Partner relapsed after we were told I am going to miscarry
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: United Kingdom
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Rightly or wrongly what keeps going through my head is I just want to get pregnant again and have a baby. I was so happy. Just want to feel like that again.
I'll 100% keep an eye on it. At the moment it's just not progressing. Don't know how long it will take. Just signs of something when I wipe. Nothing major yet.
I'll 100% keep an eye on it. At the moment it's just not progressing. Don't know how long it will take. Just signs of something when I wipe. Nothing major yet.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
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Today though I'm laying under my blanket on the sofa, reading people's posts and my cat is allowing me to play with his feet which he usually hates. So let him have his bloody BBQ! Lol!
Okay, stay under your blanket and read posts.
Do you have a cuppa near by? (I learned about this watching BBC
)A cuppa is great for everything that ails you, (no caffeine of course, mostly milk?).
That stiff upper lip thing isn't gonna work here lady!
I will be glad to post to you today.
I have to go get my own supply of protein and caffeine, eggs, toast and coffee.
If he has the energy for a bbq, could he bring you a drink or something to eat?
What did the doctor say to do?
Caring and trying to fix across the pond,
Beth
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Lol yes I've had about a million cuppas today!
Dr just said to go back to hospital on the 17th June for 2nd scan. If nothing has progressed by then they will go through the options.
He will do me something to eat/drink etc. He finds it hard to sit still generally so any excuse to get up and do something will suit him fine at the moment. When he's upset all my dishes get washed.
Dr just said to go back to hospital on the 17th June for 2nd scan. If nothing has progressed by then they will go through the options.
He will do me something to eat/drink etc. He finds it hard to sit still generally so any excuse to get up and do something will suit him fine at the moment. When he's upset all my dishes get washed.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
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Rightly or wrongly what keeps going through my head is I just want to get pregnant again and have a baby. I was so happy. Just want to feel like that again.
It is like what Thumper said about people who stay and participate in life.
You are a stayer.
I would seriously be considering about staying with someone who is having a bbq today, while you are wrapped up in a blanket hoping for some comfort? (I do not know, I do know I wanted my husband to be there and say it's okay, i love you, don't worry, we will have another, all that stuff).
Yes, women get over miscarriages and all, but today, today could be about you.
When I asked my now ex for something, he said, "Don't act all sick and sh!t, the doctor said you were fine, and you would recover." Well, okay then.
No help from him then. I went back to drinking, that always numbed the pain.
Sigh.......sad times for both of us.
Your partner wants to bbq today? I do love a good bbq, but unless he is doing it because you love it and want to have charcoal seared (i love charcoal) meat or vegetables, I do not understand.
I have a grandchild now, and I have perfected my steely stink eye! I wish I could come over and give him a whopping dose of steely stink eye! "You are what?!?!?"
"Barbequing? today?" Then the power of the mother's stink eye.
You will get this power when you become a mother.
Maybe you have been on the receiving end of one of "the looks"?
Yes, I agree to leave him to his own devices and think about you.
What is the cat's name? I do like cats, I just have a dog and a bird now.
When my daughter's cats were here, I was stressed about the obvious food chain issues.
A couple of close calls, but no bleeding. LOL
Beth
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Location: Waterford MI
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He will do me something to eat/drink etc. He finds it hard to sit still generally so any excuse to get up and do something will suit him fine at the moment. When he's upset all my dishes get washed.
Love getting the dishes done.
And the floor. hehehehehe
Beth
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My cats name is Keith. He's so lovely and has definitely bought a lot of peace to my home. We got him not long before my partner started AA and he's definitely helped with my partners recovery in a weird way.
Don't get me wrong he isn't having a BBQ party with loads of people round etc. it's literally just me him and the cat. I'm on the sofa with the cat and he is outside on his own doing a BBQ! It's just his way of being here with me without actually being here. He hasn't drunk today and went back to AA so I guess it's just his way of not drinking and coping with the grief. But yeah, it is odd. Still, better than drink and drugs. He has said all the right stuff but its a constant battle for him..... And me.
Don't get me wrong he isn't having a BBQ party with loads of people round etc. it's literally just me him and the cat. I'm on the sofa with the cat and he is outside on his own doing a BBQ! It's just his way of being here with me without actually being here. He hasn't drunk today and went back to AA so I guess it's just his way of not drinking and coping with the grief. But yeah, it is odd. Still, better than drink and drugs. He has said all the right stuff but its a constant battle for him..... And me.
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But yeah, it is odd. Still, better than drink and drugs. He has said all the right stuff but its a constant battle for him..... And me
Does your partner connect with Keith?
It will be a constant battle too. It is just so tough that he chose this time to drink.
Tough for you.
Beth
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Yeah he does, he loves the cat.
So he's gone out again. He had been drinking today. After his AA meeting. He was looking for an excuse to go so he did. We ended up having a few crossed words. I told him he's selfish and if he is going to carry on drinking today to not come home tonight as I don't have the head space to deal with his problems at the moment.
All I've had to listen to today is him and how he shared at his meeting for the first time today, how he wants to be sober, how he can't deal with his emotions, how he needed to get drunk so he could feel something blah blah. Not once "hey, you must feel awful, is there anything you'd like to do today?".
He basically wanted to offer one of his AA friends a lift to which I said was a great idea but I didn't think it was appropriate to offer people lifts when he had been drinking. He didn't like that at all. That's what started it all.
So he's gone out again. He had been drinking today. After his AA meeting. He was looking for an excuse to go so he did. We ended up having a few crossed words. I told him he's selfish and if he is going to carry on drinking today to not come home tonight as I don't have the head space to deal with his problems at the moment.
All I've had to listen to today is him and how he shared at his meeting for the first time today, how he wants to be sober, how he can't deal with his emotions, how he needed to get drunk so he could feel something blah blah. Not once "hey, you must feel awful, is there anything you'd like to do today?".
He basically wanted to offer one of his AA friends a lift to which I said was a great idea but I didn't think it was appropriate to offer people lifts when he had been drinking. He didn't like that at all. That's what started it all.
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Originally Posted by wicked 
Do you have a cuppa near by? (I learned about this watching BBC )
A cuppa is great for everything that ails you, (no caffeine of course, mostly milk?).
That stiff upper lip thing isn't gonna work here lady!
Beth
)A cuppa is great for everything that ails you, (no caffeine of course, mostly milk?).
That stiff upper lip thing isn't gonna work here lady!
Beth
I would make you a cup of char or rosie lea too. There names for tea in the UK as well.
On a lighter note, I hope he burns his bangers on the bbq!
Do you know what bangers are Beth?
xx
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Dear KKE, right now, self care is the only thing you should focus on. Don't even bother to argue with him right now. Detach from him as much as you can. I have been through a miscarriage, myself. For a couple of weeks, the rollercoaster ride of shifting hormones is enough, in itself, to cope with. Lean on every sympathetic shoulder!!! You need it.
After th e worst of this is over, you might need to spend some time evaluating whether this is the kind of family life you really want!?
You have my deepest empathy,
dandylion
After th e worst of this is over, you might need to spend some time evaluating whether this is the kind of family life you really want!?
You have my deepest empathy,
dandylion
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This is probably going to sound. Bit deluded and fantasy land like but for the first time in a long time we were both so happy. It was like we were both on the same page. Things felt so normal.
I know he's hurting and he feels robbed but yeah I can't counsel him at the moment.
I know he's hurting and he feels robbed but yeah I can't counsel him at the moment.
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Dear KKE, I do understand how you feel emotionaly, right now. I really do--as I have been there.
Unfortunately, periods of happiness with an alcoholic can end very abruptly--the minute the chips are down.
Wait until the worst of this has setteled though---until your hormones have stabilized.
Then, think about it. Think of what a lifetime of interrupted happiness would be like.
Meanwhile, try to rest as much as you can and detach your emotions from him as much as you can.
sympathetically,
dandylion
Unfortunately, periods of happiness with an alcoholic can end very abruptly--the minute the chips are down.
Wait until the worst of this has setteled though---until your hormones have stabilized.
Then, think about it. Think of what a lifetime of interrupted happiness would be like.
Meanwhile, try to rest as much as you can and detach your emotions from him as much as you can.
sympathetically,
dandylion
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Hi KKE,
I miscarried and was hard, and sad, for a while. I was more emotional than made any logical sense, given that I only had three beautiful children. But hard it was.
AH hated when I would get sick or need to rest for any reason. He took the miscarriage as an occasion to complain about me and drink more.
Then 2 months later he approached me. I didn't say no, but he wasn't supposed to do anything to get me pregnant. I thought he would be careful. He turned out to be drunker yhan I thought.
That night I prayed and promised God to love that baby with all of my heart.
AH always said after that he didn't remember that night.
I have the most incredible, delicious daughter. She came to me at a time whrn I was realizing how out of control AH was becoming. I have been deeply grateful for my daughter. But her life was hard in that AH and I were fighting through that pregnancy and when she was an infant...Until last fall when I had enough and sent him out of my life.
The miscarriage was an opportunity to take another look at where my life was going before commiting to having another child.
I didn't take control of my life.
Now I really am called upon to face reality and try to find a way to make it work for me and the children on my own.
Think KKE. Think hard. Your a is sending you a message by f**king up right now. He can't/won't be there for you or a child when you need him most.
You want to have a child on your own?
I am not telling you what to do. Just to see the truth of your situation and decide what to do next based on the evidence of his actions. Remember, alcoholism is progressive. It only gets worse!
Best to you and all my sympathies!
I miscarried and was hard, and sad, for a while. I was more emotional than made any logical sense, given that I only had three beautiful children. But hard it was.
AH hated when I would get sick or need to rest for any reason. He took the miscarriage as an occasion to complain about me and drink more.
Then 2 months later he approached me. I didn't say no, but he wasn't supposed to do anything to get me pregnant. I thought he would be careful. He turned out to be drunker yhan I thought.
That night I prayed and promised God to love that baby with all of my heart.
AH always said after that he didn't remember that night.
I have the most incredible, delicious daughter. She came to me at a time whrn I was realizing how out of control AH was becoming. I have been deeply grateful for my daughter. But her life was hard in that AH and I were fighting through that pregnancy and when she was an infant...Until last fall when I had enough and sent him out of my life.
The miscarriage was an opportunity to take another look at where my life was going before commiting to having another child.
I didn't take control of my life.
Now I really am called upon to face reality and try to find a way to make it work for me and the children on my own.
Think KKE. Think hard. Your a is sending you a message by f**king up right now. He can't/won't be there for you or a child when you need him most.
You want to have a child on your own?
I am not telling you what to do. Just to see the truth of your situation and decide what to do next based on the evidence of his actions. Remember, alcoholism is progressive. It only gets worse!
Best to you and all my sympathies!
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