So, you read the title of the post and thought - the the h*ll is he ranting about?

Well, because she just couldn't do the housework and realize it's just part of owning a home, I've had to hear about it all weekend - how hard she worked, how tired she is, how sore she is, etc. Yes, she spent a good amount of time cleaning on Saturday. So, why do I have to hear about it since then?

After the birth of our son 3 years ago, she had many complications. I took care of her, took care of a newborn, took care of the house, and did all the yardwork and maintenance. Did I blow my horn about it? No, just did what needed to be done. A year later, she gets hurt at work and is in a cast and boot most of the Summer. Again, I took care of everything, and she just sat around and drank everynight and felt sorry for herself.

Now, she spends 4-5 hours cleaning on a Saturday and expects the world to bow down and kiss her feet? I've worked many a full day and then came home and did all that, and I'm older than she is and have had numerous back surgeries. If I say someting like, "I'm tired", she tells me to stop complaining, and that I'm just old.

The egos that As have - amazing. Maybe that's why I just do stuff around the house that she can do for herself - I don't need to hear the martyr act come out everytime she does something.

Thanks for letting me rant.

C-OH Dad

Florence

But the most important question. Did you use that time to fart?

DreamsofSerenity

I know how irritating that is! I lived with a man who used to say "I took out the garbage for you." Seriously dude? It's half your effing garbage too.

Even though it's annoying to hear her complain about the work, I say still make her do it and try to tune the whining out. It's good for her to participate in the upkeep of her home.

CentralOhioDad

:rotfxko

Yes!!! Son and I were out playing in the sprinkler, so I had all sorts of opportunities!! I just told him it was the squishy grass!

Thanks for this!!!

Tuffgirl

TIM, Florence. TMI!!!

Yes, the Queen Baby syndrome in action. I hope you've learned by now to reduce it to background noise, like Charlie Brown's teacher from the old Peanuts shows.

grizz

Rant away my friend. Just say thanks once, if she continues, look her in the eyes and say I already said thanks. If she continues say "what ever" and walk away.

Florence

When we were still living together, my STBXAH basically gave himself a list of like five household chores he would do, and I was a jerk for asking him to do more or other things that weren't on this internal, ever-changing list with a secret timeline.

He used to get mad at me that I didn't "appreciate" "all that he did around the house." Eventually I started telling him that he wasn't going to get congratulations for doing regular grown adult stuff. If he wanted a cookie for his effort, he was perfectly capable of reaching the proverbial cookie jar.

lillamy

Different but similar - AXH told my lawyer he wanted us to get back together because he had been sober for 60 days and abided by the restraining order and not contacted me. My response was "you don't get rewards because you've managed to behave like a civilized human being for 60 days."

In a normal relationship, it's bloody obvious that you share the workload.

Peacegirl

Wow, this SO hits home with me. I've done the majority of all housework in my home for 15 years. RAH is just now making an appearance here and there because I'm just not letting him off the hook any longer. For years I'd just do it all because I didn't want to hear him complain. And I do mean complain, the entire time he was doing the work he'd be cussing and throwing things around. I may have been worn out but at least I had some peace. Good news is since he's been sober he's slowly starting to realize (sometimes) that he's acting like a King Baby!! Of course I don't use that term with him.....

FireSprite

RAH has gotten better but this is STILL an ongoing issue in our house. I don't understand - how do they THINK this stuff gets done???? I thought that once he got sober he'd "see" these chores more clearly & realize I needed help.

He'll help all right - as long as I TELL him to, he'll do whatever I ask.... Really dude? How is it that you don't know that a filled garbage can must be emptied? That if you use a dish, it needs to be cleaned?

When he does help, I never hear the end of it. He can't stop praising himself for doing the bare minimum....hmmmmm.... maybe I need to read up on the King Baby reference......

OK, scratch that. Now that I think about it I haven't heard any of his over-the-top bragging lately. Probably because the last time he went on & on like that I was feeling a *bit* hormonal & told him that I didn't have the time to continually applaud him & pat him on the back for doing the basic chores the rest of us do without applause ... that it would take less time to pick up a bag of those cheesy gold medals at the Dollar Store & just dole one out every time he's managed to help out with a basic chore. That way he could look at his shiny award & I could save myself the energy & aggravation of giving him verbal pats on the back.

Too much? :rotfxko

wanttobehealthy

There's something I read in the Big Book about how alcoholics are the only people who expect credit for doing what the rest of us just know is part of daily life.

I can appreciate how irritating your wifes behavior is.

4MyBoys

OMG, this is so annoying! I remember these days well....

I don't know what it is about an A's ego that requires this kind of positive reenforcement from their spouse or partner. Isn't it so tiring? It used to make me not want to say, "Good Job" even when it was actually deserved.

I am sitting here grossed out remembering this point in my relationship. It is like being married to a teenager. They sleep too much, party and are insecure and need positive reassurances constantly.

Maybe you can make her a chart to hang on the fridge and put a gold star next the chores she does.....?

4MyBoys

dandylion

Dear C-O-H, I think I hear a lot of quacking!!

Do you hear it........?

dandylion

ShootingStar1

Dandylion, WHERE did you find those ducks? Just perfect!

COD, I hear you.

ShootingStar1

DG0409

I feel so much less alone now, although not that much less frustrated. Bf is the same way. He made sure to explain to me what he got done today, in case I couldn't see. Chores I do go without any sort of acknowledgment. It does feel like having a child sometimes... only a child I would expect to have to tell to do the chores and then offer praise.

dandylion

ShootingStar, go to the quick reply box and click on "Go Advanced". Then look for the phrase "Smilies (MORE)", and click on that. Scroll down til you find the duck (you can click on him 5 times).

Isn't he perfect for this forum??

dandylion