Duh!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 64
Duh!
I am an idiot. I have been married to my AH since I was 23 years old. I have always worked. Then worked even harder when he became unemployed by choice off and on over the years. After 19 years of marriage and the past 4 years of him not working much at all and drinking more and more, I asked him to leave in September. Yet I still waited to file for divorce. I hoped that this would be his bottom….yup, fantasy thinking! I finally filed for divorce in March and less than a week after he was served, he turned off the power at the home where I live with our daughter. His reason was that I asked for child support, he wondered what he was supposed to do. (Yup, so take the large deposit and have me pay it again and the connection fee.) I had been paying all of our bills for years, including his recent DUI fees and increased insurance. Now he wants alimony at the same amount as any child support awarded to me because I make so much more than him because I actually work (as a teacher). I am hoping that the fact that I have paid for child care while he “looked for a job” for the past 4 years will make it so he doesn’t get alimony. He also went back to school on his parents’ dime…he chose night school 3 nights per week. So I watched DD while he was in class (or skipping class and going out drinking) for most of the past year. He has our daughter two nights per month and has already introduced her to his new girlfriend (poor girl!). Our 5 year old daughter and I will be moving soon as the foreclosure auction date is approaching. He is working now because he has to, no more enabling on my part. He still has not paid for his counter petition for alimony, taken the divorce class, or filed his financial affidavit. I am frustrated. What an idiot I have been and still am. I hired a nice divorce attorney rather than a pitt bull thinking that was best. This divorce is going to take forever. DUH!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((MMH))
Welcome to our SR family -I hate to read your story - it sounds very similiar to mine ~
I sent thru a divorce several years ago - I have hopefully posted the link to part of my story here - so you can read what I went thru -
It was a long hard battle - some of it worked out better than plan some of it didn't ~ but I must tell you - it was well worth the struggles, pain and losses -
Today i live in a very pinkful world - happy, joyous and free from the daily struggles of living with an abusive alcoholic.
Hang in there - it does get better - don't give up before the miracles happen in you!!
pink hugs!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-learned.html
Welcome to our SR family -I hate to read your story - it sounds very similiar to mine ~
I sent thru a divorce several years ago - I have hopefully posted the link to part of my story here - so you can read what I went thru -
It was a long hard battle - some of it worked out better than plan some of it didn't ~ but I must tell you - it was well worth the struggles, pain and losses -
Today i live in a very pinkful world - happy, joyous and free from the daily struggles of living with an abusive alcoholic.
Hang in there - it does get better - don't give up before the miracles happen in you!!
pink hugs!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-learned.html
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
MakingMeHappy,
What an excellent choice for a user name!
Now is the time to take care of you and your daughter.
You are no more an idiot than any of us who have loved and supported and alcoholic.
You are caring and compassionate (you already feel for the new girlfriend!).
Give yourself credit for every positive move you have made so far.
You are working hard at making a good life for you and your precious daughter.
Lessons will be learned, some more painful than others. But you will keep the knowledge from those lessons forever.
Keep moving forward. You can do it.
I find that if I look for some positive affirmations online or anywhere, they help me get out of the endless rut of hopelessness.
(I have a major depressive disorder, so I have to stay out of the negative or go back to that hell. No more for me thank you.
)
No idiots here, only students of life.
Beth
What an excellent choice for a user name!
Now is the time to take care of you and your daughter.
You are no more an idiot than any of us who have loved and supported and alcoholic.
You are caring and compassionate (you already feel for the new girlfriend!).
Give yourself credit for every positive move you have made so far.
You are working hard at making a good life for you and your precious daughter.
Lessons will be learned, some more painful than others. But you will keep the knowledge from those lessons forever.
Keep moving forward. You can do it.
I find that if I look for some positive affirmations online or anywhere, they help me get out of the endless rut of hopelessness.
(I have a major depressive disorder, so I have to stay out of the negative or go back to that hell. No more for me thank you.
)No idiots here, only students of life.
Beth
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 64
Archangelesk, Thank you. I will try to go easy on myself.
MsPINKAcres, Wow! Your story is very similar to mine. Thank you for the link with your E,S, & H. My AH could take half of my retirement as well. He has his own vehicle with no payment while I still owe quite a bit on mine. My husband is working now. He got a job within a few weeks of moving out. In fact, he made more in 2 months in 2012 than he did in the 5 years previous put together! He has had that same job now for about 6 months. I think that shows that he is capable of working and doesn't need my financial support. His counterpetition actually states that he wants durational support until our daughters' 18th birthday in the same amount as any child support awarded to me. I think it's clear that he doesn't want to help support his child. This is no surprise. He didn't want to get a job and save our home either.
Wicked, I agree with you. I CAN do this and I WILL. I will try to give myself more credit. Your post reminded me of an old Maori saying that I had posted in my classroom for years..."Highlight my strengths and my weaknesses will disappear." That is how I try to help my students...now I will try to do that with myself as a "student of life"
Thanks to all of you! I am feeling better already!
MsPINKAcres, Wow! Your story is very similar to mine. Thank you for the link with your E,S, & H. My AH could take half of my retirement as well. He has his own vehicle with no payment while I still owe quite a bit on mine. My husband is working now. He got a job within a few weeks of moving out. In fact, he made more in 2 months in 2012 than he did in the 5 years previous put together! He has had that same job now for about 6 months. I think that shows that he is capable of working and doesn't need my financial support. His counterpetition actually states that he wants durational support until our daughters' 18th birthday in the same amount as any child support awarded to me. I think it's clear that he doesn't want to help support his child. This is no surprise. He didn't want to get a job and save our home either.
Wicked, I agree with you. I CAN do this and I WILL. I will try to give myself more credit. Your post reminded me of an old Maori saying that I had posted in my classroom for years..."Highlight my strengths and my weaknesses will disappear." That is how I try to help my students...now I will try to do that with myself as a "student of life"
Thanks to all of you! I am feeling better already!
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