New to forum - AH am I being selfish or is this normal?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Someone on this blog said something to me that really resonated...if I don't try to control or micromanage his recovery, I won't incur any blame if he stumbles.
Beth
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear mdcrab, I believe that I posted that to you....I can tell you this from bitter experience of my own. I have a son that is almost 11mo. into recovery--and I have resumed talking to him on the phone (as long as he is sober). I must keep my mouth zipped...zipped....not one word about his recovery. Not even any encourgement--he says that makes him feel pressured. I don't even ask how he is doing.
Actually, if he brings up anything pretaining to recovery---I just tell him to talk to his buddys about it (meaning AA buddys). Because, I know that later he m ight turn it around on me!!!!.
Good luck.
dandylion
Actually, if he brings up anything pretaining to recovery---I just tell him to talk to his buddys about it (meaning AA buddys). Because, I know that later he m ight turn it around on me!!!!.
Good luck.
dandylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 13
Dandion- I have to admit not saying, asking, hinting, demanding, etc. ANYTHING is probably the hardest part and will be a contestant struggle. I am conditioned to think that no response=condoning the behavior. I need to adjust my thinking as HIS behavior is something I can't control and my opinion, thoughts, "help" or whatever I've convinced myself I'm doing will only hurt me because they come with an expectation which will no doubt result in disappointment. I'm pretty sure my husband is stoned right now. 3 days ago I would have asked him, questioned him, called him out on the inevitable lie and then dealt with the subsequent excuse, promise, justification, retaliation etc. I know that NO good will come from it. So why go there? You are absolutely right, I will not ask - duct tape please?! 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
You are absolutely right, I will not ask - duct tape please?!
Imagine yourself, a zen master, "this matters not in my world, my world is serene."
You can get there from here, just like getting to Carnegie Hall,
it takes practice.
:rotfxko
How corny is that?
Keep your sense of humor too mdcrab.
Sometimes, it can be absurd.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
expectation which will no doubt result in disappointment.
"expectations are future resentments".
Resentments are bad for everybody.
Your world is your world.
Have it your way.
<snicker>
I do not know what has gotten to my silly bone tonight.
But it is true.
Your world is what you make of it,
not what you "make" others do in it.
Beth
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