AyeRobot

A prosecution of rape is always difficult under whatever circumstances. The law and society is set up that way...

ValidUsername

Crazed, I think the points you have made are fair. When I was living with my partner, this happened with me also. I was never against it though, as it did leave me feeling wanted. We did however discuss the idea of it before it was done though. I think if its something you either enjoy especially or don't enjoy, you can only benefit from talking with your partner about it. And maybe bring it up with future partners too so they know where you stand.

AyeRobot

Just another thought:

Crazed, you do realize that a woman's default state is not one of consent, don't you? So, it's not up to her to say "No", but it is up to you to gain her consent, whether verbally or, more usually, through her actions and responses?

I think that's where the confusion may lie...

Gisele

Hi everyone,

Thanks again for all your kind words, advice and helpful links in helping me understand whether or not my situation was considered sexual assault. And YES I can see how this topic and my situation is a hard one to give just a “yes” or “no” answer. It’s completely a grey area as you all put it. However, it was my own personal experience, what I lived through and my own feelings of how it made me feel. The experiences has always made me feel like it was WRONG, along with feeling used, abused, taken advantage of, disrespected and worst of all that my alcoholic boyfriend whom I completely loved could give a damn about me and my feelings. Our sex life was never anything special… as I mentioned in my first post everything came on his terms including sex. Therefore the sex given on his part came with no passion, no nothing, just a feeling on my part of feeling like a piece of meat. He never satisfied me sexually nor did he even try to… so I guess those experiences following under the category of sexual assault doesn’t come as a surprise to me… but rather feeling “grey” like a grey cloud that hangs over me. When these experiences where happening I didn’t say “No” so I guess it was right? I was too tired/half asleep to respond back so I let him do his thing. So it was ok? We can go on and on in circles about whether it was right or not. Yet, I feel the most important thing that I should acknowledge for myself is how it made me feel and I already expressed those feelings. With reading all your comments and useful links given, I thank you; it has helped me tremendously in seeing things clearer. As someone in this thread said, if it made you feel “icky” it’s wrong and “icky” pretty much sums it all up.

DesertEyes

Thanks everybody for you comments. Thank you to those who shared from your personal experience. This thread has been positive and respectful, so far. Before it gets flooded with all the wildness of the web I am going to close it. Not because there is anything unacceptable in the thread, but as a preventive measure.

Mike
Moderator, Sober Recovery