Anniversary alone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 13
ABF still isn't home. I'm learning for the first time what it's like to go to work and try and keep my day going not knowing where he is or if he will ever come back home.
I wanted to ask everyone. When they are away. Do you call them? Or text? Once a day? Once a week. I don't want him to think we don't love him or have forgotten him. But I also know that I need to detach for my own health. Is there a balance?
Or is it no contact? Leave them alone? Gonna try to make my first meeting tonight and maybe I'll learn more then.
I wanted to ask everyone. When they are away. Do you call them? Or text? Once a day? Once a week. I don't want him to think we don't love him or have forgotten him. But I also know that I need to detach for my own health. Is there a balance?
Or is it no contact? Leave them alone? Gonna try to make my first meeting tonight and maybe I'll learn more then.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Honey I am so sorry you are going through this. I can only suggest, lovingly, that he knows how to get in touch with you. He knows you love and support him. Whatever he is going through right now, he is choosing to go through it without you. It is disappointing that he is making promises to your son that he is not keeping, and it is very difficult to move through your day without knowing where he is, what he is thinking, and whether he will come back to you. But when we let ourselves get stymied by what we are NOT getting from our partners, we hand over all the power of our own health, happiness and well-being to someone who is not presently capable of even handling their OWN health, happiness and well-being.
Trying to come up with reasons for his behavior is an exercise in frustration that ultimately only reinforces negative feelings about yourself. Rather, focus that energy on yourself and your son, making each day purposeful and as full of love and care as you can.
Sending you strength and courage to move forward, no matter what he does or doesn't do.
Trying to come up with reasons for his behavior is an exercise in frustration that ultimately only reinforces negative feelings about yourself. Rather, focus that energy on yourself and your son, making each day purposeful and as full of love and care as you can.
Sending you strength and courage to move forward, no matter what he does or doesn't do.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
He's not away on a business trip or something, he's basically abandoned you without any explanation. Why should you worry that he thinks YOU have forgotten HIM?
I wouldn't call, text, send smoke signals, anything. He will show up eventually.
Right now I don't think it is possible or appropriate to balance your needs against his. You can't meet his needs, only your own.
Balance works in normal, healthy relationships. With an alcoholic, NOTHING is balanced. He is consumed with his own addiction right now. You need to focus your energy on your OWN well-being.
Glad you are getting to a meeting tonight.
I wouldn't call, text, send smoke signals, anything. He will show up eventually.
Right now I don't think it is possible or appropriate to balance your needs against his. You can't meet his needs, only your own.
Balance works in normal, healthy relationships. With an alcoholic, NOTHING is balanced. He is consumed with his own addiction right now. You need to focus your energy on your OWN well-being.
Glad you are getting to a meeting tonight.
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