Pacificbrz

Well I was following many of you guys advice and have not had any contact with abf. All I knew was rehab was going well and they were deciding on some options for longer term treatment to get him back on track. Well he contacted me this evening. he is going to follow up with a longer term treatment plan because what he's used before is not working. I thanked him for letting me know, I was proud of him for getting the help he needs and I will keep him in my thoughts and prayers. It was ok and nice to know he's safe and has a plan. I have no idea about the future and right now I'm not worried about it.

I am sad. I was very naive and did not realize how destructive addiction is to the addict and everyone around them. To be honest it almost feels like I'm in mourning. I'm really just trying to focus on the now but just have a lot of mixed up emotions. I want to go to an alanon meeting but I'm nervous. What's is it like? Is it ok for me to go to one? I don't think I have a tragic story, wasn't abused or mistreated in any way. We never lived together... I guess I would feel like people may not think I should be there but I'm not sure. Would I be better off to go to counseling?!? I'm just not sure what I need or what direction to go in but maybe that's just the shock and loss I feel talking.

Springs

I was very nervous to go to my first al anon meeting but it was very helpful even though I didn't say much. I have found it to be a very open and comfortable environment and you don't have to say anything if you don't want to.

LexieCat

Ditto. In fact, telling horrible stories about your relationship is actively DISCOURAGED in Al-Anon (though people are pretty understanding with newcomers--those are the folks most likely to have the sad stories and to cry). It's all about the solution, not the problem. The problem is acknowledged, but the focus is on US--what WE can do to make OUR lives better. We are taught to focus on ourselves, and not the alcoholic and his/her problems.

The best meetings involve sharing about how the Steps can make our lives better, and have some laughter and hugs mixed in as well.

I found Al-Anon to be an absolute lifeline and sanity-saver when I was feeling desperate and confused after my second husband returned to drinking shortly after our marriage.

I STRONGLY recommend that you give it a try--at least six meetings, and maybe different groups. Each one has a little bit different "flavor".

Recovering2

The hardest thing about Alanon is walking through the door of that very first meeting. Once you're there, you will quickly realize you are among friends. The people in that room "get it". While our stories may differ, they are somehow all the same. They get you being sad. It's the one place you can be truly honest, and there is no judgement/advice/criticism. You can also choose to just listen. Every meeting I seem to walk away with at least one pearl from a share.

Find a meeting, and go. You'll be glad you did.