Update on Pregnancy and Situation with ABF

Old 06-01-2013, 04:02 PM
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Update on Pregnancy and Situation with ABF

Hello, everyone. I have been absent for a few days because I have been busy - whew! What a week!

To start off with, I had an ultrasound to check on my daughter (I am almost 7 months pregnant). It turns out that I am having problems keeping fluids in there so my mission this week is to drink as much water as possible and hope that when they do the next ultrasound that the situation will have improved. If it has not, I will need to be hospitalized so they can keep a continuous IV and monitor her until she can be safely delivered.

I also failed the blood glucose test and have gestational diabetes. My daughter is much larger than she should be. I am on a special diet for that. This will also be closely monitored

So, lots of stress on the medical front.

I told ABF and he was/is very shaken. He has literally been doing all the errands, etc as I am on partial bedrest.

He and I are having an ongoing discussion about his drinking. He seems to be fully aware that he must cut down or quit, which is new. I am trying to view it as progress, but I am not holding my breath until he actually DOES something about it, like starts going to AA.

Anyway, he stayed sober for five full days, then went out once for an hour, came home mostly sober and then continued to drink at home. Then, yesterday, he came home completely plastered. Completely. He peed in his dresser drawer, which would have been funny if it weren't so disturbing to see him in that state.

This morning we discussed the situation. I calmly asked him if he was ok. He said yes, just tired and wanted to know why I asked. I told him what happened - how drunk he was, what he did, etc. He was very upset. He asked if I was afraid of him and I said, yes, both of him and for him. I told him that he must have drank to the point of alcohol poisoning and that one day he will kill himself.

He apologized - another first. He said that he knows that he needs to change. I said that is fine, but he needs to do more than TALK about it or it will just get worse.


I don't know. I am just so disappointed. And I need a plan.

If he does not follow through and do something about his drinking, I will clearly have to leave. The problem is that I have no family here and no daycare for a new baby. All the daycares here start at 18 months. It isn't insurmountable, but it is a problem.

Fortunately, I do not really need him for money. Once child support is established, I won't be much worse off than I am now, honestly.

So, I am just waiting to see what happens. As we say, more will be revealed. But so far I am not liking what I see, unfortunately.
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Old 06-01-2013, 04:10 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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First, congratulations on your over a year of sobriety, and your on-going co-dependency recovery. It is showing!

With your pregnancy and current health issues, I am glad to hear that your AH is stepping up to the plate for you and the baby, even if he is striking out now and then. Until the baby is born, I think you can only go day by day, and each day he is sober and helpful is a good day.

No need to worry about tomorrow right now - just feel free to concentrate on taking care of yourself and your daughter-to-be. Keep us posted.

Sending prayers and hugs your way,

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Old 06-01-2013, 06:42 PM
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Thanks for your response, Shootingstar. I need the encouragement right now, as I feel very much like I am between a rock and a hard place.

Yes, he has certainly stepped up far, far more than I ever expected. Aside from his drinking, he is generally a reliable guy, especially when it comes to family. And I know he loves me and the kids to bits - that is very clear and he tries to show it every day. So that all does give me hope. I know that he can't change until he decides to, but I also know that I quit drinking for this family, so it is possible that he may do the same. Or, he may not. Time will tell.

At any rate, unless something drastic happens, I am going to wait it out and see what happens, at least until after the baby is born. I think if he IS going to quit, that may do it. And I need to eliminate that as a "what if" should I decide to leave.

I am trying to take one day at a time and take care of me and the kids. Hopefully he will act on his words, but I can't worry about that just now.
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