Serenity8

My mom is in the hospital and very high-functioning ABF offered to watch my kids so I could go visit her.

And he didn't show up to watch them. Thank GOD I never told my kids he was coming, or told my mom I was going to hospital. It was going to be at night and after work for me and for him, so I just figured I would get my kids settled for bed and then go.

He didn't call me until 10 PM from an hour+ away from me. This has happened SO MANY TIMES over the course of our relationship, too many to count. But this? This is the LAST STRAW. He wants to be my partner and tells me he will help me with my kids. I point out that because of his alcoholism he is inconsistent and he can't see it, he doesn't see it. He admits that he causes his own problems but is a horrible judge of how inconsistent he can be. He teeters between normal and dysfunctional, which is hard, it would be easier if he was a mess but he's not. Not yet, anyway.

But he always pulls me back after I tell him I'm done. I see him in person and I look in his eyes and I melt. So this time, I've blocked his number from my cell and home phone and told him if he comes to my house I will be calling the police and getting a restraining order.

I had to turn off iMessages on my iPhone because they can still get through from him. Will eventually have to turn those back on because that is how I communicate with my kids when they are at their dads.

But I need to be strong and keep my word to myself. I need to stay no contact.

sarah9160

I am going through a similar situation and am also at the point where I need to be strong and move on. It's hard to believe things will be better when it's such a merry go round of emotions.
Be strong. Your children need you to be strong.

AnvilheadII

it would be easier if he was a mess but he's not. Not yet, anyway.

he's enough of a MESS to leave YOU high and dry. to fail to fulfill a commitment, knowing that your mother was in the hospital and you needed to see her.

drunks don't make good partners, and they aren't really suitable babysitters. since he has failed you on both, good for you in going NO CONTACT.

ZenMe

That's exactly what has happened to me with past breakups with AGF. I break up with her and then I see her again and melt, or last time we tried to break up at her place and well...melted hard if you know what I mean.

In my case have to do it in a public place with no locks on the bathroom doors...

Good job on being strong!

NYCDoglvr

It's a good idea to ask yourself why you've continued to stay in a destructive relationship, which is the real issue. I certainly had to change my thinking after a disastrous relationship, took a lot of work but it is so much better than the obsessing. Alanon -- I highly recommend it.

Serenity8

Been going to al-anon for almost 7 years. Haven't been able to attend meetings regularly the last 3 because of childcare issues, but yes, yes, I know this.

He showed up at my house yesterday, begged me to unblock everything. I was strong!! Told him I would need to see a 30 day chip before I'd even consider it.

I deserve better! My children deserve better!! If he was able to fix it on his own, he would have done it already.