jodilynn

My wife is sober and has been sober for 41 days. She self admitted herself into treatment and I look up to her for that. Her and I got in trouble at work for fraternization and she is awaiting court martial. I have already been to Captain's Mast. For three months. she drank to the point of black out every night. She doesn't remember much but she said hateful things to me. SHe even tried to committ suicide, in which our children saw, but chose to self admit herself to the mental ward at the VA. I am proud of her for her sobriety but I'm conlicted because she thinks that she is the only one going through this change and transition. We married last November and our children are not hers biologically. Its hard for me to be ok with the fact that she isolates herself from the family and her recovery is all about her. What about us? We felt everything that she felt while she was drinking and still do to this day. I love her with all my heart! Can anyone please help me understand this or what she is feeling a little better? If anyone else is dealing with the same thing, please let me know how you do it. Thank you in advance.

Jodi

dandylion

Dear jodilynn, please forgive me for asking a dumb question--but, you are not allowed to fraternize with your own wife in the military??

Wow!

dandylion

wicked

Jodilynn,

Has no one in the military spoken to your wife about her drinking yet? She went to treatment to put off her court martial?
If she has been to treatment, she knows it is not all about her, it is about living life on lifes terms, and it seems she didnt like it so much to drink to black out.
I went to treatment at a military facility and there was a program for the family members, all of them the last two weeks of treatment. This was in the Army.

There are many people available to help on base. there should be some support for all of you if both of you are transitioning out.

This is all incredibly stressful, I am sorry. So sorry.
Please find some Al Anon meetings for you right away.

Beth

Springs

Jodilynn - My husband has been sober for three weeks, if he is to be believed. A big if. He too seems really self centered and so far doesn't seem that interested in how I'm doing. Sobriety isn't the end game for me here. He has to be willing to recover from the destructive habits that developed in our relationship around the drinking and if he doesn't want to do that than sober is just not enough for me. So far I've found Al Anon meetings to be the most helpful thing.

oneday66

My experience with early recovery was that it was really really hard.. harder than when they are active addiction because you can predict whats going to happen then (they will get loaded)... The roller coaster of them uncovering all these feelings they used to stuff down is very stressful, its likemy husband had a hair trigger..i couldnt handle it and wouldnt subject kids to it.. Also, he blamed me for his relapse... his 2nd shot at recovery I knew better and stayed out of it.. its his business and his mountain to climg.. he's almost a year clean now including a 2 month relapse and we dont live together... if he's clean 2 years straight and still working a program I would then consider living with him again.. please take care of yourself first.. you dont have to live with her to be supportive and a part of her lif

jodilynn

We had a date night on Friday which ended in an argument and I stayed at a hotel by myself. I needed some time to clear my mind and decide what I wanted to do in our situation. Was I in it for the long haul. I love her with all my heart but feel as though now that she has been sober for over forty days, she feels like I have to answer numerous questions to her. I have gotten over what our life was like while she was actively drinking and have forgiven her for it all but now she is acting like a counselor to me. I tried to take care of her for so long and now the program does that for her. Where does that leave me? I am in the midst of reading "How Al-Anon works for families and friends of alcoholics." and am learning a lot. I am learning that many feel the same way I do and I must detach myself from her recovery and separate her disease from who she truly is. I can't rely on her for my happiness and must re-indulge in to myself and find my own independence. Am i tracking on any of this and/or making any sense?

Hammer

Oh yeah.

You have all the words, at least.

Application is another matter.

Your mileage may vary.

Hammer

Double A+ to you.

We are getting near to 180 days of Mrs. Hammer back from rehab.

Speaking kindly -- it aint been a honeymoon.

Hammer

hmmmm.

Tell us more about that, sister?

Thanks.