Jail Time Aftermath

Old 06-05-2013, 05:08 AM
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Jail Time Aftermath

I am trying hard to wrap my head around AH possibly getting incarcerated and shipped back to the U.S. for failure to pay child support.

So this is my bottom line question:

(Assume the parent has the money available)

If a well-paid, narcissistic alcoholic gets locked up for failing to pay child support, what happens once they're out? Do they:

a). Go get drunk

b). Quit their job, move out West, and live in a tent

c). Sue the h**l out of their wife, her country, and anyone else involved

d). See the light, find their bottom, go to AA, get clean and sober, pay regular child support and embrace excellent personal hygiene

e). Other

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Old 06-05-2013, 05:12 AM
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easy question

Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng View Post

d). See the light, find their bottom, go to AA, get clean and sober, pay regular child support and embrace excellent personal hygiene

I would pray for the above
and then remember
not all prayers are answered
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Old 06-05-2013, 06:06 AM
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They are going to extradite him from another country for not paying child support? If they do, jail is not always a alcoholics bottom. When he gets released he could go straight back to the bottle. I would focus more on what you can control & less on what you cannot. Interestingly enough, if he gets shipped back to AZ to do jail time he will be living in a tent while in jail.
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Old 06-05-2013, 06:13 AM
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There's no right answer to this.
I went to jail for thirteen months for a crime fueled by addiction and after two months of being released, I was right back into it.
Once I was dead inside and hit my spiritual bottom, only then did I come into recovery.
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Old 06-05-2013, 06:33 AM
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If a well-paid, narcissistic alcoholic gets locked up for failing to pay child support, what happens once they're out? Do they:

a). Go get drunk Possibly.

b). Quit their job, move out West, and live in a tent Possibly

c). Sue the h**l out of their wife, her country, and anyone else involved He can't sue you or your country because he committed a crime and was arrested for it.

d). See the light, find their bottom, go to AA, get clean and sober, pay regular child support and embrace excellent personal hygiene Possibly.

e). Other No way to tell what another person may do.

His actions - his consequences. Your focus should be on your children and yourself. He is responsible for himself.
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Old 06-05-2013, 07:07 AM
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The answer could be
a, b, c, d, e or a million other choices ~ but the key is that those are HIS choices not yours.

The best question I think could be what do YOU want to do with your life today? what choice do you want to make to improve your life, your recovery and your mental well-being?

Remember you are well worthy of a life full of serenity, safety, happiness and laughter ~ seek what is best for you

PINK hugs!
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Old 06-05-2013, 07:14 AM
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Wait, I'll go dig up my Magic 8-Ball......

"Reply hazy, Try again"


Seriously, I agree that there's no way of telling or predicting what he may or may not do under those circumstances. I could envision any & all of those scenarios.
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Old 06-05-2013, 07:22 AM
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An alcoholic (assuming he's not 'in recovery') will first pick A. Every time. Guaranteed. That is what alcoholics do. Out of jail? Time to celebrate with a beer.

That doesn't mean he won't also engage in B, C and/or E.
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Old 06-05-2013, 08:25 AM
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Not your business, not your problem.
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Old 06-05-2013, 08:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Florence View Post
Not your business, not your problem.
kind of harsh there
could be an over ride of a program used
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Old 06-05-2013, 09:04 AM
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kind of harsh there
could be an over ride of a program used
I don't think it's harsh. She can't predict the outcomes of what her erratic and punishing AH will do, but she can plan for herself. The best thing she could do for herself and her kids is make her life completely not dependent on what he does.

That doesn't mean he shouldn't be responsible -- he should be as the kids' father. But he's unreliable, shifty, and manipulative. That's one horse you don't want pulling your cart.

She reported him within the boundaries of the law. The chips will fall where they may. What he does with that experience is ultimately not her business anymore. It's his journey.
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Old 06-06-2013, 03:50 PM
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I have been busy pondering. Very busy pondering.

Thing is, today I am clear about one thing. I am good with AH going to jail for monkeying around with the court order. For a few days maybe. Then he pays what he owes me and promises not to do it again. Right.

But, the thing about not being let back in to the country?

Way too harsh for me.

He has paid 75% of the court-ordered pension. The piecemeal approach is designed to make me nuts. Which it is!!!!!

But I am learning what you all are trying to get through to me. You can't be dependent on this a***ole nutcase. He'll just make my life miserable, without hardly trying!

If he gets thrown out of the country it won't be good for anyone (except me!!!). But not even me, because it would make the children suffer unfairly.

Maybe I can ask my lawyer if we can do the jail bit without the thrown out kicker finale.

I am not trying to control anything here, am I?!

Thank you, thank you for all your responses! They were really helpful!
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Old 06-06-2013, 04:05 PM
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I am not trying to control anything here, am I?!

um yeah kinda.

you are totally future tripping about that stuff that isn't even close to happening and much of which is outlandish enough to probably not even be a possibility.

on the one hand you heap all kinds of ill will upon him and his character, say that he is robbing your children of a future, but then when you start thinking about where this might go legally, you suddenly determine what is TOO harsh. so you have made yourself victim, judge AND jury.
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Old 06-06-2013, 04:45 PM
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It is so hard to let go. It almost seems to be our nature to just hold on as hard as we can.

They are his choices and his consequences. The further you stay away from it, the better for you, and most importantly, the better it is for your children. When I "meddled" is when I lost myself. Involving yourself in his consequences will be seen by the kids. They may resent you for it now, or later.

I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life.
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go
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Old 06-06-2013, 05:06 PM
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Remember that when a person breaks the law, it's not only an offense against the victim but also against the authority that created the law. Meaning you have very little influence over what the justice system does once you report him.

So I think it's a matter if letting go and tempering that whatever the consequences, HE put himself in the position he's in through HIS actions. Of course, HE won't see it that way because to him, it will all be your fault, right?
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Old 06-06-2013, 05:08 PM
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You need the money. He doesn't wish to pay. If the remedy is jail, that's on him. If the remedy is payment, that's on him. If the consequence is being kept out of the country, that's between him and whatever lawyer HE gets.

You need your money and if reporting him for non-payment is what it takes to get the money, then that is what you have to do.

You are NOT IN CHARGE of what happens. The State will be taking action - not you.
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Old 06-06-2013, 05:30 PM
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Whatever the outcome, he will suffer the consequences of his actions.
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