Divorce day tomorrow - need tips to calm myself

Old 05-29-2013, 08:14 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
Divorce day tomorrow - need tips to calm myself

SR friends,
Tomorrow is the day - the final hearing for our divorce, essentially a trial. My understanding is that it is rare to have a trial last more than one day - particularly when there are no complicated assets or business interests to address.
As I've noted before, STBAXH has not complied with any requirements to file appropriate disclosures - the latest were due more than 60 days ago. He complained to my attorney yesterday that the forms were too complicated and unreasonable. He also waited until yesterday to respond to our settlement proposal which was submitted to him 6 weeks ago! He said he sent his response by mail a while ago and we should have let him know that he didn't receive it. His responses to that proposal paint a clear picture of his continued need and efforts to control me.

As far as his drinking is concerned. I have no way of knowing whether he is or not...he physically looks like it to me when I have seen him when we meet to pick/up drop/off the boys.

I am anxious about the outcome, particularly when it comes to my boys. I know that I will present better than he will - I'm not likely to lose my cool - he on the other hand surely will. I hope the judge sees things as they are and makes the right decisions. My attorney and I are well prepared and I have to believe that I will find the strength to get through it.

What I need from you, my SR friends, is a mantra or something to help me find peace in the hours leading up to trial and as I go through it. I can't seem to settle my mind. Inside my head is a cacophony of thoughts, doubts, fears, arguments. I need to find some internal quiet. I'm doing my breathing and that is keeping the anxiety away -but I can't quiet my brain.
Any suggestions?
Thanks and hugs,
MamaKit is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 08:23 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
A work in progress
LexieCat's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Try focusing on how peaceful you will feel when this is behind you. Use some of that brain energy fantasizing about the plans you can make without this albatross of a marriage weighing you down.

Almost there, almost there.
LexieCat is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 08:28 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
BunnyNest's Avatar
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 220
"Easy does it" over and over as you breath. That calms me.

The serenity prayer as well.

Take good care of yourself between now and then.
BunnyNest is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 08:43 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Great Lakes
Posts: 84
The one that has really helped me is when you're going through hell, keep going. If you stop you're still there. There has to be something else on the other side, a peace, a valley of flowers, anything but this. I don't want to be here, so I've got to keep going until I'm not here.

I dunno. ****{hugs}}}
Bluegalangal is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 09:17 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
CentralOhioDad's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Sending ((((HUGS)))) and prayers of support. At some point I might very well be where you are today..

Blessings of peace,
C-OH Dad
CentralOhioDad is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 09:29 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
You've done all the preparation, your lawyer is ready. So today, try to Let Go & Let God. Leave it in your HP's hands. Do something for yourself today, maybe a long walk or a long hot bath. Something just for you.

With you in spirit and sending prayers for your success tomorrow.
Recovering2 is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 10:22 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 150
Hi mamkit-

I visualize myself as a castle - and I'm being assulted by arrows.

The arrows just bounce off my castle walls.

Good luck-

love4menotu is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 11:08 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 170
The Serenity Prayer is wonderful. Sending you lots of positive thoughts.
sunnshinegirl is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 11:19 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
lillamy's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,523
Sending you peace & prayers today.
lillamy is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 11:24 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
firebolt's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
My counselor told me to repeat this in my head when I was going through some not so fun health procedures:

"I can do this. This isn't too much for me. I am stronger than this, and I will walk away from all of this a better person than when I went in."

YOU CAN DO THIS! Thinking of you!
firebolt is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 12:04 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
wicked's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by love4menotu View Post
Hi mamkit-

I visualize myself as a castle - and I'm being assaulted by arrows.

The arrows just bounce off my castle walls.

Good luck-

I love this visualization, love4menotu!
A fortress around my heart.

I am in my castle. I am safe and free from worry.
In my castle there is peace and serenity.

Almost over, Mamkit. So close.

I also love what Allavita said. Imagine that white light, filling you with peaceful power.

From what you have written in just this one post, it seems as though your soon to ex is in no position to argue anything.
If it helps, my ex arrived at mediation smelling of booze, red in the face and had his crack voice. (unmistakeable to me).
He was doing what addicts do.
It is sad, but it will NO LONGER be your problem.

oh, another mantra!

Not my problem. (referring to your STBX's antics sober or drunk.)

Actually, I think the last mantra is meant for me. My adult children.

I am in my castle, safe and free from worry.

Thinking of you MamaKit.

wicked is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 12:10 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Ireland
Posts: 3
Make Your Ammense
Occupymytime35 is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 12:28 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Living in a Pinkful Place
MsPINKAcres's Avatar
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
This is what helped me - I kept repeating this to myself . . .

"No matter what me & my God are going to be ok - even better than OK!"
and then one of my wonderful sponsors reminded me
"Ms.Pink you & Your God already are OK!"
and I said "Yes we are!"

and so are you!!

You have already done the hardest part - walking away!

pink hugs & prayers for a calmness for you tomorrow!
MsPINKAcres is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 12:35 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
SparkleKitty's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,425
You need a mantra? How about "Free at last, free at last, God (or HP, I suppose!) Almighty I'm FREE AT LAST!"

You've got this, MamaKit! And we will all be with you in spirit!!!
SparkleKitty is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 12:50 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
wicked's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by Occupymytime35 View Post
Make Your Ammense
What? Make amends to her soon to be ex husband?
I am confused. Not an unfamiliar place to be for me!

wicked is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 01:41 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
Make your ammense?

I wondered about this myself. Could it mean....make my imaginary castle "immense"?
MamaKit is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 03:41 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
My emotional baggage
4MyBoys's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 285

Big hugs! I go next Tuesday for my trial. This is the mantra I use-
"Stay the path."

If I just stay on my path leading a healthy life, doing the things I know are best for me and my kids all will be well. Let him stumble through the underbrush and trip over roots. Maybe he will get wacked in the head with a branch.

This visual seems to work for me....Good luck

4MyBoys is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 04:32 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
outonalimb's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371

You've got this. I have no doubt that you've got this.

I'm glad you're focusing on your breathing. Focus extra hard on it tomorrow. Long, deep, cleansing breaths in and out...

I have two mantras that I've used to get through scary situations with my exah...they're pretty simple.

"I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong" over and over and over again....


"I can do all things through Christ (or HP) who strengthens me".

You won't be alone tomorrow.
You've got your attorney.
You've got your HP. He WILL be there.
And you've got us. We'll all be there....in spirit...holding you up and cheering you on.

I hope you can close this chapter in your life tomorrow.
Good things await you. I'm absolutely SURE of it.

outonalimb is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 04:40 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
PLH's Avatar
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Southwestern USA
Posts: 10
Wishing you luck MK!

I work for a FLA and I can tell you if you have a good Attorney just leave it to them to work their magic. After all that's why they get paid the big bucks.

Go to your quiet place and let the magic begin.....
PLH is offline  
Old 05-29-2013, 07:28 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
Thanks everyone for your kind words and support. It really means so much to me. This board and you wonderful people have been such a source of strength for me.
By this time tomorrow it should (God willing) be resolved and I can start on my new chapter.
I will be imagining you all there with me and using all of the helpful images, mantras and words of support.
Love and Hugs,
MamaKit is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:44 AM.