Off topic... having rough time and need support.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Off topic... having rough time and need support.
Here because this is the place that supported me through the tough years of dealing with an A. Now it is time to take care of me... but it is not easy... the past few months has shown me how vulnerable I am. I am suddenly having to cope with new medical issues that are far more serious than expected.
I not only may have to deal with loss of vision... but my general health is in vulnerable - just had a double biopsy and waiting on results. One of two possiblilties neither is good. Waiting on results.
Then my job is being threatened again... not because of my performance but funding issues. I am frustrated as I am a soul supporter. On top of that, I just learned that my insurance has been changed and while I was blessed to obtain a second job - I dont know if my health will allow me to show up.
I have been trying so hard to make it on my own. I actually was able to say a few months ago that I was totally happy with my life and had everything I needed. I dont' want to complain but feel constrained again. Need support.
Thought letting go of an A meant I would have more control over my life and now wonder how to do that when so much is threatening.
I made so many changes in reaching outward and building a new life... but it seems at times that when the going gets tough not many want to be there.
Maybe having a bad day after all. Sorry, and thanks for anyone reading and reply in advance. This has been a very safe place for me in the past.
I not only may have to deal with loss of vision... but my general health is in vulnerable - just had a double biopsy and waiting on results. One of two possiblilties neither is good. Waiting on results.
Then my job is being threatened again... not because of my performance but funding issues. I am frustrated as I am a soul supporter. On top of that, I just learned that my insurance has been changed and while I was blessed to obtain a second job - I dont know if my health will allow me to show up.
I have been trying so hard to make it on my own. I actually was able to say a few months ago that I was totally happy with my life and had everything I needed. I dont' want to complain but feel constrained again. Need support.
Thought letting go of an A meant I would have more control over my life and now wonder how to do that when so much is threatening.
I made so many changes in reaching outward and building a new life... but it seems at times that when the going gets tough not many want to be there.
Maybe having a bad day after all. Sorry, and thanks for anyone reading and reply in advance. This has been a very safe place for me in the past.
Oh, Kassie,
I'm so sorry you're dealing with all that scary crap. This isn't OT at all--we are here to support each other no matter WHAT the issue.
It so sucks when you feel like you just got a handle on one crisis and then another one comes along. Please keep posting. Will keep you in thoughts/prayers.
Big hugs,
I'm so sorry you're dealing with all that scary crap. This isn't OT at all--we are here to support each other no matter WHAT the issue.
It so sucks when you feel like you just got a handle on one crisis and then another one comes along. Please keep posting. Will keep you in thoughts/prayers.
Big hugs,
(((((Kassie)))))
Sending healing thoughts and prayers! Have just added you to the 3 prayer circles I belong to!
I am so sorry you have to go through these 'scary' health items, and NO this is NOT off topic at all. These are the types of things we have to learn how to deal with. Hell we have to learn all over again about how to 'deal' and 'cope' with everything in life!
You go ahead and rant, rave, scream, cry and yes even laugh all you want to.
We are walking with you in spirit!!
Lots of love and bunches and bunches of hugs,
Sending healing thoughts and prayers! Have just added you to the 3 prayer circles I belong to!
I am so sorry you have to go through these 'scary' health items, and NO this is NOT off topic at all. These are the types of things we have to learn how to deal with. Hell we have to learn all over again about how to 'deal' and 'cope' with everything in life!
You go ahead and rant, rave, scream, cry and yes even laugh all you want to.
We are walking with you in spirit!!
Lots of love and bunches and bunches of hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
One update.... eye md says he is finally hopeful that my eye sight can be restored eventually as I am responding well to the medication. The medication is causing other problems which he is concerned but has weighed the benefits with the consequences. So I am feeling cautious relief about my vision.
Still awaiting results of my biopsies - will check in tommorrow - cardiologist wants to schedule a follow up biospy next week if results don't come back tommorrow. More to come.
Have to say that the support here makes such a difference during scarry times like this. THank you !
Still awaiting results of my biopsies - will check in tommorrow - cardiologist wants to schedule a follow up biospy next week if results don't come back tommorrow. More to come.
Have to say that the support here makes such a difference during scarry times like this. THank you !
Kassie2,
Nothing you bring here is off topic.
I am glad you came here for support.
Hopeful for the eye medication and will keep the prayers up for you.
although these are scary times, I am happy to hear from you.
Keep coming back to keep us updated.
You are a wonderful person who deserves the best in life.
You will get it.
Beth
Nothing you bring here is off topic.
I am glad you came here for support.
Hopeful for the eye medication and will keep the prayers up for you.
although these are scary times, I am happy to hear from you.
Keep coming back to keep us updated.
You are a wonderful person who deserves the best in life.
You will get it.
Beth
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Found out today that the initial biopsy did not produce results and I will be having a second biopsy performed this week.
I am having mixed feelings and thoughts at this point - I was warned that this might happen but now that it is - I am frustrated, tired and just want to forget any of this is happening to me.
Keep me in your prayers and thoughts.... needing reminders that I am close to a diagnosis and treatment. Then I can move forward again with my life but as I say this I am aware that this is my life right now and I have to acknowledge that. This is my reality. I have to accept it and deal with it.
I am having mixed feelings and thoughts at this point - I was warned that this might happen but now that it is - I am frustrated, tired and just want to forget any of this is happening to me.
Keep me in your prayers and thoughts.... needing reminders that I am close to a diagnosis and treatment. Then I can move forward again with my life but as I say this I am aware that this is my life right now and I have to acknowledge that. This is my reality. I have to accept it and deal with it.
One update.... eye md says he is finally hopeful that my eye sight can be restored eventually as I am responding well to the medication. The medication is causing other problems which he is concerned but has weighed the benefits with the consequences. So I am feeling cautious relief about my vision.
Still awaiting results of my biopsies - will check in tommorrow - cardiologist wants to schedule a follow up biospy next week if results don't come back tommorrow. More to come.
Have to say that the support here makes such a difference during scarry times like this. THank you !
Still awaiting results of my biopsies - will check in tommorrow - cardiologist wants to schedule a follow up biospy next week if results don't come back tommorrow. More to come.
Have to say that the support here makes such a difference during scarry times like this. THank you !
I suppose scarey stuff is always with us either 'likely' or 'potentially' there.
I was worried over liver scans and stuff some time back and now things have cleared up. I try and look on worry as a futile waste of time that really only worsens the over all situation I know its not easy.
Ugh--it's hard enough to go through stuff like that once, let alone twice.
I know exactly what you mean. When I am handed something, I can start DEALING with it. I think the uncertainty is much harder to swallow.
But yes, you are getting closer--hang in there. So hard to patiently wait, but it gets easier with practice.
Many hugs,
I know exactly what you mean. When I am handed something, I can start DEALING with it. I think the uncertainty is much harder to swallow.
But yes, you are getting closer--hang in there. So hard to patiently wait, but it gets easier with practice.
Many hugs,
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 350
Kassie, I am so sorry you have all this on your plate. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
In the meantime, do something that makes you laugh. If your eyes will allow, maybe a silly movie or book, anything that just makes you giggle. Even better if it makes you laugh out loud, snort, guffaw, you get the idea. Waiting is so hard. Laughter helps get you through and it's good for your body in all sorts of weird chemical ways that I don't understand well enough to actually tell you.
Again, you are in my (and lots of other people's) thoughts and prayers.
In the meantime, do something that makes you laugh. If your eyes will allow, maybe a silly movie or book, anything that just makes you giggle. Even better if it makes you laugh out loud, snort, guffaw, you get the idea. Waiting is so hard. Laughter helps get you through and it's good for your body in all sorts of weird chemical ways that I don't understand well enough to actually tell you.
Again, you are in my (and lots of other people's) thoughts and prayers.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 70
One day at a time, Kassie (love the name btw!). Actually, make that one minute at a time if you need to.
I'm just letting you know that you're in my prayers. Do come back and keep posting here, we're all behind you and sending out comfort, strength and love your way.
Xxx
I'm just letting you know that you're in my prayers. Do come back and keep posting here, we're all behind you and sending out comfort, strength and love your way.
Xxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Went to yoga class which I love and usually resets any negativity, works out the stiffness and soreness gathered during a busy week.
Today was the first time I had trouble do my poses, keeping balance and just wanted to give up - but I kept remembering what the teacher tells us - just do what you can and don't feel you have to push yourself to do anything.
Staying in the present... accepting what is... and trying to find things to be grateful for.
Today was the first time I had trouble do my poses, keeping balance and just wanted to give up - but I kept remembering what the teacher tells us - just do what you can and don't feel you have to push yourself to do anything.
Staying in the present... accepting what is... and trying to find things to be grateful for.
You can do yoga?
Excellent.
yes, do what you can, all we have is now, and you are loved and cared about.
stay here in this right now.
here, it is sunny and bright, i will take my small dog outside for a walk.
she always gets so much attention, and I get attention as a side effect.
Works for me.
I am waiting to find out why my pancreas attacked me last year, and just had a cat scan yesterday.
Now, I think I have had enough practice worrying (that damn ungrateful pancreas! I stopped drinking years ago!) and then I get mad.
Neither one is helping me, so I go for a walk.
One day in Michigan with blooms and warm sun.
It will be a good day.
This moment is good, and I am glad you came here for support.
You talked to me Kassie, and tried so much to help me.
I learned from you and have made progress.
Thank you for that.
You will handle whatever happens, because that is what you do.
I am here.
I will be back after my walk, and a think.
(no cannot chew gum, think and walk at the same time!)
Be back soon my friend.
Beth
Excellent.
yes, do what you can, all we have is now, and you are loved and cared about.
stay here in this right now.
here, it is sunny and bright, i will take my small dog outside for a walk.
she always gets so much attention, and I get attention as a side effect.
Works for me.
I am waiting to find out why my pancreas attacked me last year, and just had a cat scan yesterday.
Now, I think I have had enough practice worrying (that damn ungrateful pancreas! I stopped drinking years ago!) and then I get mad.
Neither one is helping me, so I go for a walk.
One day in Michigan with blooms and warm sun.
It will be a good day.
This moment is good, and I am glad you came here for support.
You talked to me Kassie, and tried so much to help me.
I learned from you and have made progress.
Thank you for that.
You will handle whatever happens, because that is what you do.
I am here.
I will be back after my walk, and a think.
(no cannot chew gum, think and walk at the same time!)
Be back soon my friend.
Beth
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
precious friend wicked....
your words always amazed me and soothed me... and they still do that...
I hope your walk was a nice one.
I had dinner with friends and had my spirit renewed, my life returned to normal for awhile. I will appreciate that.
I watched an old movie and realize now how things look so different... our perspective changes... and you are right... worry does nothing unless we choose to use it to focus on what is helpful.
I am glad I brought my worries here... because I knew that others would soothe them and restore a right spirit in me.
Thank you.
your words always amazed me and soothed me... and they still do that...
I hope your walk was a nice one.
I had dinner with friends and had my spirit renewed, my life returned to normal for awhile. I will appreciate that.
I watched an old movie and realize now how things look so different... our perspective changes... and you are right... worry does nothing unless we choose to use it to focus on what is helpful.
I am glad I brought my worries here... because I knew that others would soothe them and restore a right spirit in me.
Thank you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Invasive biopsy tommorrow. Been grumpy all day. Just nerves - don't like being cut open but who does. And hopefully this will give me a diagnosis and treatment can start so I can get on with my life. Oh rt - this is my life too keep forgetting to stay in the present. Ok... so while I have great doctors who have been doing a good job - they seem to actually care - I want an end pt.
I want to know what I am dealing with and how to treat it. I have a list of wants and just caught myself wishing my life away for a minute - no, no. All in all my son will be with me (yeah! he is a calming influence for me) and I have so many praying for me so I know I will be ok no matter what the outcome.
Thanks for all the support! Love you all so much.
I want to know what I am dealing with and how to treat it. I have a list of wants and just caught myself wishing my life away for a minute - no, no. All in all my son will be with me (yeah! he is a calming influence for me) and I have so many praying for me so I know I will be ok no matter what the outcome.
Thanks for all the support! Love you all so much.
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