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-   -   Alonon taught me things beyond what I imagined (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/29688-alonon-taught-me-things-beyond-what-i-imagined.html)

Dazimae 05-16-2004 06:29 AM

Alonon taught me things beyond what I imagined
 
I have to admit when I called the alonon number and asked questions the lady told me alonon teaches you how to live with an alcoholic, she has lived with one 36 out of the 39 years she has been married... I THOUGHT OH NO I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE WITH ONE I WANT HIM TO STOP.
I am glad I hung in there and found this place because alonon is working in a way I had never thought. I used to make my self sick worring about how many beers he had, looking for his stash, yelling crying,begging,threatening, wishing for my life the one I wanted.
I have learned a new peace,I do not hear the " I'm trying" line anymore I just say to him I'm trying to. I do not hear the " you are pusing me away line as he is about 3 sheets to the wind" I just say " you are making me a stronger person" I know my AH will never stop he signed himself out of detox, goes about 1 day without is and says he has to have just 1 to calm the shakes.
I know this is not how I want to live my life, my kids are all suffering because of this. BUT I have found a new peace and security within myself to make the choices I need to make for me.
I no longer think I can save him, I no longer think I can make him stop, and I no longer think if he loves me he will stop.
I have stoped going anywhere with him, and I have stoped trying to talk to him when he has been drinking, which is everyday. I have learned to trust in God. And not in my husband. I deserve a better life then this. and I know I do thanks to alonon. and I must say my Husband hates that I am going of course I am not an enabaler anymore. :arms:

JT 05-16-2004 07:06 AM

Dazimae,

Thank you for this post. This is such an important thing for everyone to grasp. Al Anon is NOT about learning to live with an alcoholic. It is about learning to live...period. Some choose to stay but they stay with their eyes wide open. Some choose to leave but only after learning, like you, that what they want in life is not what they have.

Learning what we want and being able to see clearly what we have makes both those choices possible. And we are able to live in peace either way.

Hugs,
JT

McKrazy 05-16-2004 07:45 AM

"I no longer think if he loves me he will stop."
Hmmmmmmm...
I must still be struggling with that...... that stopped me and my heart hurt a bit!
Thanks for your post, good reminders, hard, but good.
Pam

Ann 05-16-2004 08:21 AM

Dazimae

Isn't it wonderful when we take all that time and energy that we used to waste trying to change them, and use it instead to change ourselves, that life becomes beautiful once again.

May you have the wonderful life you deserve!!!

Hugs
Ann

splendra 05-16-2004 08:47 AM

I found alanon before I found naranon and they helped me so much.

But, last night I found myself saying that if you love me thing again... it brought tears to his eyes.

sunflowergal29 05-16-2004 10:07 AM

Thanks for the good reminder- I needed to hear these posts. I hear that, "I'm trying" bit all the time, and I am really beginning to wonder how much he actually is trying. But, this is about ME, not about what I think he needs to do to make me feel better. I am also beginning to wonder if I can live this way, and the longer I stick around here, the less I feel like I want to. But, just for today, I am here, working my steps (although procrastinating that big #4) and trying my hardest to keep the focus where it is supposed to be (on moi). Thanks again, Dazimae!!!!
-SFG29

ZionLion127 05-19-2004 01:20 AM

Isn't it funny how we are all stumped on the same issues?-

constant 05-19-2004 04:33 AM

Dazimea......I am so happy for you. Alanon was the answer to my prayers too. What a peaceful feeling....how life has changed from the frantic worries of where "they" are and what "they" are doing to REALLY enjoying all the things in life. Actually taking the time to soak up the sun and smell the flowers......and loving yourself trusting that God will lead the way. Peace, Constant


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