Nothing new

Old 05-19-2013, 06:06 PM
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Nothing new

I got sucked back in when my xabf was sober(ish, probably). It was soooo great to be with "him." But, as usual, he goes off the deep end. One day he's great, and then the next, drunk and not remembering a damn thing he's planned with me. Okay. So I just don't see him. If I can hear it, I don't want to see it.

Enter the following Sat. and I say I will only come over if it's to take him to detox. Fifty-fifty, right? So he's a mess. I check his phone to see if he's been in contact with family or friends at all. No. Just about four lady names. Not surprising.

I go look in his car for his car charger, get locked out, and on his way to open the door I hear a crash. He gets to the door and he's got blood pouring out of his nose. I try to get him in the car but he just got in bed and started to pass out. I call 911 and the fire dept. and a cop come. He's being an ******* to them but there is nothing wrong with him except that he's drunk. They ask me to stay with him until someone else can get there.

His parents come and the father immediately tells me he thinks I'm a trigger. (Yep, I must be the reason he's got twelve empty pints of cheap whiskey in his closet.)

I leave to feed my cat but say I will stay the night (thinking he is going to try to detox on his own.) By the morning he's contradicting everything he said throughout the night and I just say to myself, "WTF AM I DOING HERE!!!!!" I'm not mad at him, I'm mad at me!!

He's tried calling but I've not picked up (it's been a week) He's texted, "Did I do something wrong?" Not going to get into it. I have a problem if I'm willing to deal with his drama, dealing with family members who think I'm his problem, and can't see that he's got other ladies he runs too whether I'm around or not. Gross.

I've left out all of the stupid crap that he has said about how he feels about me because I know you have all heard it before. It's nothing new.

Hopefully, I'll have a longer run of no contact this time. I was so embarrassed when he was telling the firefighters that I was his girl. I felt like they felt sorry for me. It was quite a contrast to see these confident, healthy, attractive men next to the drunk guy I was concerned about. Yuk!

Thanks for letting me vent. I know you get it.

GS
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Old 05-19-2013, 06:25 PM
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Sure do. Hostile family members and all. In my case, they didn't blame me for the drinking, but they DID blame me for "abandoning" him when he was sick.

Too effin' bad--I went through one deathbed vigil where he almost didn't make it--I wasn't signing on for another self-inflicted health crisis.

Maybe the "no contact" should be for good, at this point? One day at a time. Take care of yourself.

Hugs,
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Old 05-19-2013, 07:34 PM
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Yep. I think I was blamed for abandoning him, too. And probably for the break up from the "savior" who stayed with him.

No contact for good is the best idea, but I'm not going to say it if I'm still not completely able to let go. I am taking it one day at a time and I know I don't want to pick up his calls for myriad reasons.

Thank you so much for your response
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Old 08-13-2013, 01:41 AM
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Follow up:
My qualifier started getting sober a few days before I went on a six week trip. I had lots of time to think about my relationship with him. I returned to find him as many weeks sober! He looked great and it felt good to be around him. But I still had trust issues. I was also feeling like something was missing and I wondered if he was going to need his space to
focus on his recovery. Tonight we decided that it would be best to be apart. I'm very sad but also very relieved to know he would be working on his recovery without me. It's something I knew I didn't want to go through with him. After all this time of him saying he needed me he is choosing to take care of himself. I'm very proud of him. I'm also proud of myself for initiating the conversation and asking the questions that led to the decision. Of course we brought up old resentments and there was some arguing but it all led to a very healthy parting. I'm going to miss him tremendously but I'm excited about putting my life back together, getting back to MY meetings, and focusing on my dreams.
Thanks for listening!!
Gs
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