Don't You Ever Just Want Bad Things to Happen to Your *#%!$ A?
 

I am not going to get into gory details but I could just - aaarrrrgghh - the vile abusive being that is my stbxah.

I know Al Anon culture is all about serenity. But good luck with that when your AH is abusing, controling, ridiculing, belittling, deceiving, denying your children, cheating on and threatening you. While being righteous and superior.

And It could be a lot worse. I know.

I would go where he'd never find me. But what do I do with my children, then?

Please don't tell me to be calm and grateful. I am sick of being the good guy and doing what is right. Tell me you want to $&€^*% your A too!

See, by saying it, you get to let it out and help me out! ;)

:gaah

Hey, we allllll have these less-than-impeccable moments in our minds I'm sure! In fact, I had MANY of them when my H was actively drinking.

You are TOTALLY entitled to your anger... VENT AWAY!

Hey Pippi,
Yep, yes, uh-uh, and absolutely. Right there with ya.
But mostly, I just wish my STBAXH would stay on the opposite coast and leave me alone.
Sweetie, I'm sure there are so many of us here that have had these thoughts and have certainly become exhausted from always climbing to higher ground. It's good to let it out when you need to but you also can't let him wear you down and stifle the loving, wonderful, caring woman and mother you are!

It sounds like he is giving you an awful time. I know you are carrying so much on your shoulders while he is appearing to be light as a feather with well-lined pockets. I'm rooting for you. Stay strong and true to yourself - he is waiting for you to cave or give in, all the while keeping his thumb on you financially. Your feelings are understandable - and you are not alone.

Sending hugs and strength!
MamaKit

I fanatsize about meeting my A for dinner in a crowded restaurant, and then half way through the meal, standing up, throwing a drink in his face, and screaming "THERE YOU GO, YOU ABUSIVE ALCOHOLIC A$$HOLE!!!". That would make me really happy.. :)

Absolutely! When he lies too everyone and tries to play the victim.... When he asked for a clause to be put in the divorce paperwork that I not harrass him when I have been practicing NO contact and couldn't be happier and have never even come close to harrassing him...when he told the judge he didn't want to see his son because the day had been too emotional on HIM....I had to stop myself fro.m putting a retainer on my lawyer for future criminal charges ;) temporary insnity due to pregnancy an excuse? :) :) :)

We all have our stories of craziness! My six foot two ,250 lb husband went to the police the day he filed for divorce and was recorded telling them that he was concerned for his safety. He even lied and said that last year (mind you during breast cancer surgery and radiation) that I at 135lbs pushed him against the wall , pushed his head into the wall and kicked him. Yes I would love to see his a$$ get a lovely DUI and have karma bite him in the a$$!!!!!! Instead I prayer to get to the light at the end of this long nasty tunnel...I mourn my loss of the good old days.

After my X punched me in the face and I had to take a restraining order which he broke (that was after many drunken episodes including him chopping my chair with a machete and him trying to choke me while in a blackout), I used to pray and visualize that he would get run over by a car and die...and that was me sober and going to Al Anon.
It took me a while and quite a lot of work to let go of the burning anger I felt toward him and which was bottled up inside me. Twelve years later, I can look back at our relationship without hatred and yes I forgave him but I still remember the fear and anxiety I felt.

I actually do believe in karma. Actions have consequences. Sometimes they don't appear for a long time, but they do come about.

It's called justice, and it doesn't always come through the courts or from anything we do.

But yeah, I definitely understand your feelings right now.

Pippi, I understand.

I used to believe that I wanted justice. Then I really examined my actions, motives and fears and realized that what I really wanted was mercy for me and justice for them.
Based on my understanding of my Higher Power I get to choose either an attitude of justice for all or an attitude of mercy for all. I choose mercy for all because I still choose mercy for me even when I find it difficult to choose mercy for them.
The way my Higher Power works in my life and the attitude I strive to cultivate is one of Grace trumping Justice.

Oh yeah......it is getting easier now but, oh yeah.

Well, YES! I feel that way most of the time and have to fight wanting to help it along! I do believe in Karma and I don't want my actions to bite me. In addition I have to say that in some ways I do love my XABF & realize he is a very sick man. I feel at this point that I have been hurt much more than he has as far as all the cheating, drinking, lies& feeling totally unloved/used but in the end he has to live w/that not me! That would be horrible to live with and that in itself is punishment.
I think (hope) as we heal we will let go of some of that pain & anger. I do think I should be happy first then he can! LOL I know that sounds horrible but it's really how I feel today!

As Calvin (& Hobbs) said (and i paraphrase) when Moe the Bully took his lunch and beat him up: It is sometimes difficult to maintain faith in a benevolent deity when certain people aren't incinerated by lightning... ;)

I'm a complex person. I can be serene AND wish horrid fates on my ex. Sometimes within the same five-minute timespan.

I'm looking forward to the day when I no longer can be bothered to be angry at him. Not there yet. So you're not alone.

I'm right there with you sister!!! I've been having those similar thoughts the past couple of weeks as RAH has pressured me to sell our house and go our separate ways and share custody of our daughter. I've heard some of the lies he's told but I do believe the truth will unfold at some point.
Vent away!!!

Oh yeah... I can relate and for me it was the lying not the drinking that pissed me off. I would know instantly if he had been drinking and I say what's wrong with you - you looked F'd up and he would make his same lame ass excuses... I got fed up and pissed off and kicked his ass out the door. He went to rehab again and I got a back bone! Enough is enough so no more of your crap will I ever put up with again... The destructive behavior not only takes an A down eventually but it can take you down too unless you know deep down you deserve so much better than what you have... Slam that door shut and crawl out the window if you have to.

I used to. He was such a freaking azz-hole. Not only was he an azz-hole to me, he was an azz-hole to our daughter. I hated him with more feeling than I ever thought I could have.

Now...it doesn't matter. I look at my life and I'm content and fulfilled. I look at his life and he's doing what he's always done...getting by. Our daughter (now an adult) wants nothing to do with him. He lives in a little mobile home in the middle of nowhere. It's all his loss.

Once you have some time away from the chaos, you learn that the best revenge is a life lived well, in spite of him.

:firedevil:explode:explodePippi, I am going to confess something that might get me kicked off this thread......

There was a very painful breakup--many years ago. He happened to have massively curly, beautiful hair--down to his shoulders. (My secret consolation was that I knew with his family history he was to bald early in middle age.) This is what I wished--That he would, one day, be bald; have a huge beer belly, and; suffer from severe ED

dandylion

Pippi, I want to get my angries out!!!!!!!

I am out for over 4 years, divorced or 2 1/2. I have PTSD because of this marriage. I try to tell everyone that I am fine, but I am not.

I used to fantasize about stabbing my ex repeatedly, but I didn't want him dead, only because I wanted to do it again, and again, and again. I left when I no longer visualized a knife, I visualized a frying pan, that was something that I might actually pick up, I would never pick up a knife.

So still, when people ask me how I am doing. Tell them that I am doing "well" and that I wish him "WELL".

What I mean by that is

WELL, isn't it about time his car broke down, and he is stranded like he left me

WELL, isn't it time for that girlfriend of his to finally get sick of his sh!t

WELL, isn't it time yet for him to get fired from his job, since he only works 12 hours a week at the most, and gets paid for 40?

Could go on and on with the WELLS, Just know that I wish him "WELL".

I do try to not even think about him anymore, but when I do, I guess I still wish him "Well".

My life has been so much better, and I actually like where I am right now. I forgave myself for putting up with that crap, and hopefully someday, I might be able to look at a frying pan, or a knife, without thinking about him. I forgave him long time ago, but I did it for me, not for him.

OK, you now heard from a real "crazy" here.

Surprisingly, my therapist tells me that this is normal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amy, I love the "wells"!!!! What a clever take on 'wishing him well.';)

Oh yeah, I had all those feelings about all THREE of my XABFs (very slow learner) and during these relationships I became an A and got into recovery.

XABF#1 - married to a woman he cheated on me with who makes MY codie-ness look like the beginners part. After wondering what was wrong with ME, why he wouldn't marry ME, finally realized I'd kick him to the curb in about 5 minutes as I don't want the man I was "so dearly in love with for 20 years".

XABF#2 - don't have a clue where he is, really don't care He had 3 heart attacks while smoking crack (the addiction he introduced me to, though I DO accept my responsibility).

XABF#3 - dead. Too damned concerned about smoking that pipe than go to a dr. for pneumonia. I did not ever wish this on him, but I pray he is at peace.

I, too, believe in karma, I'm just impatient and I want to see it happen NOW and I want it to make a lasting impression. Part of that is being codie - I want them to feel what I did.

Karma has other plans, and they have nothing to do with me. With XABF#1, I figure he and his wife are both going through a karma I'd never have imagined. He and I wouldn't last 5 minutes together because *I* found my backbone. What she got in a husband? He's an A and he's no prize.

It takes time, but my mom always told me "what goes around, comes around". I was impatient, wanted to see it NOW, but have learned in my 51 years, it happens when it happens. I just keep on with my life, let the karma police do their work.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy