wicked

It reminded me when my cousin used to load all of us into her AMC and ride around the neighborhood, looking, looking, looking for the boyfriend.
He did not have a car, so eventually he showed up at the same corner every effing night!

I mean, what was the point (I went along to smoke weed, I was a teenager ), but my cousin and her friends would get all worked up over something they KNEW would happen.

Like this woman knew her husband would answer an ad about no commitment, let's smoke weed. I am surprised that anyone is surprised.

Like that movie "Jaws", I think they are gonna need a bigger boat!
or bong.
That is a lot of smokin to do.

Beth

And, no I do not cheat. Never have and with some restraint and my HP I never will.
Oh, I have been cheated on, and lied to plenty, but I could not brush that stroke on every male on the planet.

I read something today on Oprah and I have to paraphrase because I can't find it.

You have to drop the baggage from your past because it keeps you from having an open heart and hands for your future. It was something along those lines, but put much more poetically.

If your are going trolling for pot smoking cheaters, well, that woman certainly got a catch! Too bad they aren't worth much on the market! LOL Not here anyway.

Hammer

Still not getting it? Folks that start from the AA room side tend to view the world in how they FEEL about things. Just like you are saying. If one FEELS unhappy that is reason enough.

It is a Feeling / Emotion based world.

-----------------------

Alanon room side tends to run by different internal rules. Thinking, Rules, Order from Disorder.

There MUST be a Why, a How, and for something like dumping/divorce -- often some specific set of offenses. Typically *just* the alcohol, drugs, etc., are viewed as a simple sickness. "Sickness and in Health" part of the vows has that blocked.

In a Rule Based world, you understand?

Cheating on the other hand is a Death Sentence offense. Probably why she is looking for it.

===============

You follow I am not saying either is right or wrong, but they are very different animals. Your (and/or My) View of the World does not fit everyone else.

LexieCat

Excuse me, but I was in two alcoholic marriages before I wound up qualifying for AA.

Kindly do not put me in a box based on my being an alcoholic.

And, FWIW, I would characterize the dichotomy differently. I believe the action of a spouse investigating another spouse is an action based upon emotion rather than reason.

So I guess we will agree to disagree. But please don't tell me how I think, or dismiss my opinion in this discussion based upon the fact that I am also an alcoholic. I earned my Al-Anon stripes as painfully as anyone else here.

Aeryn

I was talking about this with my therapist today - it really sucks that people "stay married" to people they don't even like anymore (not talking about cheating at all here). Staying married for the sake of not getting divorced is not a noble trait in my book (and I mean no offense by that) but that nobleness sure can take away the happiness of all involved (both spouses and the kids). I mean no wonder the world is full of so many unhappy people - just imagine if life's value wasn't based on "how long a marriage lasts" and instead on "how happy a PERSON'S life is".

Sorry for the bit of OT there.

BTW guys - unless I'm way off base in my interpretation of the original post, Summer was venting...so she was expressing feelings. In my experience (with me and my female friends) when women express feelings we're not looking for solutions or fallacies in the feelings but instead for empathy....so a simple "it sucks you feel that way and you've had such crap luck with men" would be a great response for me if I had written the original post.

LexieCat

You're right, Areyn, apologies to all. Knee-jerk reaction.

Gonna take a breather here.

wicked

I could have just expressed my idea in a better way here.
I am sorry that this is what the world has come to, one ad about smoking and no commitment and all those replies.
I am still not surprised, just saddened, and sorry for anyone who gets cheated on, it sucks big time.

Especially when I was expecting the same loyalty I was giving.
I thought it was a given and nothing to worry about because I would never do it.

I was taken on "dates" when my father was seeing other women.
My first ex married the woman he was cheating on me with less than two weeks after our divorce was final and he took (or I gave up) our son.
My second ex had that same son (from my first marriage) with him and used him to pick up other women.

I do not understand what being an ACoA, Alcoholic or Al Anon has to do with the feelings of a crushed and broken heart.
It all sucks, from any perspective in my view.

wow. Wish I had left that one alone.
I think I need a break.

I am sorry summerpeach, you and your friend deserve much better.
I hope you and she find it.

Beth

Tuffgirl

The statistics for cheating woman are creeping up close to cheating men. It isn't gender-specific anymore.

And yes, the world is full of people who value monogamy. Cheaters just get the limelight because its sensational and dramatic, kind of like Lindsay Lohan.

AnvilheadII

i wanna chime back in, as someone who has been cheated on AND who has done the cheating.

both s*ck, NO pun intended.

it's awful when you know, long before you acknowledge what you know, that there is someone else in their lives. they've pulled away, detached.

and it's awful when you find yourself WITH someone else, it's like the brakes failed, you tried to STOP. but it was so exciting, the exhilarating rush of doing something WRONG and getting away with it.

we tell ourselves a lot of things to keep making the unacceptable acceptable. we can know our marriage/relationship is doomed, done, dead and talk ourselves into staying, just to not the rock the boat any farther.

we end up in bed with someone that is NOT our partner, and tell ourselves, just this once, i already know it's a mistake, and mistakes are forgiveable acts. but i am NOT so guilty i won't continue!

unhappy people do unhappy things.

dandylion

This debating back and forth with each other is great fun--until someone puts out an eye.

dandylion

DesertEyes

Enough, people. The purpose of posting is to provide personal experience, strength and hope such that people in pain can feel they are received with kindness and compassion. How many of the posts in this thread help the original poster? How many posts are just peeps getting in each other's face?

This thread is closed.

Mike
Moderator, SR