Full Custody! :)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 188
Full Custody! :)
Hey everyone,
I appreciate all the kindness, support, and advice SR has offered me. Thank you a million times over!
I wanted to share some fabulous news. I went to my hearing for temporary custody this morning and the judge ruled in my favor! I have temporary full and legal custody and my AEXBF only gets supervised visitation every other weekend with NO overnights!!!
Ever since I filed, my ex has been taunting me, saying, "You can't prove anything! I *know* I'm gonna get joint custody!" He wrote a response in which he insisted that he is not an alcoholic. Today, he looked the judge in the eye and claimed he does not have any alcohol problem. Well, actually, the first statement he made was, "I do have one beer after work. But I am NOT an alcoholic." (I must admit, I had to force back my laughter at that line because he used an exaggerated tone so he just sounded ridiculous.)
The judge asked my ex, my lawyer, and myself a few questions. My ex made huge claims and dug his own grave. He lied about his alcohol abuse, and a bunch of other things. It seemed that the judge sensed my ex's BS quite quickly and he reached his decision swiftly. I LOVE LOVE LOVE how the judge looked at my ex in the face and said, "This Court believes you do have an alcohol problem. For this reason, your time with [our child] should be limited."
I have never felt such a sense of sweet justice in my LIFE! Ever since our son was born, my ex would run his mouth off to EVERYONE about how much he looooooves our child and how he is *such a great dad*! Except, that is not the case at all. He would only visit with our son whenever he felt like it, and when he did visit, he was often hungover/drunk and would drink around him. Now, he had his day in court and the judge ruled fair and square that my ex is a danger to our son and that he does indeed have an alcohol problem----so, supervised visits every other weekend it is! (Only one downside: the judge appointed his new wife as a supervisor, but since my ex physically abuses her and she depends on him for her forthcoming Green Card application, I know she will NOT report anything...does anyone have words of advice for this?)
When we were outside the courthouse after the hearing, my ex asked if he could see our son today, but I told him the new court order states he can only see him every other weekend during his supervised visitation. He said, "Well, I can ask you to supervise, right? Can't I just come see him today after work?" NOPE! I am only required to follow the court order, I am not required to give him any extra time. He became very angry and began cussing. I said, "You are harassing me. Stop!" He just walked off, very, very angry.
With this court order, I believe I can now start a new chapter for my son and I. I know we need to keep moving forward and make our new bright future happen!
Thank you, SR!!!!
I appreciate all the kindness, support, and advice SR has offered me. Thank you a million times over!
I wanted to share some fabulous news. I went to my hearing for temporary custody this morning and the judge ruled in my favor! I have temporary full and legal custody and my AEXBF only gets supervised visitation every other weekend with NO overnights!!!
Ever since I filed, my ex has been taunting me, saying, "You can't prove anything! I *know* I'm gonna get joint custody!" He wrote a response in which he insisted that he is not an alcoholic. Today, he looked the judge in the eye and claimed he does not have any alcohol problem. Well, actually, the first statement he made was, "I do have one beer after work. But I am NOT an alcoholic." (I must admit, I had to force back my laughter at that line because he used an exaggerated tone so he just sounded ridiculous.)
The judge asked my ex, my lawyer, and myself a few questions. My ex made huge claims and dug his own grave. He lied about his alcohol abuse, and a bunch of other things. It seemed that the judge sensed my ex's BS quite quickly and he reached his decision swiftly. I LOVE LOVE LOVE how the judge looked at my ex in the face and said, "This Court believes you do have an alcohol problem. For this reason, your time with [our child] should be limited."
I have never felt such a sense of sweet justice in my LIFE! Ever since our son was born, my ex would run his mouth off to EVERYONE about how much he looooooves our child and how he is *such a great dad*! Except, that is not the case at all. He would only visit with our son whenever he felt like it, and when he did visit, he was often hungover/drunk and would drink around him. Now, he had his day in court and the judge ruled fair and square that my ex is a danger to our son and that he does indeed have an alcohol problem----so, supervised visits every other weekend it is! (Only one downside: the judge appointed his new wife as a supervisor, but since my ex physically abuses her and she depends on him for her forthcoming Green Card application, I know she will NOT report anything...does anyone have words of advice for this?)
When we were outside the courthouse after the hearing, my ex asked if he could see our son today, but I told him the new court order states he can only see him every other weekend during his supervised visitation. He said, "Well, I can ask you to supervise, right? Can't I just come see him today after work?" NOPE! I am only required to follow the court order, I am not required to give him any extra time. He became very angry and began cussing. I said, "You are harassing me. Stop!" He just walked off, very, very angry.
With this court order, I believe I can now start a new chapter for my son and I. I know we need to keep moving forward and make our new bright future happen!
Thank you, SR!!!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear butterfly, from my experience, he may well taper off on seeing the child after all the court stuff is done. It seems that a lot of the custody demands are just to discredit you and give you grief.I don't mean to say that all fathers are like that. Goodness no. But it sounds like your ex has a great sense of entitlement and is quite self-serving.
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 188
My thoughts exactly, Anvilhead! I don't know what his rock bottom is, but he does not seem close to hitting it anytime soon 
During his post-court rant, he deflected blame again and said, "This is all your fault! Why did you have to do this?" Even after being denied custody and being told that the judge believes he has an alcohol problem, he simply does. not. get. it. I don't think he will be in recovery any time soon, which is so unfortunate for our son. Sigh.
During his post-court rant, he deflected blame again and said, "This is all your fault! Why did you have to do this?" Even after being denied custody and being told that the judge believes he has an alcohol problem, he simply does. not. get. it. I don't think he will be in recovery any time soon, which is so unfortunate for our son. Sigh.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 188
Thanks, dandylion, for the lively bunch of smiley faces! It put a smile on my face 
Yup, I hear you on the visitation gradually tapering off. I believe that may happen in my case as well, especially since the judge ordered visitation hours between 10AM-4PM and I know how much my ex absolutely hates early curfews and being restricted in what he can do (in other words, he won't be able to take out our son very far or anything like that).
Also, ever since I filed, my ex has repeatedly told me that he would just move back to our hometown where both our families live (it is about a seven hour drive away from the city we currently live in). In that case, he would simply give up and move away.
No matter what he does, I know I just need to keep my eyes on my own goals and life with my son. Of course, I wish my son had a better father, but as we have often discussed here on SR, expectations can get us into lots of trouble!
One of my mottos: just keep swimming!
Yup, I hear you on the visitation gradually tapering off. I believe that may happen in my case as well, especially since the judge ordered visitation hours between 10AM-4PM and I know how much my ex absolutely hates early curfews and being restricted in what he can do (in other words, he won't be able to take out our son very far or anything like that).Also, ever since I filed, my ex has repeatedly told me that he would just move back to our hometown where both our families live (it is about a seven hour drive away from the city we currently live in). In that case, he would simply give up and move away.
No matter what he does, I know I just need to keep my eyes on my own goals and life with my son. Of course, I wish my son had a better father, but as we have often discussed here on SR, expectations can get us into lots of trouble!
One of my mottos: just keep swimming!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 188
Thanks for the support, DreamsofSerenity and Rosiepetal!
Ahh, I just got off the phone with my ex. He called and asked to speak with our son (he's three years old) and after that, my ex insisted he wants to see our son every other day for an hour or two after work. I said, no, that is not in the court order. The judge ruled he only gets daytime visits every other weekend.
He doesn't like hearing the word NO so he freaking lost it!
Among the things he said, "You don't have a soul! How are you going to take our son away from his own father? When he grows up, I'm going to tell him what you did and he will resent you and hate you so much! You say you are so proud to be Latina and study Ethnic Studies but you're whitewashed because you used the courts to take my son away from me! You know, this is why you are single and you are going to stay single forever! Nobody wants you because you don't have a heart!"
In the past, I would have listened to his verbally abusive rants and tried my hardest to argue with him, because how dare he think that about me, I'm not those horrible things because xyz! But now that I've learned about my co-dependent behavior and ways to change it, I took my power back and simply HUNG UP ON HIM! How liberating! For extra emphasis, I texted him, "Stop harassing me." Keeping a text or paper trail will also help me down the road in court if he continues harassing me.
Again, he just does not get it. He is pointing the finger at me and refusing any accountability whatsoever. The judge ruled he is an alcoholic, so his limited supervised visitation reflects that. That is not my fault at all!
Furthermore, he can take his anger out on his wife or whoever else, because (as long as it does not pertain to his visitation) I don't have to listen to anything he has to say or take his verbal abuse ever again!
I feel like I'm still taking baby steps for my own codie recovery, but it's progress.
(I'm having too much fun with these smiley faces lol)
Ahh, I just got off the phone with my ex. He called and asked to speak with our son (he's three years old) and after that, my ex insisted he wants to see our son every other day for an hour or two after work. I said, no, that is not in the court order. The judge ruled he only gets daytime visits every other weekend.
He doesn't like hearing the word NO so he freaking lost it!
Among the things he said, "You don't have a soul! How are you going to take our son away from his own father? When he grows up, I'm going to tell him what you did and he will resent you and hate you so much! You say you are so proud to be Latina and study Ethnic Studies but you're whitewashed because you used the courts to take my son away from me! You know, this is why you are single and you are going to stay single forever! Nobody wants you because you don't have a heart!"
In the past, I would have listened to his verbally abusive rants and tried my hardest to argue with him, because how dare he think that about me, I'm not those horrible things because xyz! But now that I've learned about my co-dependent behavior and ways to change it, I took my power back and simply HUNG UP ON HIM! How liberating! For extra emphasis, I texted him, "Stop harassing me." Keeping a text or paper trail will also help me down the road in court if he continues harassing me.
Again, he just does not get it. He is pointing the finger at me and refusing any accountability whatsoever. The judge ruled he is an alcoholic, so his limited supervised visitation reflects that. That is not my fault at all!
Furthermore, he can take his anger out on his wife or whoever else, because (as long as it does not pertain to his visitation) I don't have to listen to anything he has to say or take his verbal abuse ever again!
I feel like I'm still taking baby steps for my own codie recovery, but it's progress.
(I'm having too much fun with these smiley faces lol)
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by butterfly2013 
I took my power back and simply HUNG UP ON HIM!
You can stop him as soon as he starts his quacking. I told my ex: I will not listen to ________. Of course he ignored my request and started up again. My response was *click*, and I hung up the phone.
He learned I was serious about not listening to his quacking.
In your situation, I think it would be appropriate to state:
"I will not listen to your verbal abuse" *click*
and do it as soon as he starts. I wouldn't let him finish his first sentence of that type of quacking.
So proud of you for finding your voice and saying NO!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
YAY!!!! I"m glad things turned out well for you and your son! I wouldn't enter into any conversations that aren't directly about visitation, and would hang up on those if he gets abusive again. Don't respond to any texts, but save them. You are sending the message...you are taking your power back.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
Wow!
It's so wonderful to hear about a woman standing up for herself. Hanging up on him was PERFECT.
You should feel so proud of yourself.
By the way - a real man would find that kind of inner strength very attractive.
You go girl!
It's so wonderful to hear about a woman standing up for herself. Hanging up on him was PERFECT.
You should feel so proud of yourself.
By the way - a real man would find that kind of inner strength very attractive.
You go girl!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Good for you!!!
As for the wife? Well, you know... There are a couple of Internet based email providers that can't be traces back to a particular IP address. The USCIS could theoretically get an email from such an email address telling them there is a green card scam going on with this marriage and that they should probably take a look at it.
Green card scams **** me off something royally and I have no sympathy for anyone defrauding the government that way. Go for it.
As for the wife? Well, you know... There are a couple of Internet based email providers that can't be traces back to a particular IP address. The USCIS could theoretically get an email from such an email address telling them there is a green card scam going on with this marriage and that they should probably take a look at it.
Green card scams **** me off something royally and I have no sympathy for anyone defrauding the government that way. Go for it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
This morning, I snuggled in bed with my son. It brought tears to my eyes knowing he is safe, loved, and protected
Plus he has the living example of a parent doing the right thing.
In addition he has the example of a parent standing up to a weaselly bully. That's a life lesson he can carry with him forever. If you had a daughter this life lesson would ensure there would be one less woman letting a loser treat her like crap.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
