KayBay

I first posted here about 6-7 months ago, all determined that I was going to set boundaries and stick to them. I was so full of sh*t. That hasn't happened at all. I ended up moving to another town to give us (me and my abf) one last shot, things didn't change and I sunk into a bit of a depression. I am now finally coming out of it and getting myself together. I start a new job in a week's time, I went to my first al-anon meeting last night and I've decided to explore Buddhism. Basically this is where I start to take control.

At my first meeting they were talking about denial. I was listening to other people's stories as they went round the room and was worried about what to say when it was my turn (meeting ended up timing out before then), I didn't have a problem with denial, it was my boyfriend's denial that was the problem. I went home and slept on it. In the morning I had to pick the inner KayBay up off the floor because she'd been laughing so hard. "Really", she said to me. "Exhibits A, B, C, D, etc...and you don't think you have a problem with denial". :rotfxko

"Healthy people do not choose to be in a relationship with an addict. This is very much a case where you need to choose your own recovery." You know inner KayBay is a critical cow sometimes, but sometimes it's exactly what I need to hear.

LexieCat

I hope you and inner KayBay have a wonderful day. Buy her a nice lunch or something. She earned it.

Honeybean

Hi KayBay! Thanks for sharing! DENIAL - it's a big word for all of us. We all through the deny, deny, deny that there is a problem because it is so hard to admit that we can't control it, that we did not cause it and we can't fix it. I have been dealing with my AH for a long time. I lied for him, I protected him and I enabled him - I did these things to protect all that I had worked for and that I could fix this. I could force him to behave and go to his meetings but it turned out I could not! I had to admit all the things I did to enable him to keep drinking because I wanted to have a normal life and enjoy a glass of wine and have a lovely evening - only it turned out that he would drink the entire bottle of wine and then some... it is only when I had to admit my part in all of this that I sought help and guidance from others. This is a family disease and I am still learning.

Tuffgirl

I love my denial - its a warm comfy down-filled blanket that protects me and keeps me safe!

Seriously...denial is a psychological coping mechanism that works well...until it stops working. Sometimes we have our own little break-throughs (like you describe above) and other times its a big smack upside the head (tends to be my way). Either way, once our denial is shattered, its hard to continue on with the status quo.

Al-Anon is a wonderful resource! Glad it had an impact on you!
Peace,
~T

amica

Omg. Denial. There you are, sitting with me. We are enjoying the morning coffee and light coming out over the mountain. Denial, you have been with me my entire life. Thank-you, for everything. But I am moving on, now. I just have to. I am sorry to leave you like this. I am sorry to leave you because I don't know who or what I will be without you. I don't know what life will look like without you, but I know I have to move forward. Farewell.

CAPTAINZING2000

Denial isn't a river in Egypt sigh

Hard enough after a person is married. Think long and hard before you get too committed in a relationship now.

amica

Denial. Yes. Not a river in Egypt.