Tamerua

Holy crap.... I was the intermittent chicken in a past relationship... Thanks for the story.

NYCDoglvr

Bravo! This is pure Tenth Step. We take responsibility for our feelings by looking at our own part in it. This has saved me hours of resentment and focusing on a looser man. I got so much freedom when I started looking at my own part in failed relationship: I let someone very damaged enter my life (I picked him).

Argnotthisagain

I've read this thread before, but after some time and continuing to fight through the pain of this break-up crap, I had an Aha evening this evening! And so, reading this now--- it made sense in a whole new way to me!! A little loosening of the denial, I think? I sure hope so. There is NOTHING like intermittent pellets of *****Absolute Fairytale Bliss***** to transform you into Miss Pecky, the most obsessive chicken on the farm!


... ... ... Ai-yi ... ... ...


I'm really glad I read it again---and I haven't even gotten to Page 2 yet! Hahaa!

healthyagain

I cannot even express how much I love this thread. I've been a chicken for 8 years! And now I can see what my AH is doing with his hot/cold approach (this is how I've called it for years). I guess the pellets he gives me are his affection and attention, and of course I long for those. And if something is not the way he wants, I do not get my pellets, and he knows how much I want them (and he even dares to tell me, "men are like that."). And he can ignore me for 3 days in a row, on weekends, etc., because then, I want my pellets even more. Oh, wow.

Hmmmm, let's see what happens if I stop pecking. Now I am just totally curious.

whatisnext

EverHopeful721- THANK YOU for sharing this. I have that heart squeezing feeling right this second too after letting my xrab back in my life for a few weeks. Even though it had been almost 2 years since we last had contact, I turned into that damn chicken when he did call. Of course the outcome was the same as always was in the past when before he stopped drinking. This is eye-opening though. Thank you! I don't want to be a chicken anymore...

Mightyqueen801

Wow, look at all the THANKS that first post got! ROFL, and just added my own.

What a great analogy, and I guess we all identify with that one.

The Intermittent Chickens. Cluck me.

Mightyqueen801

Just had to bump this thread. Of all the conversations on this great forum, this one has meant the most to me ever since I read it last month.

Ever since, the theme has been popping up here and there in my life making me realize "OH GOD, I'm being the Intermittent Chicken again!"

I can't believe how much I find myself still sitting there hoping and wishing someone will give me a couple of pieces of corn, and they're all people who aren't worth a peck. It's in my job and in my personal relationships.

Thanks again to the OP for putting this in my head. As annoying as it is to find this in myself, it's so helpful, because I'm not going to be the Intermittent Chicken much longer.

Themeanone

Wow. Just wow! I am struggling through a breakup with my abf. And for days I have been wondering why can't I let him go. Why am i hoping for that text, that facebook like?I haven't had a lot of dating experiance and none at all with an alcoholic. I couldn't figure out this obsession with this particular man.
I ended my 12 year marriage without as much self doubt and anxiety as I am experiencing now. Yay for codependency :/
the abf kept me on the hook, reeling me in and casting me out as he saw fit, kept me chasing affection and attention. I was so glad for any smidge of attention that I received i was like Gollum "ooooh my precious!!" I was always looking for ways to gain his respect and love, to impress him enough so he would pat my head! " good doggy!"
Thank you for this post. It has shored up my faltering walls. I am no ones intermittent chicken!!

befuddled1

Ever hopeful - wow! Circumstances almost identical - 17 years with xh (not an alcoholic) and barely batted an eyelid yet 14 months with xabf and really upset about it - I too was an intermittent chicken! What an eye opener over how we stay despite their treatment of us! Thanks for this post I really did at times think I was going insane wanting to keep goin back for more and couldn't work out why!

FireSprite

BUMP - this is coming up a lot on the board this week, I think this is the original thread being referred to....

suncatcher

Wow reading this thread has been so helpful! I think I picked my screen name sun catcher because I'm always waiting for the sun to come out from behind the clouds. Or my A to be nice instead of mean...those little crumbs of affection here and there...I was that chicken too! Now I buy my own pellets so I don't have to hit that stupid lever! Lol

AnvilheadII

Bump!

lillamy

Thank you for reviving the intermittent chicken, Anvil!

Slothy

Ever hopeful, One more heartfelt THANKS for this post!!!!! I just stumbled upon it today and wow! I too kept waiting to be rewarded with my xabf's calls and attention even as disingenuous and manipulative they were! It was downright exhausting, maddening, and self deprecating to be his lab experiment!!!

LemonGirl

LOVE this post!

I think I'm going FREE RANGE! haha

FireSprite

~bumping~ for newbies (& printing for a friend )

I couldn't find this in the sticky threads even though I think it belongs there. Maybe I just couldn't find which post it was linked under...?

Liveitwell

This is one if my favorite threads.....I was a chicken....just waiting for him to drop a pellet-i used to hold on for dear life and wait for that. Never will be a chicken again!

Thank you for bumping!

LexieCat

I spent like an hour or two one day looking for this thread. If it isn't a sticky (and I have a feeling it isn't), it should be.

greeteachday

If it is that hard to find it needs to be "restickied." I added it under Classic Reading in the stickies. The link is the third post down in that thread.

Liveitwell

^ thank you!