choublak

Can someone please tell me what this means?

Thank you.

LexieCat

It means that the alcoholic isn't doing what he is doing for the purpose of annoying you, hurting you, disrespecting you, etc. He (or she) is doing it because he or she is an alcoholic.

Usually people say that in response to the distraught partner who says things like, "How can he do this to me/us? I tried so hard to make him happy on his birthday, why did he have to ruin it by getting drunk? I can't believe he lied to me about whether he was drinking--how could he do such a thing? How can he choose alcohol over his partner/family?"

IOW, it isn't personal. It's what they DO.

Impurrfect

((Lexie)) nailed it.

I never used AT anyone, though I most certainly tried to blame my use on someone/something. Truth is? ANYTHING was an excuse. I'm an A (though now an RA) and I wanted to use more than anything else. I could go into a situation and plan to use "just a little" so as not to ruin an event but that never happened.

I know it feels entirely personal, as I've been on the other side of the fence, but it just isn't.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

choublak

Oddly enough, I actually get it because I have ADD and all the behavioral issues that come with it.

SolTraveler

Yeah, I am also sober for a year and I add my +1 - it is entirely not personal. You can even be aware that your behavior will upset someone, and it can be enough to make you sort of try for a bit, but the addiction wins out.