Thoughts/Update
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 485
Thoughts/Update
It seems like every time I post on this board, it's sad/negative and it's during a difficult time I'm going through due to my husband's binge drinking. He binges occasionally, though more and more infrequently over the last couple of years, fortunately. When he does, it tends to turn my world completely upside-down.
The last time he drank was in December, at a dinner with his boss. He took that first drink of wine and ended up with a DUI on his way back to work. I was devastated when it happened, because I'd always been afraid he'd get a DUI on a binge. Six month has passed, though, and I'm actually glad he got the DUI (and of course the fact that no one was hurt while he drove drunk). He's been forced into mandatory AA meetings/counseling, and he's having to deal with real consequences. Beyond that, he's finally conceded that he can't go into certain drinking situations and trust himself not to drink. For example, he joined a soccer team a few months ago, and instead of using it as a social outlet to drink after the games like he used to, he takes me and the kids and we make a Saturday out of it. We were invited to an after-game party the other day, but because our sitter cancelled, neither of us went. The old him would have gone alone and probably ended up drinking.
Anyway, as for me...I've started looking at all of this as more of a process. I think for years, as a stay-at-home-mom, I isolated myself and blamed his binge drinking for everything and for why I didn't make friends. I felt a lot of shame about his drinking. Not anymore. I've made a couple of great girlfriends with other moms, and the kids and I have been having a great time having them bring their kids over to play. I've started doing more for myself...AH treated me to an expensive haircut/color last weekend for our anniversary, and I have a job interview tomorrow for a job I'm excited about.
"If you're depressed, you're living in the past. If you're anxious, you're living in the future. If you're at peace, you're living in the present." - Lao Tzu
That quote has really helped me. I'm just focusing on being the best mom and person I can be, and supporting my husband while not tolerating drinking. I know he could choose to drink at any time, but I choose not to focus on that thought 24/7 like I used to. He never comes home drunk, it's always been a social event that he's ended up drinking too much at. He's avoiding those now, so I'm not too worried, but I always have a plan in place for me and the kids in case that changes. I'm just working on living in the day-to-day and not wallowing in self-pity and worry, because it was stealing my life from me!
Hope this made sense.
The last time he drank was in December, at a dinner with his boss. He took that first drink of wine and ended up with a DUI on his way back to work. I was devastated when it happened, because I'd always been afraid he'd get a DUI on a binge. Six month has passed, though, and I'm actually glad he got the DUI (and of course the fact that no one was hurt while he drove drunk). He's been forced into mandatory AA meetings/counseling, and he's having to deal with real consequences. Beyond that, he's finally conceded that he can't go into certain drinking situations and trust himself not to drink. For example, he joined a soccer team a few months ago, and instead of using it as a social outlet to drink after the games like he used to, he takes me and the kids and we make a Saturday out of it. We were invited to an after-game party the other day, but because our sitter cancelled, neither of us went. The old him would have gone alone and probably ended up drinking.
Anyway, as for me...I've started looking at all of this as more of a process. I think for years, as a stay-at-home-mom, I isolated myself and blamed his binge drinking for everything and for why I didn't make friends. I felt a lot of shame about his drinking. Not anymore. I've made a couple of great girlfriends with other moms, and the kids and I have been having a great time having them bring their kids over to play. I've started doing more for myself...AH treated me to an expensive haircut/color last weekend for our anniversary, and I have a job interview tomorrow for a job I'm excited about.
"If you're depressed, you're living in the past. If you're anxious, you're living in the future. If you're at peace, you're living in the present." - Lao Tzu
That quote has really helped me. I'm just focusing on being the best mom and person I can be, and supporting my husband while not tolerating drinking. I know he could choose to drink at any time, but I choose not to focus on that thought 24/7 like I used to. He never comes home drunk, it's always been a social event that he's ended up drinking too much at. He's avoiding those now, so I'm not too worried, but I always have a plan in place for me and the kids in case that changes. I'm just working on living in the day-to-day and not wallowing in self-pity and worry, because it was stealing my life from me!
Hope this made sense.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Nice to hear your positive progress report! Good for you for focusing on your own life--it will pay off, trust me, whether he stays sober or not (and we will hope that he does).
Hugs,
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
I'm just focusing on being the best mom and person I can be, and supporting my husband while not tolerating drinking.
Yes, every word of your post makes sense to me.
Good, common sense.
Beth
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