SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Since the last time I posted, (which was only about a handful of day's ago) things have shifted back for the better.

I've gained a heightened sense of awareness by reading up on the disease, paying attention to everyone's experience on the site and heeding to the warnings people gave me. Moreover, I've started going to al-anon meetings just for extra emphasis.

At the beginning of this week, I was struggling to be solidly in a space where I felt peace without the control. That lead me to ask God, the Universe, "What would you have me do?" My experience of love was to control everything in order to protect the one's I love and through that my life's intention had/has been misunderstood without me being conscious of it.

I remember Mr. Hero telling me how sick he was the day after relapsing. He threw up repeatedly and couldn't even keep down water. I remember him telling me, he deserved it. ...Deserved that pain from relapsing. My first thought was, "What do you need from me to be there for you? To have access to you." That innate instinct to be of service. All this week I couldn't shake his statement from my mind. I remember thinking, "I don't get it God, but I know you do." What I know for sure is, when "bad" things happen they're meant to teach us about ourselves, our relationship with ourselves and our relationship with God. It was a still moment for me, I was still.

Mr. Hero went to his friend's house for a couple day's and I think that played an intricate role for him in terms of getting back on track with his sobriety. I understand that sometimes we have to step outside ourselves in order to figure out where we want to be. It's astounding how changing one's surroundings can influence one's perception either in a positive or negative way.

When I spoke with him on the first day at his friend's house, he told me he was going to stop drinking the next day. It was Wednesday when he said this. I didn't hold that statement as a promise nor did I condemn it, I simply surrendered it to God.

Mr. Hero got back to his house last night and I'm humbled to say, he's been sober for three day's now. Despite that being a short amount of time, i'm focused on trying to pay attention to the life i'm living now; to be truly present. Moreover, I'm proud of the fact he made a conscious decision and stuck to it but happy he did it HIS way. My blessing and wish for him is, to follow his own muse, always.

Last night was one of the BEST night's we've had in a while. We were just on the phone, being present, in that ordinary moment. He expressed to me how he doesn't want to be like his parents (who argued for twenty years to only end up divorced), how he believes it's important our core values match up and how he's happy with us. I told him, "I'm falling in love with you." for the first time. We stayed on the phone from ten till two in the morning laughing, joking and giving each other permission to dream.

Through my relationship with him, he's made me a better human being because I've had to remain connected to love, peace, harmony and wisdom in order to let God move and breathe through me. Before we got off the phone he told me, "We definitely make each other better people so I'm glad we're together."

My greatest wish and blessing for both Mr. Hero and I would be to remain loyal to our feelings , loyal to our relationship and loyal to our future.