CeilingFan1

My father has been drinking all of his life and it really affects my family when he isn't sober because he makes very rash decisions and becomes very angry although not angry.
Last year he went to a party with my mom and got drunk and got really pissed off because my mom didn't let him drive. When they got home they got in a huge fight and my mom got scared he was going to hit her so she went to my aunts house, this in turn made my father very angry and started saying she didn't love her anymore and then got a gun out and tried to kill himself, my sister saw this and ran and got the gun and put it in a room, locked it, and called the police.
They came to the house and said they had no charges to arrest him and couldn't do anything with the guns unless he threatened or hurt somebody. Everyone in my family left cause they were scared of him, I stood there and talked to him about it and told him not to do it, and told my mom and the family to come back home because he was alright.
A few days passed and life was normal, when all of a sudden he starts coming home with his bloodshot eyes and drunken slur, and he finds me skipping school. He then takes me to work with him and starts going off road and falling asleep so I wake him up constantly. We instead just go home and he sleeps, but he wakes up all pissed off saying he wants my mom home now, and she is too scared to come home and he justs gets more pissed.
I ran to a friends house cause I couldn't stand seeing my father, my mom got someone to pick me up and we went to a hotel he couldn't find us. We called my uncle and some family to go talk to him and see if they could calm him down, they couldn't. So they called the police and they got him for DUI and he spent the night in jail.
He sobered up and we talked to him and got a counselor to help him and talk about our feelings and what not. He stopped drinking for about a year but he recently started doing it again and I'm really scared things are going to go back to how they were because its becoming how it started, my mom not coming home to deal with him cause he is drunk, and him getting mad cause she's not home.

I really need the stability in my life I can't live like this knowing my dad is always drunk, and what worries me the most is he could get so drunk he could hurt someone or contemplate suicide again, and I can't have,my mom living here like a hostage . I'm an 18 year old male and I saw him drunk and I couldn't help but cry because of how much fear I felt of things going back the way they were, I talked to him and told him to quit and he said he would but I just saw him with a 6 pack and he tried to hide it from me.
Please I really need someone to talk I'm desperate and need advice on how to help him stop.

We already tried talking to him sober and telling him how we feel, I think me and my family are going to take all the weapons and car keys from the house so he doesn't make any rash and dangerous decisions like threaten suicide with a gun or drive on the road drunk . We are going to leave the house until he accepts he needs help and that he can't have us back until he gets help and is sober.

PippiLngstockng

Hi Ceiling Fan. Welcome to this place .

I am sure one of the more experienced folks here will say all the right stuff soon. But in the meantime, I read your post, and I am sorry because it sounds like things at your place are pretty crazy. And the adults are not taking responsibility for their lives in any way that could be reassuring.

My son is 16 and he saw some crazy stuff happen for a while in our family life. I wish he would get on here. But since I started going to Al Anon and then got a restraining order to keep my alcoholic husband (his dad) out of our house, my son seems to feel that I have things under relative control. So he is focusing on his studies.

Can you find an Al Anon or Alateen meeting? It is really great to find people who get it. Also, is there any place else you could live at some point, because your living situation isn't exactly allowing you to focus on your life. And you are just getting started for heavens sake, and you don't deserve this.

LexieCat

Hi there, I only have a second because I need to run off to a meeting, myself, but I wanted to give you props for reaching out for help, here. Your home life is a mess right now, no doubt about it. It sucks, but it is what it is and there isn't anything you can do to make your dad change.

There's quite a bit you can do for YOU, though. Alateen or Al-Anon are both great programs. You are really old enough for regular Al-Anon meetings, though being with younger kids might be good, too. Please call or look up meetings online in your area. Are you still in school, or is it out for the summer? A school counselor is another good resource.

Stick around here, too--there is a lot of experience, strength and hope to go around. You and your mom and anyone else in the family need to consider your own health, safety, and well-being first. Alcoholics need to come to their own decisions to quit drinking. There's help for your dad, too, but he has to want it for himself.

Tamerua

Hi ceiling fan. I wish I had some words of wisdom. Are you going to Alanon or Alateen? Those might be a good idea for you. You would learn about the three C's; didn't cause it, can't cure it, can't control it. Maybe you and your mother can go together so you all can learn to take are of each other? Good luck and please keep coming here and posting.

ShootingStar1

Oh boy, Ceiling Fan, this is way too much for you to have to handle. Here on SoberRecovery, the watch word about family members who are alcoholics is the 3 "C's":

You didn't cause it
You can't control it and
You can't cure it

Beyond that, at 18, you are entitled to begin your own life with freedom and peace.

You mention calling an uncle when your Dad was unreasonable and drunk a while ago. Is this someone you could go live with for a while? Are you in high school, or graduating? Maybe if you share a bit about your life, someone here can think of more resources for you.

One thing you can do is go to a favorite teacher or guidance counselor if you are in high school. They can help you find support and resources.

Keep coming back, we'll all be here for you as long as you need it.

ShootingStar1

CeilingFan1

Thanks for all the advice guys it is all very helpful and welcome, and for that I am grateful.

Also for those wondering I'm 18, out of school, and entering college in the fall.
My mental health is fine other than worry and fear, physically I have slept very little and very late because I see if he goes to work, and see if he comes back drunk.
My mother is always looking out for me and my siblings, but seems to act as if my father doesn't exist unless he is in one of his drunken rages.

Like I put in the post everything was normal for about a year until probably early this week he seemed to start drinking a little at first and a lot later (when I saw him drunk and he denied it). Today he came back to from work drunk or still hungover from the last time I'm not sure but when he got home he didn't drink at all. I mean if he stays sober for a day or so it will give me the opportunity to talk to him about his problem and tell him to seek help, but if he is drunk again I will tell my mother to help me confront him about getting help, and if he refuses we will not return home until he does.
I wish to solve this problem before it gets long enough to escalate to how it did before which ended up with him threatening suicide, getting a DUI and jail for a month and required AA meetings.

Tamerua

That is a lot going on ceiling fan. Please take good care if yourself, make sure you do go to college and work on yourself.

LexieCat

We ALL wish to solve the problem before it escalates further. Unfortunately, it is not within any person's power to "solve" someone else's alcoholism. You can certainly talk to your dad about how you feel, you can set down healthy boundaries for what you are willing to live with, but neither your, your mom, nor anyone else can "solve" the problem unless and until he is willing to confront the problem and deal with it effectively. Recovery from alcoholism starts with a decision to quit, but it is much, much more than that.

I am an alcoholic with almost five years' sobriety. My first husband has been sober 33 years now (he got sober when he was 21, a year before we got married). So it IS possible to recover. OTOH, my second husband almost died from drinking, and when he recovered a bit, he went right back to it. So far as I know he is still drinking himself to death. Some people never get there, for others it takes quite a bit of suffering and misery to get to the point where they are ready to surrender and give up the delusion that they have the problem under control.

I don't mean to be pessimistic, but right now it sounds as if your dad is pretty deep into his addiction. Has he ever been to AA? That sometimes helps when nothing else does. There may be some hope in the fact that he apparently quit drinking for a while, so maybe he will eventually be ready to give it another shot, this time doing something more effective that can bring about a full recovery from alcoholism.

In the meantime, you and your mom need to do what's best for you.

drunkyjules

I'm sorry for what you are going through ceilingfan. That sounds like a horrible mess to have to be in but you seem to have a good head on you shoulders.

I'm going to say a prayer for you and your family. I hope your dad can see the light and sober up.

CarryOn

Welcome Ceiling Fan. I'm sorry for the reason you are here, but glad you found this resource.

You have received some great suggestions here. I would add that educating yourself about alcoholism and its effects on the family, especially children of alcoholics may be very helpful to you. There are lots of good threads here, especially the stickies at the top of the first forum page and I think you will see why I suggest educating yourself. The effects of alcoholism on the family are many, and can impact your life for years to come. Education & use of the available resources, including Alateen and Al-Anon can help, you, your mother and any other family members affected.

Your maturity shows in reaching out for help. I wish you all the best, especially with your forthcoming college education. It is such a wonderful period in life and I hope you are able to make the most of it.