An accidental trip to Wonderland and OZ
Empathy is Revolutionary.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 34
Misunderstanding
I just wanted to clear up a misunderstanding.
Yes, I did create a uniform "thank you" response. I thought it would be a great way to express my gratitude towards all those who responded to my posts. Despite, being an innate writer, it would be rather difficult for me to write every person a unique "Thank you" every time they responded.
I never knew being proper and appropriate would cause such a ruckus. I hope this has help shed some light on the situation.
Yes, I did create a uniform "thank you" response. I thought it would be a great way to express my gratitude towards all those who responded to my posts. Despite, being an innate writer, it would be rather difficult for me to write every person a unique "Thank you" every time they responded.
I never knew being proper and appropriate would cause such a ruckus. I hope this has help shed some light on the situation.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Hi Metallic Thorn,
I have been on this forum for years and as I told you in my earlier post in many ways I mirrored your thoughts... I fully believed that I could "love" my XA out of addiction and I was so head over heals for the "person" and his tremendous "potential" that no one... no one on the planet could convince me any differently.
Like you I was a psychology minor in college and I could justify and argue my positions and beliefs quite effectively. Like you I thought some of the posters on this site were bitter and sometimes downright mean... sadly, I thought my relationship, my A, my abilities, my unconditional love were "different" and I would have the happy ending they never had.
My Ego trip was just that. I thought my God has destined me and me alone to be my A's savior! My obsession was bordering on a Messiah complex... compared to my insanity you are a lightweight! I now know that I simply do not have that power and if God wanted my A to have a divine intervention he had billions of others he could use (including angels) other than me. But back in the day "I" was the only one with enough love and our love was soooooooo strong and special that I KNEW I could prevail and beat his addiction.
Fast forward 5 years and all I can say is they were RIGHT and I was WRONG. I was not brilliant enough (although I could think circles around my A especially when he was drunk), I was not strong enough (even though I put him in cuffs and in the back of my police car complete with cage and forced him to rehab more than once), I forced him to sobriety, manipulated him to sobriety many, many times and for months at a time he would be a shining star of recovery.
But... forcing, begging, manipulating and even "loving" an alcoholic dry does not produce "recovery" and what I mean by recovery is an emotionally and physically healthy human being that has the desire and ability to be a good partner to me and a positive and productive human being to his family and community.
That dream takes incredibly hard, hard work to attain by NOT YOU OR I but by the A himself and most... repeat the vast majority have ZERO... repeat ZERO interest in that goal or desire. However, they will talk a good game (we call it quacking) and try to keep you or I on the string by quacking what we want to hear to keep their enabler "believing".
You won't get a single "quack" on this site. Every post you received was given to you with NOTHING expected back. None of us have any skin in the game except our empathy for not your A but for YOU. Yes, my fellow posters gave it to you without a lot of sugar on top because quite honestly your posts triggered them (yes, we all still have a lot of emotional issues relating to our own lost, broken or current relationships with our own A's).
But... trust me... everyone of them cares about you and wish you the best. Your decisions are yours alone but I am asking you that as time goes on... come back and share your story with us.
As for questions I do have a couple. Do you mind sharing your family or origin story and his? How you met? What initially attracted you to him and him to you? He is completely self supporting and fully functional in society and the work place?
As you know we are all hard wired from childhood and your strong feelings and deep empathy for the broken may have come from early on. Mine did and I spent many years working in the criminal justice system helping the addicted, the poor, the marginalized and I still do. Now I just keep it healthy!!
Do stick around... remember eat the hay and spit out the straw... but some future day the straw may look more tasty! It did for me!
I have been on this forum for years and as I told you in my earlier post in many ways I mirrored your thoughts... I fully believed that I could "love" my XA out of addiction and I was so head over heals for the "person" and his tremendous "potential" that no one... no one on the planet could convince me any differently.
Like you I was a psychology minor in college and I could justify and argue my positions and beliefs quite effectively. Like you I thought some of the posters on this site were bitter and sometimes downright mean... sadly, I thought my relationship, my A, my abilities, my unconditional love were "different" and I would have the happy ending they never had.
My Ego trip was just that. I thought my God has destined me and me alone to be my A's savior! My obsession was bordering on a Messiah complex... compared to my insanity you are a lightweight! I now know that I simply do not have that power and if God wanted my A to have a divine intervention he had billions of others he could use (including angels) other than me. But back in the day "I" was the only one with enough love and our love was soooooooo strong and special that I KNEW I could prevail and beat his addiction.
Fast forward 5 years and all I can say is they were RIGHT and I was WRONG. I was not brilliant enough (although I could think circles around my A especially when he was drunk), I was not strong enough (even though I put him in cuffs and in the back of my police car complete with cage and forced him to rehab more than once), I forced him to sobriety, manipulated him to sobriety many, many times and for months at a time he would be a shining star of recovery.
But... forcing, begging, manipulating and even "loving" an alcoholic dry does not produce "recovery" and what I mean by recovery is an emotionally and physically healthy human being that has the desire and ability to be a good partner to me and a positive and productive human being to his family and community.
That dream takes incredibly hard, hard work to attain by NOT YOU OR I but by the A himself and most... repeat the vast majority have ZERO... repeat ZERO interest in that goal or desire. However, they will talk a good game (we call it quacking) and try to keep you or I on the string by quacking what we want to hear to keep their enabler "believing".
You won't get a single "quack" on this site. Every post you received was given to you with NOTHING expected back. None of us have any skin in the game except our empathy for not your A but for YOU. Yes, my fellow posters gave it to you without a lot of sugar on top because quite honestly your posts triggered them (yes, we all still have a lot of emotional issues relating to our own lost, broken or current relationships with our own A's).
But... trust me... everyone of them cares about you and wish you the best. Your decisions are yours alone but I am asking you that as time goes on... come back and share your story with us.
As for questions I do have a couple. Do you mind sharing your family or origin story and his? How you met? What initially attracted you to him and him to you? He is completely self supporting and fully functional in society and the work place?
As you know we are all hard wired from childhood and your strong feelings and deep empathy for the broken may have come from early on. Mine did and I spent many years working in the criminal justice system helping the addicted, the poor, the marginalized and I still do. Now I just keep it healthy!!
Do stick around... remember eat the hay and spit out the straw... but some future day the straw may look more tasty! It did for me!
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