iamthird

Radiation is over. Im still due for 2 more chemo treatments. Physically this is the hardest this has been on me. My kids are on "autopilot". I am grateful for them.

Our 5 yr old girl tells me that Daddy picked up a friend thats a girl the other night and dropped her off somewhere. I am so annoyed but dont get why. He has never done the right thing, why would he start now?

Separated AH says its not my business. While I go thru treatment alone, he is just moving along now from his enabling gf to this new friend of his who he has to put in my daughters orbit already?

I know why Im in pain. I dont deny it. How is it that the As in our life just move on with no empathy for the damage they have caused to us? Instead of being a loving husband, I have a husband that just says i should get over it! I dont understand!! Im in such pain and hes so over it...

Tuffgirl

He's a drunk, hon. He doesn't feel anything because he drinks away his emotions.

And for what its worth - he doesn't deserve to be your husband for one more day. What a pathetic excuse of a man.

Hollyanne

Eyes on the prize Iamthird!
Eyes on the prize.
Glad the treatment is nearly done.
Prayers for you.
Is the chemo soon? Close together?
Hopefully, you can take it easy for a while after, and heal.

Recovering2

Good to hear from you Iamthird, and glad your treatment is nearing an end. Your AH has not changed, nor will he. Let it go....and look forward.

Continued Blessings and healing for you.

LexieCat

I second what Hollyanne said--you're nearing the finish line.

So far as what your husband is doing, you already know he isn't a good partner. Second, you don't know that this woman he dropped off isn't just a friend. You are making assumptions. Deal with the facts. You are getting well in SPITE of his lack of support.

Hang in there--you are almost done, and soon you will be feeling stronger.

Mega-hugs!!

Seren

iamthird I'm sorry you are in such pain and still have treatment rounds to go. Sending you many prayers and cyber hugs!

This bears repeating. He drinks away his emotions, his sense of empathy or sympathy, his ability to see anything beyond the end of his own nose and his own drinking life. His world is all about him and no one else. He is an alcoholic and that is what active alcoholics do.

As soon as I realized that my stepson's violent, ugly behavior had nothing to do with me and more to do with anything or anyone who got in the way of his drinking and using, I understood and accepted the reality much more easily. I wasn't going to put up with being treated poorly, and I was not going to expect decent, honorable behavior from someone who simply was not capable of it.

Sending you many, many prayers for healing!

Bubovski

Very tough! "Hell is other people" Sartre;
You seem to have a very strong attitude; I wish you well!

iamthird

Thanks for all the support. One constant theme is that I am nearing the end of this series of treatment, and I am doing it in spite of how separated AH has treated me. I am tired of hearing that I should be settling for scraps like I dont deserve a loving husband by my side while fighting this disease.

laurie6781

(((((iamthird)))))

It has been said above already, he just drunk. He is drunk to numb himself and not feel all the emotions, and thus can say 'just deal with it.' I know, I did this for years about everything, my first divorce, dogs going to the Rainbow bridge, my grandmother dying, etc I stayed NUMB. I know this is not an excuse for him, but it is the reality that is going on right now.

Know and please remember that WE ARE walking with you at all times, you are not alone. Keep your eye on the 'prize', sounds like you are really near the end of this ordeal.

I still have you on the lists that my 3 prayer circles use daily!

Lots of love and bunches of hugs,

LexieCat

We all know how much you are hurting inside. Nobody is suggesting you don't deserve different. But we don't always GET what we deserve. And in my experience, the more I dwell on how unfair something in my life is, the more miserable I feel.

YES, it is unfair. NO, you don't deserve it. But wishing it were different doesn't change anything. You can't make him be a good partner. You CAN work on being happy anyway. Maybe today you can't feel happy, but you can at least hold open the possibility, in your mind, that someday you will be.

I wish we could all make you feel better. But that isn't in our power, either. All we can do is to listen and to encourage you not to give up on a happier future.