stella27

Choublak's post below is so timely for me. I came to SR tattered and war-torn and barely making it and in some ways, that is still the case.

I was fresh out of a marriage in which *I* was always the bad guy, his friends were more important (aka drinking was more important), he couldn't moderate and rather than admit that, he went after me.

Now that we are divorced and I live 200 miles away, I can see even more clearly than I could in physical proximity to the crazy. Normal is setting in.

I can see how little I settled for and it makes me weep for the sad girl who was always on the defense and always wondering why she couldn't catch a break with him or make any headway and why he couldn't see how much she cared and loved him and was willing to subjugate herself for the return of his just not screaming at her for one day.

I have been out twice with someone who is kind, is reverent, who grimaces when I mention the ways XAH tries to control and harass me. Who asks if there is anything I need help with, who offers wise, slow counsel that promotes peace for me, and it's just night and day from the way I became accustomed to being treated.

And it's lovely. I think about SR, when you said "If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you" and "you get what you settle for" and "what do YOU want for YOU?"

and this is not a boyfriend/girlfriend scenario - we are just starting to know each other, but the difference in maturity and slant is night and day.

Y'all help so much. Thank you.