When You're Having One of Those Days
 

What do you do when you're having one of those days where it seems impossible to leave and it's easier to keep on hurting yourself by living with the chaos instead of hurting the AH by leaving him and all the turmoil that will come with leaving?

I have those days too or actually moments. Sometimes I am gung ho about leaving making a plan, feeling confident that its the right thing and what is best for me then later on that same day I feel the opposite because leaving is such a huge step and it would be easier to let things just be. I think for me it is the fear of the turmoil and not the choice itself. In my head I know leaving is probably the right thing to do but it is so hard. Hang in there, keep working on yourself, use the detachment tools, Alanon tools and you will know when and if the time is right to leave.

It ALWAYS seems easier to stay where you are than to shake things up. It's also one of the reasons alcoholics have such a hard time quitting. Knowing there is something better out there if you change doesn't always overcome the aversion to the hard work involved in doing it.

I try to look at the long view. In five years, if I do nothing, things will be no better than they are now, and maybe even worse--not to mention that I will be five years older. If I change things, though, even though the process is unpleasant right now, in five years I won't have regrets about having wasted another five years of my life stuck.

Take the day off from thinking about it. Turn it over and have compassion for yourself, and remember, it's the chaos that is keeping you from thinking clearly. It's going to be okay.

Thank you one and all. I just had a mini melt down and your answers are helping me shake it off. Unsureofthefuture, wow, you sound just like me. I'm confident in my choice but it's the turmoil I fear. I've always been afraid of turmoil. Lexie, thanks. 5 years from now helps me because I know I'd be way worse off if I stay. Thank you KatieKate!