Projection How does it work?

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06-08-2013, 05:38 PM

# 21 (permalink)

wicked

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Join Date: Nov 2009

Location: Waterford MI

Posts: 4,202

Quote:

And although it sounds like a positive at first, because we're talking about 'good' qualities, it's still actually negative, because it's me giving him credit for being a better person than he actually is, which is detrimental to ME and the way I think about him. Not sure if I'm making sense, but just thought I'd share a different spin on it.

this happened to me in my last "relationhsip" which gives a name to some kinda connection we had. I was telling him how nice, understanding, caring and just all around good guy he was ( what I thought was a normie, because i am an alkie

).
He did get uncomfortable, and kind of squirmed under the unintended pressure I was giving him to be a good guy.
Not a perfect guy. But a good guy.
At least I am projecting positive things now.
And now, I am aware of how I can convince myself of certain things.

Rose colored glasses, still tinged with pink but clearer than ever before.

Beth

06-08-2013, 05:45 PM

# 22 (permalink)

fluffyflea

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Join Date: Feb 2007

Posts: 1,826

We can also project our fears on someone not just our feelings.

06-08-2013, 06:36 PM

# 23 (permalink)

helltoraise

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Thread Starter

Join Date: Apr 2013

Posts: 47

Hammer- Really interesting....Trying to figure out how it plays out.....It's funny you mentioned Disney Princesses. I think my ex thought I would transform him. I think he thought being with me would be a shortcut to him dealing with his problems. He declared I was not "the one." I do not believe in the one. I believe you are drawn to certain people. We may fall in love. After awhile love becomes a choice. It is a conscious action to chose to be loving. Anyway, when he said, "you are not the one. " I said, "I didn't realize we were Disney Princesses."

Oh, well.....